Tag Archives: r. kelly

Brian McKnight actually writes a memorable song & the Internet loses its GATDAMN mind

i’m sure by now it’s already old news, and i’ve already had my say on the matter on one of the many vids of it on YouTube (my comment’s currently been upped to the top becos of its succinct breakdown of why ppl suck), but come.the fuck.on already. have we collectively decided to shove our sense of humour up our asses? is this backlash(ish) reaction from some of these seemingly die-hard BM fans just a TAD over-the-top? & are the majority of mainstream r&b listeners humourless and fickle?! the fuck is goin on witchyoos? YOU’RE MEANT TO LAUGH. Brian has essentially hit upon a style of online r&b performance art that has been so lovingly perfected by the Turquoise Jeep troupe over the years (which i have covered extensively throughout the life of this blog), but is most-associated with the ever-evolving R. Kelly (piss-free since…whenever the fuck that entire thing was, i forget).

i sorta understand the general reaction (more of a ‘balk’, really) against this type of ‘music’, however, stop being a fucking nerd for one second and enjoy a well-written, expertly-sung, vintage-Stevie-chord-havin sexy yet dirty yet hilarious ode to one of the few things that actually MATTERS in this world: THE PUSSY.

apparently shit got so out of hand B deleted the original video from his YouTube account amidst accusations ranging from him selling out n losing his edge, to more convoluted theories that he had tested the waters at SERIOUSLY trying to exclusively be that kind of artist (aka going “Full Kells”), deciding along the way (after gauging our reaction) if he originally meant it as a joke or if it was a serious tune. but i like to keep it a bit more simple: the song is a CHEEKY BANGER. someone trademark that phrase cos it’s the best description i can think of for it, a term that sums up The Jeep, The Arruh & now…B McKNeezy (y’all can think up sumthn better). “If You’re Ready To Learn” is an A grade entry into the pantheon of CHEEKY BANGERS. and halefuckinglujah, Brian McKnight thinks the same thing as he intends to finish and release the song VERY SOON.

(i know it’s cooler calling the song “Let Me Show You How Your Pussy Works”, but B does state clearly the name of the song is “If You’re Ready To Learn” so i’ma just stick to that). feel free to download the mp3 of this now-viral video (just the song bits) courtesy of urs truly (honestly i couldn’t stop listening to it so i had to mp3 that shit).


UPDATE: blog poast now comes with Brian McKnight co-sign via twitter. now go squirt THAT out your vaginas.


Mista Vee presents…The Top 5 Tracks From My YouTube Stash #002

i know what you’re thinking: it’s annoying as fuck when you Google some music hoping for an mp3 link but instead you find YouTube vids, or even worse: a text-only list of albums the blogger owns (ugh). so i feel your pain. however, the word YouTube is in the title, so quit bitching. the media content itself isn’t in mp3 form, but i do provide thorough commentary for each track, & the selections are from my personal collection so you know it’s gonna be dope shit either way (well i know this anywhos).

Soulstice – Lovely (Gabriel René Mix)

the masterful Gabriel René, a man who has gone down as legendary for those who know even a skoche of his impressive catalog, completely sexes up this Soulstice classic. if his music has still somehow passed you by, me & a hoard of others emphatically recommend you track down his lone solo album (as Aquanote), called The Pearl. what you hear in this remix are the foundations for the Aquanote sound, so if u dig this, u will most definitely dig the rest.

Kennedy – Belize

for years this ethereal cosmic drum n’ bass gem languished on my PC in the form of a crappily-encoded mp3, but even despite the low quality of the recording it was clear this track KICKED.ASS. so recently i tracked down the album it was first released on and upped it in superior CD quality. haven’t heard much quite like it since. it’s very…evocative. in an ‘if emotions could be transmitted as sound waves’ sorta way.

D’Angelo – Spanish Joint (95 North Mix)

a bootleg remix by 95 North, there’s not a huge amount of differences cept it’s slightly sped up with some extra drums and there’s a few wicked pan flute solos here n there. not the greatest mix, sound-quality wise, but still highly enjoyable n worth gettin geeked over if ur a D fan/completest.

R. Kelly – The Big C, Such A Man Is He & Fight Scene

back in 1995/96, R. Kelly continued ruling supreme as a giant in mainstream music whilst still remaining cool. well here’s a little gem i’m not sure a lot of Kells fans even know exist. the only reason i know about it is cos my brother was such a big fan, he specially ordered the Down Low Movie vinyl & VHS tape from the States. the project itself was an expansion of the original Down Low (Nobody Has To Know) song (featuring Ron Isley as Mr. Biggs) from my personal favourite Kells album, his 3rd self-titled joint from ’95. in Down Low – The Movie, the full story is told in long-form music video/short film format, with Ron Isley as Mr. Biggs and Kells as his no. 2. of course, as per the storyline of the song, Kells & Biggs’ lady mess around and then get fucked up as a result (“don’t…FUCK with me”, is something he warns Kells’ character). along with the film, the story is also told in an audio-only format on the vinyl, a track that goes for around 20mins and is narrated by Kells. also included on the vinyl was the track i have posted before you right now, a trio of storytelling points punctuated by music. however, the highlight for me is (and always has been) R. Kelly getting his Camille on with Such A Man Is He. it’s awesome yet sad at the same time, cos we rarely see Kells so comfy to switch genders in song (and in terms of creative left-fieldness, the Trapped In The Closet saga is as close as he’s gotten, but that was mostly laughable than a genuine triumph). add to that The Big C., which depicts Kells as a crime lord in Chicago singing about “how to get the coppas off our backs” lol, and you got a pretty diverse yet entertaining Kells audio soup.

Kutiman – Bango Fields

them funky Israelis are at it again. y’all need to get up on Ophir Kutiman Kutiel, like, yesterday.


The Maxwell Files – …Til The Cops Come Knockin’ (The Opus) (1996)

in the interest of broadcasting nothing but quality audio gems, i present to you the sexiest incarnation of Maxwell‘s debut single as an artist back in 1996: …Til The Cops Come Knockin’. as was the case with all of Maxwell’s singles from Urban Hang Suite & Embrya, this CD single features an extended cut of the song (in 3 parts) and a companion b-side (i say “companion” cos the sound and subject matter of Lock U Up N’ Luv Fa Days stays close to the narrative of TTCCK). over the coming weeks i will be sporadically chucking up most of Max’s singles under the title The Maxwell Files, simply because the time and dedication he had to craft his singles as ‘expansion packs’, almost always containing one or two remixed versions of the song (and a sweet b-side), should be revered and remembered. the thought that went into them really shows Max’s dedication to maintaining the overall story that’s being told (over the course of his first two studio albums) and a dedication to further mythologising his artistic persona.

that and tracks 02-04 is some of the sexiest music u will ever hear in ur lifetimes (track 01 is merely the radio edit of the original album version and can be skipped, the real fun starts at track 02).


01. cut (4:13)
02. pt. 01 (6:53)
03. pt. 02 (5:42)
04. pt. 3 (uncut) (6:02)
05. lock u up n’ love fa days (p+4) (5:25)

zip | rar

(links updated as of 28/06/2015)

a pair of women’s shoes + table n wall patterns that transport u to some kinda sensual bohemian wonderland, the front cover to Max’s debut album is but one part of a whole story

i have always loved Maxwell‘s aesthetic from the get-go, cos in an era when everything was incorporating more and more hip hop, Max reached further back to reignite & present anew the sound of 80s soul, r&b and funk. he seemingly debuted as a complete ‘artiste’, carving his own lane in the supposed musical resurgence known as “neo-soul” (a simple but effective title, & one i never saw as a point of derision). but he always stood out, he had a little extra x factor that couldn’t be easily duplicated. it ranges from his appearance to the badass musicians he’s surrounded himself with over the years, all the way to picking his debut single from his debut album (which, at his behest, features his face on the back cover instead of the front: Max’s way of putting the focus on the music & the narrative). …Til The Cops, as the story goes, was his personal choice for 1st single, whereas the label were more comfortable with sure bets like Ascension (Don’t Ever Wonder) & Sumthin’ Sumthin’ (hits-in-the-making). the video, which is at times derided by fans for being too simplistic, is among my favourite Maxwell music videos. the concept? Max takes a young lady into a hotel/motel (room 508 to be exact) and proceeds to seduce her by crawling and slithering all over the place. oh and hey, that’s some nice frign wallpaper!

the song itself (after a bit of reflection), funnily enough, is not Maxwell‘s signature sound, which makes it yet another intriguing choice for 1st single. the music is (if anything) a heavy nod to R. Kelly’s 12 Play era of sexy slow-jams, cept jazzed up to the hilt. M’s true sound lay in clean crisp drums, live slapped basslines & keyboard melodies n riffs that are nothing short of instant vintage, not to mention timeless. again, this single is an interesting choice to lead off with cos we’re thrown right into the middle of the story, narrative-wise. but dammit, it WORKS. …Til The Cops may not have been the song that sent Maxwell rocketing to stardom, it IS however one of the coolest n sexiest (and ballsiest, to some extent) debuts for an artist i’ve ever heard.

& finally here’s a preview of the extended cut via YouTube, where some kind soul has mixed in tracks 02 & 03 (pt. 01 + 02) to form one luscious piece of ‘jazzsexy’ (c).