I try to avoid the blues when talking about all this, but if you want to know one of the most sour reflections that I have when I think that I’m 61 now and I might not make 65 – I quite easily might not – one of the bitter aspects of that is, well, I put in 60 years at the coal face, I work very hard. In the last few years I’ve got a fair amount of recognition for it, in my opinion actually rather more than I deserve, certainly more than I expected, and I could have looked forward to a few years of, shall we say, cruising speed, you know, just as we’re relishing that, enjoying it. Not ceasing to work, not resting on the laurels but savouring it a bit.
And that, I was just getting ready for that in fact, and I was hit right at the top of my form, right in the middle of a successful book tour. I’m not going to get there and that does upset me. So that’s how I demarcate it from immortality. Similarly I’m not going to see my grandchildren, almost certainly not. One has children with the expectation of dying before them, in fact, you want to make damn sure you die before them. Just as you plant a tree, build a house knowing, hoping that it will outlive you, that’s how the human species has done as well as it has…
But the thought of mortality, in other words of being outlived, is fine when it’s your children, your books or your trees. It doesn’t reconcile you to an early death.
what looks like a Japanese acid-induced maze of torture is actually the most true-to-life game ever invented, teaching you that at any moment and in any place and any time, someone or something WILL fucking kill you
oh Internet, i have once again failed you. in my attempts to carry on with the daily grind of mind-numbing mediocrity, i once again stopped blogging. and you can blame the global take-over by a ruthless, heartless, inhuman corporatocracy for it. the more information i learn about the goings on of our socially-decaying world, the angrier and disillusioned i become with nearly everything. NOT a good way to be, i can assure you lol. to that end, i’m dragging myself back to funnyville by posting some YouTube goodies i’ve accumulated (in-between info dumps of wretched globalist behaviour).
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I’ve Got You Under My Skin
i recently got to sit down and finally watch the 2009 film Gamer, which stars guy-who-kicks-Persians-into-craters, Gerard Butler as the protagonist and Michael C. Hall of Dexter as the shmoove suave villain of the piece. it’s all very Running Manesque (with doses of sci fi dystopia) but manages to entertain and spout a message on its own merits. however the highlight was Hall engaging in this twisted song & dance number, where he puts that awkward body of his to good use. it was a very ‘ateur’ish break in the film which i thought was pretty cool.
Syobon Action (aka “Cat Mario”)
i still can’t work up the testicular fortitude to take this game on, as i have trouble even clocking regular Mario. this game does, however, deserve to be praised to near mythical proportion like QWOP was/is lol. just ludicrous and hella hilarious when coupled with the commentary, Syobon Action (also being called Cat Mario) is Japanese-made torture where everything is out to kill you and every square inch of gaming screen is a trap.
This One Is For MAANDELLLLAAA!
you know how you get those invisible urges to watch something really specific? well after powering through some classic 80s buddy cop action flicks, somehow Rush Hour was next in the brain queue. and to my wonderful surprise, they hold up REALLY well. and it’s owed completely to Chris Tucker‘s hilarious ass.
Football Friend
among the many films & television shows i’ve been getting acquainted with over the last few months, is this British masterpiece in adolescent humour: The Inbetweeners. i’ve already stormed through the first 2 series’ AND the recent film (all awesome), only have series 3 left. but it’s safe to say Jay gets ALL the great lines. and he’s even funnier when wigging out, thusly.
I Mama Noodles YOUUU DEEPSHIIIIIT!
if you’re EVER looking for a decent unrated unfiltered alternative comedy program, look no further than Funny Or Die. their online shorts are certified hilarity (one of which is featured in this post starring Lenny Kravitz). in my late-night Foxtel perusings, i noticed they were on TV too. all self-made nuggets of comedy presented in a half-hour format. this particular ad featured in a short by Tim & Eric, and is a FUCKING.PISSER.
The Outback Slug
never quite got over the originality and the majesty of The Maxx project by Sam Keith and the dedicated team at the MTV Oddities camp back in the 90s. it not only stands the test of time, but manages to transcend it by being completely timeless. which makes sense for something that surfs in and out of characters deepest darkest parts of their subconscious. amongst all the heavy and heady stuff (that run-over bunny still unsettles me), there was plenty of laconic comedy thanks to Maxx and his deadpan delivery. this scene is part of a longer portion that details some of the many inhabitants of “The Outback”, a warped version of pre-historic Australia that may or may not exist inside his head.
Quiet Bag
for those frequenters of my Facebook page, you will have already heard of the mighty Day Job Orchestra and their now worldwide famous overdubs of any and everything (but mostly Star Trek clips). in-between they have other random bits n pieces worth mentioning, such as this ad for muffling that loud annoying testicle. YOU KNOW THE ONE, FELLAS.
Lenny Kravitz Is Angry
so pointless yet so well-executed (a Funny Or Die production).
Frank Tells A Story
in what has to be the greatest season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, a recent ep had Frank Reynolds (DeVito) commandeer a boat full of Asian tourists in order to get across town to see the new action film, “Thundergun Express”. but Frank being Frank, instead of landmarks and info about the city, he gleefully recounts his many misadventures with Charlie and The Gang over the years.
Havin’ A Roni
i recently watched Vanilla Ice‘s 1991 film “Cool As Ice” TWICE over the weekend lol. and instead of posting a clip from the moofie (of which there are MANY to choose from, shit is entertainment from beginning to end), i thought i’d dig deeper and post up this acapella track from Ice’s debut album. it holds a special place in my and my older brother’s heart, as we spent hours fucking with it and it brought us endless joy. hearing it uninterrupted and non-“screwed” is actually kinda weird, cos i expect specific parts to start automatically SKIPPING and cutting away lol. regardless of alla that, it’s just kinda funny to listen to anyways.
not exactly sure what this is, even after i put it together. i think the best i can do to explain it is that it’s an expression of how i see the world when i’m behind the wheel. things are near trance-like for me when the right song is playing in the car. that, and my long-time ancient-rooted adoration of our home star, the sun, came together with the aid of a song by The XX called Infinity. i haven’t been able to get it out of my head for a couple weeks now, and i guess all of this just conspired with the sunny morning drive i took & here we are. INFINITUM: an expression within a moment in time.
enjoy gettin' ripshit on RUM HAM? why not get ripshit and peruse my videos? why not do BOTH? why ask why? as the world keeps trippin' to the D-O double G, it's a doggy-dogg world.
it’s been quite a substantial gap in-between YouTube posts, and in the intervening months i’ve naturally amassed more than 10 nuggets of YouTube gold. but in keeping in line with the concept of this post, i’ll whittle it down to my fav 10. shit’s hard cos i’ve seen about a thousand million billion clips since then, but neglected to post it up. such is LIFE: when you got multiple focuses, the BLAUG always tends to suffer. especially in the “music journalism” category. which is why i like having YouTube posts to fall back on: it’s easy to crap on about random shyte plus it stimulates my writing mind. oh, a fair few of these are my own edits & uploads. actually…all of em are lol (clearly i’ve had the time). had enough reading yet? IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN…BEGun…begun…un…
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RUM HAM!
i suppose i better start with the most recent thing tickling my fancies, the illustrious indestructible all-encompassing RUM HAM. it recently made a splash (ha) on episode 2 of the new season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. after i watched it, i quickly hit teh ‘Tube to search for clips to poast onto my Facebook (cos it’s something i like to do…alone…on a Saturday night…in between faps). unfortunately the only clip i found was recorded via camera phone (long the bane of YouTube’s existence). not good enough. so i swiftly upped the damn clip MYSELF. it’s now racked up near 7.5k views within a few days, re-posts, blogs & even this video response of some brave souls actually making & tasting their own rum ham. *******SADLY THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN DOWN BY FOX JUST AS I WENT TO POST THIS BLOG THERE MIGHT STILL BE CLIPS OF IT ON TEH ‘TUBE, BUT MINE IS OFFICIALLY GIZZONE. SORRY Y’ALL.
MIND BULLETS
i also recently got hooked on Hung (that sounds…vaguely like i’m hangin off the tip of..nevermind), a show about a male prostitute doing it tough in post-economic-collapse Detroit (stars Thomas Jane as Ray). started on season 2 on the weekend and couldn’t help but cackle at the introduction of Charlie, an experienced and somewhat of a “Yoda pimp” to the main character of Tanya (Ray‘s pimp). here he discusses a pimps methods, mainly the use of mental darts (or bullets, or i guess any other projectiles).
DIDN’T You!??!!!
during what i will call “Teh Silent Interims From BLAUGations”, i managed to re-watch the ENTIRETY of The Pretender. that’s 4 seasons and two TV movies. i’ve long held an admiration for the show, and moreso the classic characters within it. back in the 90s during its run, i was pretty much obsessed with it from week-to-week. Sydney‘s vocal tone (that of Patrick Bauchau) was also a constant point of imitation via myself, my older brother and my best mate since i was in kindergarten lol. that is to say, the show was a big part of my life for a minute. and it was refreshing to revisit the series and see it through more adult contemporary eyes, allowing me to come to a fuller appreciation of the complex tapestry that is The Pretender. ANYways, another go-to line i’d love reiterating IRL was Jarod’s (the inimitable Michael T. Weiss) sometimes-use of “DIDN’T YOU!?!?!?!” when serving up a wrong-doer. admittedly this didn’t occur as often as i thought it did, but often enough that it left a mark.
SHOOT, You CLOWN!
Bud Spencer and Terence Hill have appeared in this list before. and if i let myself, they would DOMINATE every single YouTube-centric poast. however, i’ll restrain myself to just this golden clip from their CUHLASSIC 1984 flick Double Trouble where Terence goads a mercenary.
Chicken-Man! You Got It
the original 1994 Stargate film (on which the long-running TV shows are based) has plenty of meme-worthy moments. one such occasion involves Kurt Russell (the original Jack O’Neill) asking the locals of Abydos where “the chicken-man” went (i think in reference to Daniel Jackson). the clip takes it all out of context, of course, and just looks like random chicken-related craziness.
AUUWOHHOOOOH
re-watched The Matrix trilogy back-to-back-to-back recently for the first time in years, and glad to say they’ve improved over time (although Revolutions still remains the weakest installment). however, watching things now is vastly different to how i viewed things years ago. i see MORE. i get engaged by the smaller things. in this case, it’s The Oracle‘s smoker-heavy voice making one strange-ass noise in-between sentences that REALLY captured my attention lol.
THERE You Are!
sayin it now so it’s official: Vampire’s Kiss is my favourite Nic Cage film of all-time. no doubt.
Goodbye, Mr. Spatula!
i’m still in the process of upping more funny-ass clips from Ed, this one features local magician Stuckeyville Stan making Ed’s spatula disappear in an overly cheesy manner (cheesy with a wink, tho).
Denzel Thinks You’re Kinda Funny
finally got around to watching Deja Vu, and unexpectedly enjoyed it more than i thought i would. you had a pretty cool sci fi story goin, and a good ratio of “Denzelisms”. i present to you, exhibit A.
EEUHWAH!
the very first meme-ish clip i ever uploaded, was like a fucking thunderbolt from the sky. i was compelled to put it out there. it’s only a few measly seconds, but it’s got amazing replay power. the clip in question is of Arnie on the run, early on in Total Recall. and as he’s fleeing, he bumps a random cunt out of the way, and that random cunt (whomever he may be, Buddha bless him) emits a very RANDOM reactionary noise. one you wouldn’t expect to hear when one is being bumped.
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and with that, hopefully this BLAUG will see more regular care. i’d also like to switch over to my own permanent URL too at some stage before the year is through, or perhaps as a New Year’s resolution. BIGGER N BETTER, BABY. cheers.
7 months later, and even more of the world's population are learning how to Smang It
WHO RUN THE WORRRLLLDDDD? TURQUOISE JEEP! co-TJ founder & human elastic-man Flynt Flossy, along with “Lemme Smang It” star Yung Humma, recently caught wind of Beyonce‘s latest music video “Run The World (Girls)”, mostly notabley Bey’s brief inclusion of the “Smang It” dance near the end of it (round the 4:36 mark onwards >>> http://youtu.be/VBmMU_iwe6U). i thought i was the only one who noticed when the vid came out, then a couple days later The Jeep made the following video addressing the subtle big-ups.
and here’s a short comparison vid someone made on YouTube.
they're wise enough to know, when their gift needs givin (aawww u see what i did there? so clever)
what i’ve noticed so far in these Andy + JT team-ups, OTHER than the amazingly accurate fashion sense and (especially) beard-structure, is that each successive video has continued on exactly where the last one ended. eg. at the end of Dick In A Box, the boys go to jail. at the beginning of Motherlover they
are seen walking out of jail and disposing of their boxes (possibly a coy little gesture sayin that they got over the phenomenon and were eager to top it with something non-dick-in-a-box related). and in the most recent video entitled “3-Way (The Golden Rule)”, the boys sing about and justify their decision to be in a 2-guys/1-girl 3-way, featuring Lady Gaga as the female participant (who looks pretty fucking cute here in requisite 90s attire, she’s a hottie when she’s not trying to out-weirdify everyone).
V.
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