I try to avoid the blues when talking about all this, but if you want to know one of the most sour reflections that I have when I think that I’m 61 now and I might not make 65 – I quite easily might not – one of the bitter aspects of that is, well, I put in 60 years at the coal face, I work very hard. In the last few years I’ve got a fair amount of recognition for it, in my opinion actually rather more than I deserve, certainly more than I expected, and I could have looked forward to a few years of, shall we say, cruising speed, you know, just as we’re relishing that, enjoying it. Not ceasing to work, not resting on the laurels but savouring it a bit.
And that, I was just getting ready for that in fact, and I was hit right at the top of my form, right in the middle of a successful book tour. I’m not going to get there and that does upset me. So that’s how I demarcate it from immortality. Similarly I’m not going to see my grandchildren, almost certainly not. One has children with the expectation of dying before them, in fact, you want to make damn sure you die before them. Just as you plant a tree, build a house knowing, hoping that it will outlive you, that’s how the human species has done as well as it has…
But the thought of mortality, in other words of being outlived, is fine when it’s your children, your books or your trees. It doesn’t reconcile you to an early death.
what looks like a Japanese acid-induced maze of torture is actually the most true-to-life game ever invented, teaching you that at any moment and in any place and any time, someone or something WILL fucking kill you
oh Internet, i have once again failed you. in my attempts to carry on with the daily grind of mind-numbing mediocrity, i once again stopped blogging. and you can blame the global take-over by a ruthless, heartless, inhuman corporatocracy for it. the more information i learn about the goings on of our socially-decaying world, the angrier and disillusioned i become with nearly everything. NOT a good way to be, i can assure you lol. to that end, i’m dragging myself back to funnyville by posting some YouTube goodies i’ve accumulated (in-between info dumps of wretched globalist behaviour).
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I’ve Got You Under My Skin
i recently got to sit down and finally watch the 2009 film Gamer, which stars guy-who-kicks-Persians-into-craters, Gerard Butler as the protagonist and Michael C. Hall of Dexter as the shmoove suave villain of the piece. it’s all very Running Manesque (with doses of sci fi dystopia) but manages to entertain and spout a message on its own merits. however the highlight was Hall engaging in this twisted song & dance number, where he puts that awkward body of his to good use. it was a very ‘ateur’ish break in the film which i thought was pretty cool.
Syobon Action (aka “Cat Mario”)
i still can’t work up the testicular fortitude to take this game on, as i have trouble even clocking regular Mario. this game does, however, deserve to be praised to near mythical proportion like QWOP was/is lol. just ludicrous and hella hilarious when coupled with the commentary, Syobon Action (also being called Cat Mario) is Japanese-made torture where everything is out to kill you and every square inch of gaming screen is a trap.
This One Is For MAANDELLLLAAA!
you know how you get those invisible urges to watch something really specific? well after powering through some classic 80s buddy cop action flicks, somehow Rush Hour was next in the brain queue. and to my wonderful surprise, they hold up REALLY well. and it’s owed completely to Chris Tucker‘s hilarious ass.
Football Friend
among the many films & television shows i’ve been getting acquainted with over the last few months, is this British masterpiece in adolescent humour: The Inbetweeners. i’ve already stormed through the first 2 series’ AND the recent film (all awesome), only have series 3 left. but it’s safe to say Jay gets ALL the great lines. and he’s even funnier when wigging out, thusly.
I Mama Noodles YOUUU DEEPSHIIIIIT!
if you’re EVER looking for a decent unrated unfiltered alternative comedy program, look no further than Funny Or Die. their online shorts are certified hilarity (one of which is featured in this post starring Lenny Kravitz). in my late-night Foxtel perusings, i noticed they were on TV too. all self-made nuggets of comedy presented in a half-hour format. this particular ad featured in a short by Tim & Eric, and is a FUCKING.PISSER.
The Outback Slug
never quite got over the originality and the majesty of The Maxx project by Sam Keith and the dedicated team at the MTV Oddities camp back in the 90s. it not only stands the test of time, but manages to transcend it by being completely timeless. which makes sense for something that surfs in and out of characters deepest darkest parts of their subconscious. amongst all the heavy and heady stuff (that run-over bunny still unsettles me), there was plenty of laconic comedy thanks to Maxx and his deadpan delivery. this scene is part of a longer portion that details some of the many inhabitants of “The Outback”, a warped version of pre-historic Australia that may or may not exist inside his head.
Quiet Bag
for those frequenters of my Facebook page, you will have already heard of the mighty Day Job Orchestra and their now worldwide famous overdubs of any and everything (but mostly Star Trek clips). in-between they have other random bits n pieces worth mentioning, such as this ad for muffling that loud annoying testicle. YOU KNOW THE ONE, FELLAS.
Lenny Kravitz Is Angry
so pointless yet so well-executed (a Funny Or Die production).
Frank Tells A Story
in what has to be the greatest season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, a recent ep had Frank Reynolds (DeVito) commandeer a boat full of Asian tourists in order to get across town to see the new action film, “Thundergun Express”. but Frank being Frank, instead of landmarks and info about the city, he gleefully recounts his many misadventures with Charlie and The Gang over the years.
Havin’ A Roni
i recently watched Vanilla Ice‘s 1991 film “Cool As Ice” TWICE over the weekend lol. and instead of posting a clip from the moofie (of which there are MANY to choose from, shit is entertainment from beginning to end), i thought i’d dig deeper and post up this acapella track from Ice’s debut album. it holds a special place in my and my older brother’s heart, as we spent hours fucking with it and it brought us endless joy. hearing it uninterrupted and non-“screwed” is actually kinda weird, cos i expect specific parts to start automatically SKIPPING and cutting away lol. regardless of alla that, it’s just kinda funny to listen to anyways.
not exactly sure what this is, even after i put it together. i think the best i can do to explain it is that it’s an expression of how i see the world when i’m behind the wheel. things are near trance-like for me when the right song is playing in the car. that, and my long-time ancient-rooted adoration of our home star, the sun, came together with the aid of a song by The XX called Infinity. i haven’t been able to get it out of my head for a couple weeks now, and i guess all of this just conspired with the sunny morning drive i took & here we are. INFINITUM: an expression within a moment in time.
enjoy gettin' ripshit on RUM HAM? why not get ripshit and peruse my videos? why not do BOTH? why ask why? as the world keeps trippin' to the D-O double G, it's a doggy-dogg world.
it’s been quite a substantial gap in-between YouTube posts, and in the intervening months i’ve naturally amassed more than 10 nuggets of YouTube gold. but in keeping in line with the concept of this post, i’ll whittle it down to my fav 10. shit’s hard cos i’ve seen about a thousand million billion clips since then, but neglected to post it up. such is LIFE: when you got multiple focuses, the BLAUG always tends to suffer. especially in the “music journalism” category. which is why i like having YouTube posts to fall back on: it’s easy to crap on about random shyte plus it stimulates my writing mind. oh, a fair few of these are my own edits & uploads. actually…all of em are lol (clearly i’ve had the time). had enough reading yet? IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN…BEGun…begun…un…
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RUM HAM!
i suppose i better start with the most recent thing tickling my fancies, the illustrious indestructible all-encompassing RUM HAM. it recently made a splash (ha) on episode 2 of the new season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. after i watched it, i quickly hit teh ‘Tube to search for clips to poast onto my Facebook (cos it’s something i like to do…alone…on a Saturday night…in between faps). unfortunately the only clip i found was recorded via camera phone (long the bane of YouTube’s existence). not good enough. so i swiftly upped the damn clip MYSELF. it’s now racked up near 7.5k views within a few days, re-posts, blogs & even this video response of some brave souls actually making & tasting their own rum ham. *******SADLY THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN DOWN BY FOX JUST AS I WENT TO POST THIS BLOG THERE MIGHT STILL BE CLIPS OF IT ON TEH ‘TUBE, BUT MINE IS OFFICIALLY GIZZONE. SORRY Y’ALL.
MIND BULLETS
i also recently got hooked on Hung (that sounds…vaguely like i’m hangin off the tip of..nevermind), a show about a male prostitute doing it tough in post-economic-collapse Detroit (stars Thomas Jane as Ray). started on season 2 on the weekend and couldn’t help but cackle at the introduction of Charlie, an experienced and somewhat of a “Yoda pimp” to the main character of Tanya (Ray‘s pimp). here he discusses a pimps methods, mainly the use of mental darts (or bullets, or i guess any other projectiles).
DIDN’T You!??!!!
during what i will call “Teh Silent Interims From BLAUGations”, i managed to re-watch the ENTIRETY of The Pretender. that’s 4 seasons and two TV movies. i’ve long held an admiration for the show, and moreso the classic characters within it. back in the 90s during its run, i was pretty much obsessed with it from week-to-week. Sydney‘s vocal tone (that of Patrick Bauchau) was also a constant point of imitation via myself, my older brother and my best mate since i was in kindergarten lol. that is to say, the show was a big part of my life for a minute. and it was refreshing to revisit the series and see it through more adult contemporary eyes, allowing me to come to a fuller appreciation of the complex tapestry that is The Pretender. ANYways, another go-to line i’d love reiterating IRL was Jarod’s (the inimitable Michael T. Weiss) sometimes-use of “DIDN’T YOU!?!?!?!” when serving up a wrong-doer. admittedly this didn’t occur as often as i thought it did, but often enough that it left a mark.
SHOOT, You CLOWN!
Bud Spencer and Terence Hill have appeared in this list before. and if i let myself, they would DOMINATE every single YouTube-centric poast. however, i’ll restrain myself to just this golden clip from their CUHLASSIC 1984 flick Double Trouble where Terence goads a mercenary.
Chicken-Man! You Got It
the original 1994 Stargate film (on which the long-running TV shows are based) has plenty of meme-worthy moments. one such occasion involves Kurt Russell (the original Jack O’Neill) asking the locals of Abydos where “the chicken-man” went (i think in reference to Daniel Jackson). the clip takes it all out of context, of course, and just looks like random chicken-related craziness.
AUUWOHHOOOOH
re-watched The Matrix trilogy back-to-back-to-back recently for the first time in years, and glad to say they’ve improved over time (although Revolutions still remains the weakest installment). however, watching things now is vastly different to how i viewed things years ago. i see MORE. i get engaged by the smaller things. in this case, it’s The Oracle‘s smoker-heavy voice making one strange-ass noise in-between sentences that REALLY captured my attention lol.
THERE You Are!
sayin it now so it’s official: Vampire’s Kiss is my favourite Nic Cage film of all-time. no doubt.
Goodbye, Mr. Spatula!
i’m still in the process of upping more funny-ass clips from Ed, this one features local magician Stuckeyville Stan making Ed’s spatula disappear in an overly cheesy manner (cheesy with a wink, tho).
Denzel Thinks You’re Kinda Funny
finally got around to watching Deja Vu, and unexpectedly enjoyed it more than i thought i would. you had a pretty cool sci fi story goin, and a good ratio of “Denzelisms”. i present to you, exhibit A.
EEUHWAH!
the very first meme-ish clip i ever uploaded, was like a fucking thunderbolt from the sky. i was compelled to put it out there. it’s only a few measly seconds, but it’s got amazing replay power. the clip in question is of Arnie on the run, early on in Total Recall. and as he’s fleeing, he bumps a random cunt out of the way, and that random cunt (whomever he may be, Buddha bless him) emits a very RANDOM reactionary noise. one you wouldn’t expect to hear when one is being bumped.
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and with that, hopefully this BLAUG will see more regular care. i’d also like to switch over to my own permanent URL too at some stage before the year is through, or perhaps as a New Year’s resolution. BIGGER N BETTER, BABY. cheers.
7 months later, and even more of the world's population are learning how to Smang It
WHO RUN THE WORRRLLLDDDD? TURQUOISE JEEP! co-TJ founder & human elastic-man Flynt Flossy, along with “Lemme Smang It” star Yung Humma, recently caught wind of Beyonce‘s latest music video “Run The World (Girls)”, mostly notabley Bey’s brief inclusion of the “Smang It” dance near the end of it (round the 4:36 mark onwards >>> http://youtu.be/VBmMU_iwe6U). i thought i was the only one who noticed when the vid came out, then a couple days later The Jeep made the following video addressing the subtle big-ups.
and here’s a short comparison vid someone made on YouTube.
they're wise enough to know, when their gift needs givin (aawww u see what i did there? so clever)
what i’ve noticed so far in these Andy + JT team-ups, OTHER than the amazingly accurate fashion sense and (especially) beard-structure, is that each successive video has continued on exactly where the last one ended. eg. at the end of Dick In A Box, the boys go to jail. at the beginning of Motherlover they
are seen walking out of jail and disposing of their boxes (possibly a coy little gesture sayin that they got over the phenomenon and were eager to top it with something non-dick-in-a-box related). and in the most recent video entitled “3-Way (The Golden Rule)”, the boys sing about and justify their decision to be in a 2-guys/1-girl 3-way, featuring Lady Gaga as the female participant (who looks pretty fucking cute here in requisite 90s attire, she’s a hottie when she’s not trying to out-weirdify everyone).
"HHEEELLOOOO! it'ssss MOIIIEE! Mulligrubs!!! theeesse days i work as a...*giggles* CAAAARTOOON PROSSSTITUTE!"
hwwwell well WELL. it feels like it’s been forever since i BLAUGED on the BLAUG (i will never get tired of this made-up alternate word for “blog” that i..made up), and so i thought to curb all the music-centric posts (let’s face it, that’s probably my LEADING addiction, however this BLAUG is meant to cover all areas of media and the arts) here is yet another edition of the 10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube (can be shortened to “10 Coolest Things…” yknow like they did with “8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter”?).
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Harout Pamboukjian – Spaghetti & Meatballs (On Adult Swim)
warning: Armenians, your heads may explode from the sheer randomosity of this clip. my childhood favourite Armo singer and local L.A. celeb Harout “The Beard” Pamboukjian taps into what seems to be one kooky sense of humour, as he serenades us with a beautimus ode to spaghetti & meatballs. i showed it to my folks, also big fans, and it just bewildered them at the most. i, however, replayed it no less than 10 times to achieve nirvana (also: it really made me wanna eat spaghetti & meatballs).
Mulligrubs
OOKKAAAYY. how to describe this wonderful nugget of Aussie kid’s programming known simply as Mulligrubs. what we have here is a show that works on the basis of random structure. as you can see in the clip, we get a mixture of the so-nice-they-could-be-unhinged presenters singing songs about anything they could think of (once they came down from the acid trip, of course). the lady sings a song about going for walkies in the bush and seeing animals, at which point the image turns into an almost voyeuristic scene of young Aussie kids interacting with the local animalia (emus, a pretty common sight in the early 90s, my parents used to take us to parks to feed kangaroos n shit as kids, but nowadays it’s a safety hazard cos, i assume, no one wants to get sued). we also get a bearded man interpreting the sounds of nature on his…”auto-harp”? …what the fuck is an auto-harp? and to round things up, how can one get past that iconic multi-coloured stoned-off-her-tits FACE that will haunt u well into ur teens & 20s.
Cosbymon
witness the delicious marriage of fake Cosby from The Simpsons and the original Pokemon game music.
Michael Ian Black: Taco Party
coming off his recent bid to be Taco Bell‘s official spokesman, i delved into YouTube to find some more MiB & taco love connections and i was able to procure this, a reading from Mike’s book My Custom Van. the portion he reads here is called…Taco Party.
Archer: Terms Of En-Rampage-Ment
while the rest of the world slowly catches up, me & a cadre of others have been enjoying probably the smartest, funniest, edgiest scripted program currently on TV (forget that it’s animated, it still shits all over most live-action productions at the moment). currently in the tail-end of its second season, Archer has only improved with time, moreso by delving into the lives of all the supporting characters. but in a recent episode the title character Sterling Archer, after having been diagnosed with breast cancer, realises he’s been taking placebo medicine & goes on, what he calls, a rampage. he calls it many different things before settling on Terms Of Enrampagement. this is the penultimate scene in the episode where he confronts the man behind all the fake cancer drugs. if this ending looked AT ALL familiar to you…it’s because it was ripped straight from an episode of Magnum, P.I. in a glorious semi-obscure homage. i’ve saved y’all the trouble and linked the scene in question below.
Magnum P.I.: Did You See The Sunrise This Morning?
best believes, a LOT of ppl were driven to this clip cos of Archer. ain’t nothin but a WIN/WIN.
Got Cankles? – The Circulation Booster Ad
my faith in late night Aussie infomercials has been restored! i’ve always felt that opting to be openly lame without acknowledging the lameness is a bad way to go for an infomercial. instead it’s best to accept and own WHAT you are (a soulless image covering the intent to fleece the public of dollars), and go ahead and accentuate the lameness. make it fun to watch, shit, it might even be the CAUSE of ppl buying the product. case in point: The Circulation Booster. a handy dandy device intended to boost the circulation in whatever appendages you think need boosting (penis booster still not available as of this post). there have been a few different variations of the ad floating around, the most well known one involving a woman talking about her “dear old mother“, but i find myself enjoying the cankles-related ones a LOT more lol.
Black Hammer & White Lightning
i very recently plowed through a buncha late 80s/early 90s classics, including Major League 1 & 2. after winning at the end of the first film Cinderella-style, we get presented with a thoroughly corrupted team of players who start concentrating more on their careers instead of playing baseball in ML2. this manifests in many ways, one of em being the film Omar Epps (as Willie Mays Hays, replacing Wesley Snipes) does with Jesse Ventura (in an awesome cameo performance) called Black Hammer & White Lightning (one would assume, lampooning the cross-over ambitions of non-actors transitioning into action movie roles).
*yawn*
if only the volume on this clip was cranked the fuck up, but no big deal, just twiddle the volume knob to a high level and enjoy 3 seconds of pure Walken awesomesauce (Walken, as Max Shreck, delivers this line to Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne from the dark & hella-entertaining Batman Returns).
DEUUEAUGH
another day, another meme. this time someone’s used a small clip of a screaming fish from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. click here to see all the variations.
if ur both a Michael Ian Black fan AND on twitter, you’d know over the last 24hrs or so Mike has been on a campaign to get Taco Bell to use him as their next spokesperson. proving that having 1.5million followers can be effective as hell, many of his followers tweeted similar msgs to Taco Bell: and a movement was born. now anyone down for the cause is rockin this campaign poster. i woulda posted this last nite but wordpress was crackin the shits, however, i wake up today and i found that there are now also accompanying ads on YouTube to further convince Taco Bell of their grievous error (that being NOT, up to this point, hiring Michael Ian Black). everybody, “getttt onnnn the BUS”, –Killface.
there’s actually a couple of vids. this first one’s made by animator and composer Spencer Nunamaker (aka mooQuu) (also check out his blog for some interesting shit).
vid #2 is a simple Michael Ian Black + Taco Bell = True Luv 4 Ever equation.
if u wanna keep updated, just search for #mibfortacobell on ze twitter. also, approximately 12hrs ago, Taco Bell responded to the outpouring of tweets with this:
i’d like to introduce y’all to two of my favourite ppl in the world and all of its universes: Michael Ian Black & Tom Cavanagh. for anyone who knows even a skoche of detail about me, knows i go apeshit over Ed, a TV series that ran for 4 seasons (2000-2004) & was helmed by Late Show With David Letterman alums Jon Beckerman & Rob Burnett (not to mention executive produced by Dave himself). other than the Letterman-inspired tone and humour of the show, were the actors and characters themselves. they were so endearing that a decade later they’re still on my mind. however i scarcely bothered seeing what the individuals had done outside of Ed, not out of laziness, just cos i kept re-watching Ed over and over and never had a reason to. so over the last few years i’ve made more of a concentrated effort to delve into the careers of these people instead of just re-hashing the glory of Ed over and over (there’s a giant post about the show forthcoming, so i won’t go into too much detail right now). suffice to say, i’ve learned to keep tabs on those who’ve been more visible online and off. Mike has a comedy troupe called Stella & wrote a childrens book called Chicken Cheeks, Tom has been in a BUNCH of films (most recently playing Ranger Smith in the high-profile Yogi Bear film) & made some notable guest TV appearances, & i guess the most recognisable face from the Ed family has to be the awesome ascension into the broader limelight of Justin Long, whose portrayal of the forever geeky but sweet Warren Cheswick is pretty much a masterclass in comedy.
ANYWAY (i wasn’t meant to ramble), after finally getting on to Twitter i’ve been able to keep up to date with Mike’s latest projects, so it warmed the cockles of my cockular heart to see he was doing a podcast with Tom…and it was gonna be called Mike & Tom Eat Snacks…and all they would do is eat snacks and talk about em (the snacks that they’re eating…got the premise yet?). i’ve only listened to the first 2 eps (there are 7 in total thus far) and it’s as quality as you’d expect from the teaming of these two. here’s a link to ep1, the rest can be streamed/downloaded from the official MATEScast page on Soundcloud, become a fan on Facebook too.
so the other day i was referred to a brand spankin new YouTube meme that’s currently sweeping the Internets by friend & fellow blogger Chris (of Eurasian Sensation), a stroke of genius called: Guile Theme Goes With Everything (click the link to sift thru the 4,700 variants, & growing larger every day). after busting multiple guts laughin my Family Man ass off, i became enamored with the specific version of Guile’s Theme being used in the videos (as the default version). turns out it’s a bit of a rare version used only in Super Street Fighter II. anyways, as i frequent the Okayplayermsg boards quite often, every now n then we’ll have a beat challenge, or “Beat-Off”, as it were. where anyone and everyone participates in using one sample source to make a beat, or a full song, or whatever the imagination inspires. i thought i might as well keep this Guile-related momentum going and use the theme as the sample source for a brand new Beat-Off! 🙂
this is for any and all bedroom/indy/underground producers and beatheads to participate in. the rules are simple: download the mp3 link to Guile’s Theme below, use it as the sample source to make your own composition. no other sample sources are allowed, except for the use of your own kicks, hi hats & snares & any other original elements you can add without sampling another source. once ur entry is ready, email the mp3 to vahekosh@gmail.com. remember to clearly include your artist name + title of your entry.
due date for submissions is March 26th. after which voting will take place for the best entrant in The Lesson (OKP). after voting is over i will compile all the entries into one album (title still to be decided) and make it available for download right here on C.O.A.C.M. excited? …NO? WELL WHY DON’T U GO HOME AND BE A FAMILY MAN THEN, PUNK! before i go, here’s a few of my fav Guile Theme Goes With Everything memes (that is until i find funnier ones). enjoy and good luck to the participants!
read this blog or i'll get my buddy Dinky Dawson over there to come take a shit in YOUR aquarium. and if u don't HAVE an aquarium, one will be provided so Dawson can still take a shit in it
mo’ YouTube, mo BLAUGIN’. go forth and be entertained, y’all.
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You Just Pulled Landscaping Duty
Ben Stiller‘s finest roles (imo) have always involved him rockin the handlebar ‘stache. this would be his finest in that mode.
NOW WE’RE FCKED
so not too long ago, a YouTube user with the name HighVoltageChrist came up with a video meme/fad vid that is quirky than the usual shit (think how viral the Antoine Dodson shit became, but on a smaller scale). anyways the basic premise is: use footage from the old Mario & Luigi cartoon show to shimmy the convo in a way that ends with one of the characters uttering an expletive. except the editing has to be precision in a way that makes someone SOUND like they’re saying “FUCK”, but in actuality is some jumbled up version that ranges from “FGLUP!” to “FWUACK!”. immediately after this comes a cut up clip of Luigi jauntily strolling singing the word “KOOP/COO” over and over to the melody of some random song (at the behest of the individual editor, there are many others). this one apparently is the original one that started this (sofar) underground YouTube fad/trend.
Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit
Nic Cage, i feel, is a somewhat misunderstood and slightly underrated actor, but definitely one of the best of our generation. and i think that’s the case cos it’s only when he chooses to play tweaked characters (some that are outright psychotic and possibly insane) when we see the depth of his talent. here, lovingly cut together, is a collection of just some of those special moments.
Dawson Leery – Asshole For Hire
i was a BIG Dawson’s Creek fan back when the show first started, and remained a loyal soldier throughout its entire 6-season run. yes everyone knows half the show’s appeal is the very epitome of cheese. however, the hook that differed this show from any kind of teen soap comparison were the characters themselves and how they communicated. long story short: they all talked like smartass psychology professors (and heavy on the sarcastic self-fladulation when it came to Pacey). i never, not once, while watching the show facepalmed or groaned at its lameness, cos it never really was. it was enjoyable, and should now be regarded as vintage television for ppl who grew up watching it. it’s got this nostalgic glow to it, is what i mean. but what happens when its star and namesake can’t shake being labeled as The Dawson? he goes on the offensive. this clip is but one of many that resulted when James Van Der Beek took over funnyordie.com for a week recently. another golden outcome from this takeover was: JamesVanDerMemes.com (if u love Der Beek you’d be a fool not to click).
SAD FORRR YOOOUUUUUU
i remember clicking onto random eps of Dragonball Z as a kid and witnessing those long extended-ass fights between Vegeta and Frieza, but it was all a bit too schizo for me to get into. i do, however, remember Vegeta‘s hectic-ass yelling and screaming of everything that comes out of his mouth.
Flynt Flossy & Whatchyamacallit – Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor (feat. Pretty Raheem)
as i had suspected, in a recent interview with Turquoise Jeep Records founder and artist Flynt Flossy (aka F Dot Floss), it was revealed that the earlier Jeep tracks were produced by fellow artist Whatchyamacallit. i call this the pre-Tummiscratch era. i only held that suspicion cos there was a notcieable increase in the recording quality of the vocals, the flow of the emcees and the overall production of the music. clearly Tummiscratch is the man with the magic touch, producing smangers like Slick Mahony‘s “Sex Syrup” & “Go Grab My Belt“, Flynt‘s “Cavities” (feat. Pretty Raheem & Watchyamacallit), Yung Humma‘s “Lemme Smang It” and a few other album-only cuts that aren’t on YouTube. but even Tummiscratchless, the Jeep does impress. this is an early rough cut of the song “Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor” which appears on the newly-released debut album “Keep The Jeep Ridin‘” in a more polished form. most, if not all the sounds i recognise as Fruity Loops/FL Studio presets, but it doesn’t matter cos the song is still smangin.
Kameron Corvet – Know These Things:Shouldn’t You
a decent acoustic cover of an underrated Maxwell song from his 2nd album “Embrya“.
Snuff Box – Boyfriend Scenes
yet another short-lived British sketch show that, judging from this clip, must be seen.
Cushion Muncher
when i was but a child, one of my aunties fed me a styrofoam cup. haven’t seen her since.
Stella – “Bar”
probly one of the most surreal comedy troupes around (i think anything with Michael Ian Black is fantastish anywho). oh ye, the bar owner (aka the guy who can’t cum) is H. Jon Benjamin, currently voicing the title character in the animated hit “Archer“.
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“In the beginning, there was darkness, and then, bang—giving birth to an endless, expanding existence of time, space and matter. Now, see further than we’ve ever imagined, beyond the limits of our existence, in a place we call The Universe.”
for those who have to put up with my shenanigans on Facebook, you know i have an intense hard-on for all things The Universe(which airs on the History Channel). my fascination for outer-space and the mechanics of how everything works started pretty early and has only really grown since childhood. so much so that there are times when i’ve felt that, in another version of my life, i should’ve ended up being a scientist. but instead i’m a fact-hound on all things bout the ‘verse coupled with my sometimes-soft musings about the interconnectedness of all things, from Earth-bound to space and beyond. mostly i just like having my wig flipped by the science this show drops, and in such an entertaining fashion too.
the narrator, Erik Thompson, is a character himself, presenting everything in that ‘dramatic movie trailer’ voice (“in a LAAANND not their OWWNN…” etc). the show also employs some pretty impressive sfx to educate oneself about all the latest developments relating to Earth and space. they’re especially fond of playing out multiple doomsday scenarios via computer graphics and real footage. i guess u could call it edu-tainment at its finest, instead this show (imo) has probly the most important things to say and report than anything else. the mix of professors, scientists, engineers, writers & thinkers who make regular appearances on the show basically are cosmic detectives who are constantly peeling back more and more of what makes our planet and our Universe exist and function. my utmost respect goes to these people who actively engage in critical thinking and are always searching for the truth that underpins our age-old superstitious knowledge.
two of the regular contributors to the show in particular have been added to my lengthening list of “heroes” that i look up to and am somewhat inspired by, simply for the glee with which they talk about the subject matter, and always ready to back up their findings and assertions by performing simple (and highly amusing) experiments. these are astrophysicist and professor of astronomy at The University Of California, Berkeley Alex Filippenko(always talks science with an eager smile on his face). the other is physicist, professor & best-selling author Dr. Michio Kaku (often waxes poetical about a universal discovery with a sly smile and tone of voice). these two arguably busy minds still find the time to frequent almost every episode of The Universe and talk shop with a child-like zeal, and have taught me more than any cursory class at school did and, as a result, made me constantly think about my place in the Universe and what that even means. the backbone of the show, hell of science in general, is a generally curious disposition that champions facts, and the constant searching for truth within a Universe filled with cosmic phenomena. the show has stated this many times:
“we can’t know everything“
it’s that simple statement which allows someone to broaden their perspective and perhaps think about reality in ways they never imagined before. it doesn’t take much really, just a willingness to try a new or different point of view. i’m not saying this program is the most epiphanous in all of creation, it is however an easy and simply-presented gateway to grander thinking and fresher ways of looking at everyday things in your life.
one of many Extinction Level Event disaster scenarios the show has played out via CGI animation
now instead of just offering a taste of the show (if you are in fact unfamiliar with it), i’m posting an entire 44min episode (there’s more than a few full eps available to watch on YouTube). this is Season 3’s “The Edge Of Space“. kick back and take a look at the modern-day reality that is Earth from distant vantage points in outer-space. and if the irony of humanity polluting the stars the same way we’re polluting the Earth doesn’t hit you over the head with an obvious SHMACK, then perhaps this isn’t your sorta thing (no snark-o, just sayin).
RAED, beloved Melbourne rapper, says: "yous shoes the Blues Clues and a...WHOSE WHO of my BOO'S NEWWWSSS!" (translation: read Vahé's blog cos it is really cool, bro)
here it be once again, 10 assorted YouTube clips that will make u laugh, cry and possibly shit ur pants (that’s fucking disgusting man, don’t shit ur pants, unless u really HAVE to, in which case may i recommend using some Quilton to clean up afterwards?).
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Letterman interviews Regis
not only is this a masterclass in off-the-cuff, unscripted interviewing technique, two friends of mine who recently got married and were honeymooning in New York were in the crowd for the filming of this episode. not only THAT, during the pre-show warm-up (where Dave comes out and jokes around with the audience, and later refers back to those off-air jokes during his monologues and throughout the show) after Dave mentioned “Dairy Queen”, one of them (Layal, known to Dave as “Linda”) raised her hand and asked “what’s Dairy Queen?”. following Dave’s surprise at Aussies not having had the pleasure of enjoying “Dairy Queen”, it built up into Dave summoning some “Dilly Bars” during the interview, giving one to Regis, one to Layal (who gets some air-time in this clip, along with hubby Gareth) and eats one himself. it’s all rather surreal seeing ppl u know end up being a central point of an entire episode of Letterman. i know i’ve only DREAMED of getting that close to the man himself. congrats guys 🙂
Here’s How A Harem Girl Dances
Andy Richter as Kenny doin a lil dance in 1994’s tweaked-out fantasy-action-comedy film Cabin Boy. lol a solid top 5 movie.
The Micallef Program – This Is Going To Sound Ridiculous…
what can i say, i worship at the comedy altar of Shaun Micallef. THE funniest person Australia has ever produced.
Telemetry Orchestra – Suburban Harmony
they’re Aussie, they’re super chill, and this music vid takes me to my happy place.
The Cone Of Silence
recently i started watching the original Get Smart series from the very start, as i’ve never seen the full series from beginning to end before. this scene takes place in the first episode, and sets the precedent for the insane level of ‘funny’ this show has to offer.
Luckiest People Alive
a compilation of near-misses and heinous brushes with death that somehow don’t end in tragedy and tears.
Raed – Just Ask Me
“CAN I GET A BEEPBEEP A TOOT TOOOOOT!?”. of COURSE u can, RAED! just as soon as i figure out WHAT THE FUCK U ARE ON ABOUT IN UR SONGS, DUDE. this guy RAED (Lebanese-Australian “rapper”) is either completely out of his gourd or possess the most advanced style of emceeing on the planet and we’re just too deficient to “get it”. either way i’m a fan (which probly says more about me than him).
The Base Is Quite Thick!
recently i got to witness an episode of Nigella Lawson doin her thing in the kitchen, and holy canoli @ the amount of sexual innuendos present in her descriptions of food and the cooking process in general. apparently this is something she’s KNOWN for and naturally, someone’s compiled them.
D-FENS Goes Golfing
watched the Michael Douglas flick Falling Down last week, hadn’t seen it for yeaaarrrss. still held up okay (though was a skoche racist in some parts). this scene in particular though cracked me THEE fuck up.
these three little cranky fuckers are cranky cos they're high on sugar all the time. oh, and cos i ain't been doin my blogging duties so well lately.
SO, cos i been busy at work i’ve neglected the weekly installments of this little ball of entertainment. instead i’ma just chuck up the 10 coolest YouTube vids i find within any time period, at my own leisure (as it should be).
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Guy Flies Through Train On A Fire Extinguisher
every now and then i watch something like this, sit back in my chair with tears comin out my eyes, and marvel at how far humanity has come in its ability to make me lose my shit. well done.
Now I Show You Some Trick Or Two
clearly, the best fighters and action stars in the world can’t emote for shit, but DANG if it’s not entertaining.
Yooou Shallll Nottt PAAASSS!
i don’t how you guys felt, but i thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was one of the best comedies of the last decade. it holds up to numerous repeat viewings, has got one-liners comin out the ASS and also makes sure to take the audience along for the emotional ride (sometimes embellished) that Peter goes through. i think any broken-hearted man with a sense of humour is gonna identify a lot with the emotions involved within the process of getting over someone who you love like mad, but aren’t actually a good match for. outside of that, Jason Segel (who penned the script) carries the film like a veteran, showing us equal parts vulnerable soft-hearted guy, angry volatile guy and geek-laden funny guy (the latter of which i chose to show here).
The Lollipop Guild
now it’s been a while since i saw The Wizard Of Oz, but this scene seems to have stayed with me for whatever reason. one thing is for sure, you don’t wanna fuck with The Lollipop Guild. the dude on the end looks like he’s bout to have a stroke. i bet they don’t even usually GREET people, but cos Dorothy wasn’t a munchkin The Wiz forced em into doing some lame PR shit (LOOK at how fucking cranky they are lol).
Niles & Frasier: BAAAALLLIIIIN’
an oft-misunderstood show, however that didn’t stop it for running for a decade. i guess the misunderstanding comes with the snooty tone of the show, which puts out a “i’m better than you” vibe, but which also cleverly uses that snootiness for some funny-as-hell moments. eventually you side WITH the snooty Cranes and laugh along with their faux highbrow humour.
What Are You Doing In My Toilet?
Leslie Nielsen recently passed away after an amazing career in tv and film. his brief role in one of my fav tv shows ever, Due South, as Buck Frobisher will be the bits i remember him best for (despite the Naked Gun films and all the other stuff he’s done, got a problem wit dat?!). Leslie played a fart-prone Canadian Mountie. NUFF SAID.
Unnecessarily Censored Smurfs
amazing what some well-placed b***s can do for a video (ohhh see what i did there?).
Purple Berries
im not even sure HOW i stumbled onto this twisted little display of genius editing skills, i WAS in a green haze at the time. HOWEVER, altho most people won’t get the humour, this vid is a perfect example of how you can squeeze laughs out of anything provided you have comic timing and editing skills. mostly through the elongation of certain scenes, and the slooowwwing dooowwnn of others. in the end you are left with a bizarre concoction, but one that’s gonna make people like me (ie those with advanced humour lobes in our brains) kakk til i drop.
Floating Head
lol quite a well-done take on what happens when an evil floating head haunts you, and the emotional attachment that can develop in the process.
LAUGHING TIME IS OVER
unfortunately this is the last vid, and, well, no more laughink for yous (for now).
Pokemon!? wit the Pokeee and the Mon and the thing n the ARH AH AH
cartoon Cosby enjoys my taste in random YouTubery, so why shouldn’t you?
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VB Ad – “Kebab”
the irony: this ad speaks more truth about the late-night Aussie tradition of grabbin a kebab after a night out on the piss than it does about the quality of beer that is VB.
Have You Been High Today?
i’m bleeding FUCKING A!
Pokemon!?
The Simpsons: still as funny as you remember it being. possibly even moreso when watching through more adult eyes.
I’m Gonna Fuck You In The Ass On Saturday
you KNOW no one fucks with The Jesus (even if he is a “peder-ass”). but he’s even more magnificent to watch when slooowwweed the fugggggg dooowwwnnnnnn….HWOOOOOHHHH!!! *multiple crotch thrusts*.
last week i was exposed to the utter genius that was Yung Humma and “Lemme Smang It“, which featured Flynt Flossy, one of the most bizarre take-offs of a commercial rapper i’ve ever seen, yet his look and sound and everything doesn’t seem to be BASED on anyone lol. everytime i see him on my computer screen i am in awe. now i can add Pretty Raheem and Whatchyamacallit to the list of Turquoise Jeep artists who are kickin more ass and makin cooler songs than the big-name counterparts they’re parodying. now open up wiiiiide for mo cavities.
Chinese Folk Song (feat. The Asian Christopher Walken)
mind-bogglingly awesome. i’ve often held theories as to the nature of the song and the situation. clearly Asian Christopher Walken is the ‘mack’ in the scenario, and he’s gotta choose between these two bitches who won’t stop bugging him while he’s trynah do his thang on an open green field. don’tchya just hate when ppl gotta be all up in ur shit n fuckin up ur game like that?
VENTUUUUUURRAAAAAA…
still one funny-ass (and actually quite bizarre, if u stop and think about the craziness of the character himself) moofie, made all the more hilario by the short inclusion of Ace’s landlord, “Mr. Shickadance“. his forced double-cough is what gets me the most.
Is This The Cocksucker Residence?
underrated performance from a biting satire film by John Waters called “Serial Mom“, starring Kathleen Turner as a serial killing suburban housewife and mother. in this scene, she says some naughty words.
Friendface
one of two clips i’ve selected from The IT Crowd, cos it’s a pisser of a show and it’s my blog so SHUT IT UP, CAMILLE!
Memory IS RAM!
GAHAHAHAHA @ Moss’ utter indignation at Jen’s ignorance (with Roy disapprovingly shaking his head).
i’ve decided that i will periodically disseminate my film picks for essential stoner viewing. initially this was going to be a one-off post but the more films i watch (and they only increase exponentially as i get older), the more recommendations i have. the films in question may not directly involve weed or drugs as part of their plot or story, they may just be trippy in nature and therefore appeal more to the stoner’s sense of wonder and awe than the general sober individual. as a result this list is a mix of comedy, drama, fantasy and thought experiment exercise flicks. all offer something for the stoned mind, that is, an askew look at the world and reality that manifests itself either through belly laughs, introspection or just a general sense of awesome self-awareness that you are watching something fucking cool.
in no particular order:
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Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)
in possibly one of the greatest sequels ever made, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey actually kills off its two main stars and sends them to hell and back. in this classic scene, the boys have to play Death himself (aka “The Reaper”, played by the hugely underrated William Sadler) in order to win their freedom. i’m not sure what the reception was like for this film during its release, but watching it as an adult makes you realise how all-out and ballsy it was. the boys explore the inner-recesses of their minds in multiple chambers throughout hell, confront the devil, mug people in heaven in order to get past the gates to see God himself (depicted as a booming man’s voice), all in an inane attempt to preserve their “excellent” future legacy. watching the first film (which is also quite a trip, but not on par with this (though plenty of ppl feel the opposite)) will help you understand all the little bit characters that pop up throughout the film’s reality and hell sequences.
Head On (1998)
Head On is a decade-old Aussie film that turned out to be one of the most confronting and intense film experiences i’ve ever had. i only got around to watching it a year ago and it felt like i’d been thwacked over the head with a sack of potatoes by the end of it. the amazing performance by Alex Dimitriades gives the entire film a heavy, palpable, moody edge that completely absorbs you (even through the man-on-man action, for those that might be squeamish at such a sight). balancing the depiction of the traditional wog family living in Australia and trying to maintain some sort of cultural identity, with the grungy, complicated, bi-curious and aimless youth of the day makes it riveting to watch (especially as homosexuality and wogs is an eternally touchy subject). this balancing act shows the turmoil present in both aspects of Ari’s (the lead character played by Alex) life, and only adds to the tense washed out atmosphere director Ana Kokkinos helps foster.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
to try and describe the film would leave the uninitiated with a headspin. i watched this for the first time many years ago, and was clearly unready for the genius of the Coen brothers. last year, however, that all changed when i randomly decided to watch it again, for no real reason other than the fact that i was curious why people the world over were still, to this day, hugely obsessed with The Dude and the world of colourful fellow cohorts he inhabits. thankfully, the 2nd viewing did the trick. not only is this a stoner’s wet dream, it’s possibly one of the most quotable films ever made. A MUST SEE.
Waking Life (2001)
this scene from Richard Linklater‘s rotoscoped classic features Alex Jones on one of his many blood-boiling action-inducing rants that make you wanna get up and smash some shit in the name of freedom and justice n alla that good shit. the entire film follows a nameless kid as he strolls through his subconscious within a lucid dream, chatting and listening to all types of people giving their impression of what the world and the universe is all about. this kinda shit is pretty much the default flick for the D n’ M stoner who is looking to awaken a different part of their brain and think about some stuff, all while copping the absolutely unique visual style that is ‘rotoscoping’.
Dark City (1998)
the Aussies are at it again. actually Aussie cinema from the 80s onwards would truly trip even the most stoic stoner out for its sheer audacity and general grunginess. Dark City is a film from highly stylistic and uber-talented director Alex Proyas (who also has The Crow and I, Robot on his resumé). it is also one of the main blueprints the Wachowskis relied upon when shaping The Matrix (which is a nice way of saying they stole/borrowed a lot of shit from Dark City, not just themes and plot, but tone, visuals, entire scenes AND the re-using of constructed set pieces). the film’s protagonist is a man named “John” who has no idea who, where or WHEN he is. around him the world seems to come to a complete standstill, he’s being chased by weird albinos in trench coats, the sun never comes out, and buildings twist and turn and change into other structures (along with the people who also switch identities). either he’s on acid, or somethin hinky is goins on. the film works both on a sci fi level, and a deeply human one as it involves the figuring out and procuring of the human soul. there’s plenty here to get the high mind percolating.
Super Troopers (2001)
i can tell you right meow, this is a certified classic any which way you look at it complete with three stoner viewing essentials: quotables, characters, & weed-induced hilarity. the opening scene alone still warrants hefty belly laughs and uncontrollable chortling. overall it’s the playful nature of the film, and the comic prowess of Broken Lizard that make this (and most of their films) central to a healthy ‘stoner’s film diet’.
Trinity Is Still My Name (1971)
you could argue i’ve included this absolute CLASSIC film because of Bud Spencer and Terence Hill’s iconic ahead-of-their-time humour and comic timing, or because it’s one of the films that kick-started the “Spaghetti Western” genre (one of the first being the predecessor to this film, 1970’s They Call Me Trinity). but if you watch this clip, you’ll see that yes, it’s those things, but mostly? it’s THE FUCKING FOOD. nobody, i mean nobody knows how to eat some food on-screen better than these two. since childhood i’ve watched their films, and in every single one of them there is an extended scene of the two eating an exorbitant amount of food, and really just enjoying the shit out of it. i credit Bud, Terence and the writer/director behind most of their memorable team-ups, Enzo Barboni (aka E.B. Clucher), for making me insanely hungry and providing me with some pretty awesome munchies-related moments throughout my life. on a further note, please track down and watch the two Trinity films. in fact, track down and watch anything these two ever made together. you’ll soon realise you’ve been missing out on an entire classic era of cinema you never knew existed. word=bond.
Return To Oz (1985)
i’m not sure too many people have even heard of this Disney sequel to The Wizard Of Oz. instead of presenting a happy sing-songy munchkinland, this film is more akin to a dark, psychological fantasy film, with enough scary shit in it to leave an indelible mark on me and children like me who were young when they were first exposed to it. the land of Oz is in tatters as Dorothy (played by a young Fairuza Balk in her film debut) navigates it with her pet chicken and encounters all sortsa crazy fucked up shit (ok not my most eloquent description).
Zapped! (1982)
Scott Baio is in a lab accident that gives him telekinetic powers which he, of course, puts to good use by mentally mackin on chicks and other assorted stuff that would make u lose your shit. it’s the 80s, what else ya gonna do (i’ll tell you what else you gonna do, smoke up and enjoy a fat slice of 80s teen movie excess).
The Neverending Story (1984)
yet another supposed kids film that scared the crap out of me as a child. i’m sure everyone remembers Falcor. who the fuck wouldn’t? but does anyone remember the entire planet blowing up? NOPE. but i do.
if you think i’m the only one with an interesting and varied musical palette in my family, think again. twice. i would say my older brother was the impetus for my own musical journey (awww, he called it a “journey”), but it hit me the other day that my dad, who just recently turned 65, also has a bit of a multi-generational taste in music. considering that i’m as much of an oddball as he is, i shouldn’t be surprised. actually we share more than a few things in common (we both have broken our noses bad enough to warrant two surgeries, we both are avid photo-takers). so here’s a brief but varied assortment of songs mein papa has dug and subsequently put his ‘spin’ on over the years (he is a wog, after all).
note: most of these clips don’t let u watch/listen as embeds, ur guna have to click the “Watch on YouTube” link if u wanna listen to em
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it’s hard for people to imagine my dad being a rebellious smartass playboy bachelor living on his own in the “big city” (in actuality, the rather “tiny-ass” but tré hip city of Beirut in the 70s), but by all accounts this was the case. aside from having awesomely uncanny fashion sense for a man, dad was into his ROCK music. he never really knew names or artists, but he knew the melodies and he would often hum them in his inimitable old-guy-hummin-classic-rock fashion.
when dad first randomly asked me to track down a song called “Poke Seled Ennie” many years ago, i laffed. but then i eventually started to grasp his method of communication (let’s just call it “D-Bonics” for now), and after he kept repeating the name “Tony Joe White. Tony Joe White” to me over and over with no context, i realised i had all the information i needed to conduct my search and placate my father’s excitement. turns out the song is pretty dang cool too.
don’t sit there scratching your head. throughout the 90s my brother and i had already firmly established ourselves as the most soulful hip-hoppingest white boys around, so this was the kinda shit we were pumping in our respective rooms while doing homework. the constant barrage of music throughout the house seemed to have an effect on dad, as he would randomly burst into the chorus of this song, showing special attention to the words “baby baby won’t you be mine” and singing it with this old man ‘drawl’ voice he puts on, turning the song into: “bayybee bayybee whunt you bee moooiiinnee”.
Maxwell is up there as one of THE best artists i’ve had the pleasure of listening to, and who i wanted to model my persona after (didn’t quite work out that way as my hair is nowhere near as cool and oh yeah, i’m not as fucking sexy, but eh *shrugs*). Blackstreet was very 94, so when 96 rolled around Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite was the weapon of choice, the audio virus we would transmit throughout the house and, purely by proximity, get dad hooked onto yet another song. not surprisingly, dad loved the song so much mostly for the random bits that Max would exaggerate the song title and say: “shumthin shumthin” (with the added “h”).
i’m convinced that if dad coulda chosen to be ANYone else in the world, he woulda been Elvis Presley. the songs he recorded on tape off the radio, the tv specials on vhs, the touristy-lookin black & white postcards that he convinced me as a child were actual pics he took of Elvis (and i believed him and went around school tellin people this cos i was super fucking impressed), all tell me he loved the guy’s music. fuck, he’s got the same build and probly had as much swag as the man himself back in the day.
no real explanation necessary for why anyone would like this. alls i will say is the moment i found out dad worshiped at the altar of Hendrix and anyone else with guitar hero skills, he became infinitely cooler. we both seem to have an inner wild side that we can’t express through better means other than music such as this.
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V.
a multi-faceted multimedia cornucopia of info, good taste & entertainment
THERE MIGHT STILL BE 
