Category Archives: moofies

moofies, teewee, youtubery

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER! // 10 Coolest Things On YouTube (as of 19/01/2013)

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SURPRISEMOTHERFUCKER

well well WELL. apparently it’s now 2013. but try convincing my brain that. or that i’m fast approaching 29yrs of age. or that life is a motherfucking BATTLEFIELD (actually im pretty convinced of the latter *shakes fist* fucking LIFE). right. so in anticipation of some major awesome blogging that is right around the bend, i wanted to kick off with a concept post i did when i first began this BLAUG in November of 2010: a top 10 of my fav YouTube vids in that current moment in time. since so much time has lapsed b/w the last one of these and NOW, i’m including the “as of” date, just to give an idea of the timeframe in which i discovered these vids, and also cos im a lazy fuck and im getting old and i only wanna remember the most recent date. yep. OKAY, on to the entertainment!

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BANE OUTTAKES

a masterful display of immitation and mockery, completely dominated by the now infamous Bane Freestyle Rap segment, but has so many other memorable lil touches that the whole thing is just a big fat fucking win. also leaves me with the craving for cream cheese and frowny biscuits.

DAY JOB ORCHESTRA: STUFF WE FOUND IN THE BUSHES

DJO, still going strong. thank you latenite stoned random discoveries! also get a peek at the Roger Rap, which was separated as its own vid by popular demand.

OMAR…GUY’S LARGE INTERNATIONALLY

in a serendipitous display of pop culture awkwardly mashing with the underground, witness as “Saturday” by OMAR is played by ‘David’ in a season 5 ep of Beverly Hills 90210, whilst ‘Donna’ and that other skank look on disapprovingly.

LIKE A FUCKIN LIZARD ON ICE

Dexter recently concluded its 7th season with the long overdue appearance of Sgt. James Doakes (via flashbacks, but really ANY way of working him back into the story is welcome). Erik King delivers what is probably the line of the season, and a rather obvious but never-mentioned insight into the fact that, yes, Dex DOES have a weird glidey lizardy walk.

DMX – RUDOLPH THE REDNOSE REINDEER

FLESH OF MY FLESH! NOSE OF MYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE.

DIE ANTWOORD – DJ HI-TEK RULEZ

……i have no witty caption for this…song. lol. other than its hilarious for its misleading title, and just the general ‘wtf’ factor.

R.A.E.D – ABOUT TIME

finally. the vid that proves, once and for all, that there IS a church in the wild, motherfuckers. stop hatin.

KOOT BIE – I WANNA FUCK YOU

i am told this is part of a clever German sketch show. damn thing is done so convincingly if it werent for the oversized ears, i woulda thought it was real.

BACKSTREET BOYS – QUIT PLAYIN GAMES WITH MY HEART (ACOUSTIC)

yet another example of my so-far never wrong maxim that “acoustic makes everything better”. you can take the most REVILED song in existence and transform it into an emotionally honest barebones acoustic rendition. not that i consider this song to be horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but acousticising it certainly does add some lovely 90s acoustic poprock charm to it that wasnt there before.

FUCK YOU!

as if we needed ANOTHER reason to worship at the altar of Teh Whedon, he was not only recently involved in writing and directing the 2nd highest grossing film of all time, he also helped bring into fruition what has fast become an underground cult CLASSIC, and one that is only LATELY getting its public due. almost everyone ive shown this film to has LOVED it. you know why? cos they’re fucking awesome.

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V.

moofies, mpfree lanks, muzak

TOP SECRET!: Original Soundtrack (1984)

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brilliant film & awesome soundtrack. i won’t try to pretend to take credit for providing this gem (it was easy enough to find via the same ol blogsearch routines). i do, however, have a penchant for trying to provide somethin that’s either unavailable elsewhere or is in need of sharing to a wider audience. and that’s where this falls. plus after posting “Spend This Night With Me” on YouTube and getting such a positive responds, i feel they should probably have a spot to download the s/track for themselves. and yes Val Kilmer did all his own singing stunts.

01. skeet surfing (2:59)
02. are you lonesome tonight? (1:37)
03. how silly can you get (2:50)
04. straighten out the rug (2:01)
05. tutti frutti (1:42)
06. spend this night with me (3:31)

:::DOWNLOAD:::
zip | rar

V.

moofies, teewee, writings, youtubery

JOSS WHEDON thanks fans, considers Jai Alai “Air Bud” reboot & teaches you the correct way to poo

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grr, argh.

if ur a Whedon fan, u should know what those two words represent and where u first heard the words uttered while a paper cut-out demon hopped across your screen. it should be etched into your memory as the moment Joss Whedon entered your pop cultural universe, planted his lawnchair and proceeded to build the nerd babylon we refer to as “The WHEDONverse”. you know you’ve made an impact when your name is associated with an entire UNIVERSE, even moreso when they start teaching courses at Universities on TV shows you’ve created. there have been many achievements to already elevate Joss into “god” status when it came to quality TV, film, comics, writing, directing, characterisation, tones of storytelling that frequently oscillate from every human emotion possible and countless mental/emotional/spiritual (one could argue)/COMEDIC punches to the fucking GUTS. but none of it ever seemed ENOUGH, nahmean?

i’m sure every Whedonite has gone through that almost alienated feeling when you’re completely head-over-heels for something he created, but somehow can never properly channel that love into coherent words when time came to attempt to explain it to someone you knew. but at the same time it’s a very KNOWING alienation, that even though your friends choose not to care, there IS a huge fanbase out there and they’re just as apeshit about the man’s work as you are. it’s that resolve (and the unending stream of classic material from Joss and his many minions) that’s solidified and exponentially grown his fanbase into what i will call “The Powderkeg Event” that is THE AVENGERS film, more specifically how awesomely awesome the fucking awesome thing is, and how awesomely it is DOMINATING in almost every corner of the globe right now. not to mention the crazy-ass box office returns (i think it’s already at 1.6 BILLION and counting?). at this point i have to check n make sure we ain’t in the bizarro version of life where talented individuals get rewarded in the end, VINDICATED even. but we kinda are. the epic legacy of Joss “Dance Of Joy” Whedon is, over the coming months and years, gonna be on full display for nerds like us to cheer on with immense glee, or for relative newbies to catch up on.

as a sign of that slowly but surely changing tide, the man himself wrote a congratulatory note to his fanboys and fangirls directly on his longtime fansite Whedonesque, touching on various issues in true Whedon fashion. there’s also a link to him teaching a guy how to poo at the very start of the article, make sure u catch that part lol.

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from Whedonesque:

The Purple. IN WHICH the guy who comes before “Esque” shares his deep depth, and then links you to a vid of him as a poop coach.

“YeahbuhWHUH?”

–Kitty Pryde

Dear Friends,

Well, it’s been quite a weekend. Someday, long from now, I will even have an emotional reaction to it, like a person would. I can’t wait! But before I become blinded by this “emotion” experience, there’s a few things I’d like to say. Well, type.

People have told me that this matters, that my life is about to change. I am sure that is true. And change is good — change is exciting. I think — not to jinx it — that I may finally be recognized at Comiccon. Imagine! Also, with my percentage of “the Avengers” gross, I can afford to buy… [gets call from agent. Weeps manfully. Resumes typing.] …a fine meal. But REALLY fine, with truffles and s#!+. And I can get a studio to finance my dream project, the reboot of “Air Bud” that we all feel is so long overdue. (He could play Jai Alai! Think of the emotional ramifications of JAI ALAI!!!!)

What doesn’t change is anything that matters. What doesn’t change is that I’ve had the smartest, most loyal, most passionate, most articulate group of — I’m not even gonna say fans. I’m going with “peeps” — that any cult oddity such as my bad self could have dreamt of. When almost no one was watching, when people probably should have STOPPED watching, I’ve had three constants: my family and friends, my collaborators (often the same), and y’all. A lot of stories have come out about my “dark years”, and how I’m “unrecognized”… I love these stories, because they make me seem super-important, but I have never felt the darkness (and I’m ALL about my darkness) that they described. Because I have so much. I have people, in my life, on this site, in places I’ve yet to discover, that always made me feel the truth of success: an artist and an audience communicating. Communicating to the point of collaborating. I’ve thought, “maybe I’m over; maybe I’ve said my piece”. But never with fear. Never with rancor. Because of y’all. Because you knew me when. If you think topping a box office record compares with someone telling you your work helped them through a rough time, you’re probably new here. (For the record, and despite my inhuman distance from the joy-joy of it: topping a box office record is super-dope. I’m an alien, not a robot.) So this is me, saying thank you. All of you. You’ve taken as much guff for loving my work as I have for over-writing it, and you deserve, in this our time of streaming into the main, to crow. To glow. To crow and go “I told you so”, to those Joe Blows not in the know. (LAST time I hire Dr. Seuss to punch my posts up. Yeesh!) Point being, you deserve some honor, AND you deserves some FAQs answered. So please welcome my old friend and certainly not-on-my-payroll reporter/flunky, Rutherford D. Actualperson!

RDA: So good to see you, young Joss! is it possible you’ve gotten more attractive since we last spoke, and less fungal in odor?

JW: Thanks for noticing. Let’s talk.

RDA: “the Scavengers” is a huge success! Does this mean you have changed the very fabric of existence?

JW: Dude, it’s just a movie. Also, yes.

RDA: I’ve seen a lot of a talk about “the Availers” vs “the Dark Knight Rises”. How will you feel if you’re eclipsed by Nolan?

JW: I’m glad I made you ask that. I will feel sad. But let’s look at the bigger picture, and I can’t say this enough: THIS IS NOT A ZERO SUM GAME. Our successes, whoever has the mostest, are a boon to each other. We’re in the business of proving that superhero movies aren’t just eye-candy (they’re eye-TRUFFLES!). People seem intent on setting us against each other, and though I’m proud to be Woody Strode to Nolan’s Kirk Douglas, I think they’re missing the point. Whatever TDKR does on its first weekend, the only stat that matters to me is the ticket I’M definitely buying. Nolan and Raimi INVENTED the true superhero flick, yo. (Special mention to Jon Favreau and James Gunn.) Happy to be in the mix.

RDA: What does this mean for your upcoming slate of tiny independent films/Internet shenanigans? Will they fall by the wayside?

JW: There may be new ideas realized — I always leave myself open to that — but my commitment to Wastelanders and Dr H.2 does not waver. Those stories bubble on my stove.

RDA: And TV?

JW: TV is my great love. To tell stories with that alacrity, intensity, and immediacy… Nothing quite like it. I imagine it’s not dissimilar to the feeling great poker players have: “Here’s what I got, here’s where I’m going… How to trick everybody into thinking I know what I’m doing?” [Full disclosure : Joss hates poker. He is probably talking about bridge. But it should apply nonetheless.].

RDA: What message would you give fans of “the Lavenders” who are not so familiar with your previous work?

JW: “Cabin In the Woods”: still in (some) theaters!

RDA: Is ‘the Ravengers” a perfect movie? It did get an A+ cinemascore…

JW: There are very few perfect movies. “The Court Jester”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Godfather” I & II… The list does not go on and on. “The Avengers” is notably IMperfect, which makes its success mean so much more to me — because it’s striking a chord that matters MORE than its obvious flaws. Like the team, it appears to be more than the sun of its parts. Boo-yah!

RDA: What do you feel is the greatest achievement of “the Avoiders”?

JW: Getting “mewling quim” out there to the masses. Also, Hulk.

RDA: Anyone in particular you’d like to thank?

JW: [Reads from notecard]. I couldn’t have done this myself. Part of this Saturn Award belongs to Jeremy Latcham, Kevin Feige, and the fine Marvel folk… But the secret ingredient is my closest peeps: J-Mo, who did uncredited punch-up work (carrier battle, yo!), Z-bro, Drew “I am Loki only taller and foppier” Goddard, and Kai, all of whom worked the story with me. Without them (and Jeremy), I’d still be figuring out how the Wasp fits in to this, and where to put Red Hulk.

RDA: What’s next for Joss “finally got it right for a change” Whedon?

JW: Can we not call me that?

RDA: Just deal. Whut up?

JW: I really think we should discuss that nickname, but I’m finishing “Much Ado About Nothing” this month. If you liked “the Avengers”, you’ll love… I can’t. It’s Shakespeare. And not in the park. I hope it gets watched.

RDA: Any message to your precious “Whedonesk?”

JW: Whedonettes?

RDA: Weeble-eque?

JW: I’m not aware of that group.

RDA: Didn’t they know you when?

JW: I’m not sure who you mean. I’m discarding my old fans so I can concentrate on fame, Euro-trash guy-jewelry and my precious “Air Bud” reboot. But, dude, don’t print that!

RDA: You have my word.

So, that’s our post! Hope you enjoyed it. Hope you’ll continue to carry the banner even though other people may have joined the parade. (Kind of a gay pride/Newsies vibe: sentence accomplished!) Hope you understand how I feel. Cliff notes: grateful.

“Here’s to us. Who’s like us? Damn few”
— Stephen Sondheim, “Merrily We Roll Along”.

“It took a dog playing Jai Alai to teach us humanity!”
–Me, in that awesome film I’m gonna make.

-j., 5/9/12

[ edited by joss on 2012-05-09 15:26 ]

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V.

moofies, youtubery

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (the latest kick-ass trailer)

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i still can’t believe how quickly this event has crept up on us…AGAIN. seems like Nolan’s been getting us fanboys in a frenzy like clockwork since Batman Begins. 2012 will be no different. i am only seeing this in IMAX, btw. i highly recommend y’all do the same. but for now, the newest trailer (and probly the best outta the bunch, even without a collapsing football field).

V.

miskellanious, moofies, muzak, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 29/09/2011 – 13/12/2011

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what looks like a Japanese acid-induced maze of torture is actually the most true-to-life game ever invented, teaching you that at any moment and in any place and any time, someone or something WILL fucking kill you

oh Internet, i have once again failed you. in my attempts to carry on with the daily grind of mind-numbing mediocrity, i once again stopped blogging. and you can blame the global take-over by a ruthless, heartless, inhuman corporatocracy for it. the more information i learn about the goings on of our socially-decaying world, the angrier and disillusioned i become with nearly everything. NOT a good way to be, i can assure you lol. to that end, i’m dragging myself back to funnyville by posting some YouTube goodies i’ve accumulated (in-between info dumps of wretched globalist behaviour).

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I’ve Got You Under My Skin

i recently got to sit down and finally watch the 2009 film Gamer, which stars guy-who-kicks-Persians-into-craters, Gerard Butler as the protagonist and Michael C. Hall of Dexter as the shmoove suave villain of the piece. it’s all very Running Manesque (with doses of sci fi dystopia) but manages to entertain and spout a message on its own merits. however the highlight was Hall engaging in this twisted song & dance number, where he puts that awkward body of his to good use. it was a very ‘ateur’ish break in the film which i thought was pretty cool.

Syobon Action (aka “Cat Mario”)

i still can’t work up the testicular fortitude to take this game on, as i have trouble even clocking regular Mario. this game does, however, deserve to be praised to near mythical proportion like QWOP was/is lol. just ludicrous and hella hilarious when coupled with the commentary, Syobon Action (also being called Cat Mario) is Japanese-made torture where everything is out to kill you and every square inch of gaming screen is a trap.

This One Is For MAANDELLLLAAA!

you know how you get those invisible urges to watch something really specific? well after powering through some classic 80s buddy cop action flicks, somehow Rush Hour was next in the brain queue. and to my wonderful surprise, they hold up REALLY well. and it’s owed completely to Chris Tucker‘s hilarious ass.

Football Friend

among the many films & television shows i’ve been getting acquainted with over the last few months, is this British masterpiece in adolescent humour: The Inbetweeners. i’ve already stormed through the first 2 series’ AND the recent film (all awesome), only have series 3 left. but it’s safe to say Jay gets ALL the great lines. and he’s even funnier when wigging out, thusly.

I Mama Noodles YOUUU DEEPSHIIIIIT!

if you’re EVER looking for a decent unrated unfiltered alternative comedy program, look no further than Funny Or Die. their online shorts are certified hilarity (one of which is featured in this post starring Lenny Kravitz). in my late-night Foxtel perusings, i noticed they were on TV too. all self-made nuggets of comedy presented in a half-hour format. this particular ad featured in a short by Tim & Eric, and is a FUCKING.PISSER.

The Outback Slug

never quite got over the originality and the majesty of The Maxx project by Sam Keith and the dedicated team at the MTV Oddities camp back in the 90s. it not only stands the test of time, but manages to transcend it by being completely timeless. which makes sense for something that surfs in and out of characters deepest darkest parts of their subconscious. amongst all the heavy and heady stuff (that run-over bunny still unsettles me), there was plenty of laconic comedy thanks to Maxx and his deadpan delivery. this scene is part of a longer portion that details some of the many inhabitants of “The Outback”, a warped version of pre-historic Australia that may or may not exist inside his head.

Quiet Bag

for those frequenters of my Facebook page, you will have already heard of the mighty Day Job Orchestra and their now worldwide famous overdubs of any and everything (but mostly Star Trek clips). in-between they have other random bits n pieces worth mentioning, such as this ad for muffling that loud annoying testicle. YOU KNOW THE ONE, FELLAS.

Lenny Kravitz Is Angry

so pointless yet so well-executed (a Funny Or Die production).

Frank Tells A Story

in what has to be the greatest season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, a recent ep had Frank Reynolds (DeVito) commandeer a boat full of Asian tourists in order to get across town to see the new action film, “Thundergun Express”. but Frank being Frank, instead of landmarks and info about the city, he gleefully recounts his many misadventures with Charlie and The Gang over the years.

Havin’ A Roni

i recently watched Vanilla Ice‘s 1991 film “Cool As Ice” TWICE over the weekend lol. and instead of posting a clip from the moofie (of which there are MANY to choose from, shit is entertainment from beginning to end), i thought i’d dig deeper and post up this acapella track from Ice’s debut album. it holds a special place in my and my older brother’s heart, as we spent hours fucking with it and it brought us endless joy. hearing it uninterrupted and non-“screwed” is actually kinda weird, cos i expect specific parts to start automatically SKIPPING and cutting away lol. regardless of alla that, it’s just kinda funny to listen to anyways.

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V.

miskellanious, moofies, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube – ‘Stuff I Made’ Edition: 09/04/2011 – 29/09/2011

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enjoy gettin' ripshit on RUM HAM? why not get ripshit and peruse my videos? why not do BOTH? why ask why? as the world keeps trippin' to the D-O double G, it's a doggy-dogg world.

it’s been quite a substantial gap in-between YouTube posts, and in the intervening months i’ve naturally amassed more than 10 nuggets of YouTube gold. but in keeping in line with the concept of this post, i’ll whittle it down to my fav 10. shit’s hard cos i’ve seen about a thousand million billion clips since then, but neglected to post it up. such is LIFE: when you got multiple focuses, the BLAUG always tends to suffer. especially in the “music journalism” category. which is why i like having YouTube posts to fall back on: it’s easy to crap on about random shyte plus it stimulates my writing mind. oh, a fair few of these are my own edits & uploads. actually…all of em are lol (clearly i’ve had the time). had enough reading yet? IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN…BEGun…begun…un…

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RUM HAM!

i suppose i better start with the most recent thing tickling my fancies, the illustrious indestructible all-encompassing RUM HAM. it recently made a splash (ha) on episode 2 of the new season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. after i watched it, i quickly hit teh ‘Tube to search for clips to poast onto my Facebook (cos it’s something i like to do…alone…on a Saturday night…in between faps). unfortunately the only clip i found was recorded via camera phone (long the bane of YouTube’s existence). not good enough. so i swiftly upped the damn clip MYSELF. it’s now racked up near 7.5k views within a few days, re-posts, blogs & even this video response of some brave souls actually making & tasting their own rum ham. *******SADLY THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN DOWN BY FOX JUST AS I WENT TO POST THIS BLOG :/ THERE MIGHT STILL BE CLIPS OF IT ON TEH ‘TUBE, BUT MINE IS OFFICIALLY GIZZONE. SORRY Y’ALL.

MIND BULLETS

i also recently got hooked on Hung (that sounds…vaguely like i’m hangin off the tip of..nevermind), a show about a male prostitute doing it tough in post-economic-collapse Detroit (stars Thomas Jane as Ray). started on season 2 on the weekend and couldn’t help but cackle at the introduction of Charlie, an experienced and somewhat of a “Yoda pimp” to the main character of Tanya (Ray‘s pimp). here he discusses a pimps methods, mainly the use of mental darts (or bullets, or i guess any other projectiles).

DIDN’T You!??!!!

during what i will call “Teh Silent Interims From BLAUGations”, i managed to re-watch the ENTIRETY of The Pretender. that’s 4 seasons and two TV movies. i’ve long held an admiration for the show, and moreso the classic characters within it. back in the 90s during its run, i was pretty much obsessed with it from week-to-week. Sydney‘s vocal tone (that of Patrick Bauchau) was also a constant point of imitation via myself, my older brother and my best mate since i was in kindergarten lol. that is to say, the show was a big part of my life for a minute. and it was refreshing to revisit the series and see it through more adult contemporary eyes, allowing me to come to a fuller appreciation of the complex tapestry that is The Pretender. ANYways, another go-to line i’d love reiterating IRL was Jarod’s (the inimitable Michael T. Weiss) sometimes-use of “DIDN’T YOU!?!?!?!” when serving up a wrong-doer. admittedly this didn’t occur as often as i thought it did, but often enough that it left a mark.

SHOOT, You CLOWN!

Bud Spencer and Terence Hill have appeared in this list before. and if i let myself, they would DOMINATE every single YouTube-centric poast. however, i’ll restrain myself to just this golden clip from their CUHLASSIC 1984 flick Double Trouble where Terence goads a mercenary.

Chicken-Man! You Got It

the original 1994 Stargate film (on which the long-running TV shows are based) has plenty of meme-worthy moments. one such occasion involves Kurt Russell (the original Jack O’Neill) asking the locals of Abydos where “the chicken-man” went (i think in reference to Daniel Jackson). the clip takes it all out of context, of course, and just looks like random chicken-related craziness.

AUUWOHHOOOOH

re-watched The Matrix trilogy back-to-back-to-back recently for the first time in years, and glad to say they’ve improved over time (although Revolutions still remains the weakest installment). however, watching things now is vastly different to how i viewed things years ago. i see MORE. i get engaged by the smaller things. in this case, it’s The Oracle‘s smoker-heavy voice making one strange-ass noise in-between sentences that REALLY captured my attention lol.

THERE You Are!

sayin it now so it’s official: Vampire’s Kiss is my favourite Nic Cage film of all-time. no doubt.

Goodbye, Mr. Spatula!

i’m still in the process of upping more funny-ass clips from Ed, this one features local magician Stuckeyville Stan making Ed’s spatula disappear in an overly cheesy manner (cheesy with a wink, tho).

Denzel Thinks You’re Kinda Funny

finally got around to watching Deja Vu, and unexpectedly enjoyed it more than i thought i would. you had a pretty cool sci fi story goin, and a good ratio of “Denzelisms”. i present to you, exhibit A.

EEUHWAH!

the very first meme-ish clip i ever uploaded, was like a fucking thunderbolt from the sky. i was compelled to put it out there. it’s only a few measly seconds, but it’s got amazing replay power. the clip in question is of Arnie on the run, early on in Total Recall. and as he’s fleeing, he bumps a random cunt out of the way, and that random cunt (whomever he may be, Buddha bless him) emits a very RANDOM reactionary noise. one you wouldn’t expect to hear when one is being bumped.

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and with that, hopefully this BLAUG will see more regular care. i’d also like to switch over to my own permanent URL too at some stage before the year is through, or perhaps as a New Year’s resolution. BIGGER N BETTER, BABY. cheers.

V.

miskellanious, moofies, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 15/02/2011 – 09/04/2011

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"HHEEELLOOOO! it'ssss MOIIIEE! Mulligrubs!!! theeesse days i work as a...*giggles* CAAAARTOOON PROSSSTITUTE!"

hwwwell well WELL. it feels like it’s been forever since i BLAUGED on the BLAUG (i will never get tired of this made-up alternate word for “blog” that i..made up), and so i thought to curb all the music-centric posts (let’s face it, that’s probably my LEADING addiction, however this BLAUG is meant to cover all areas of media and the arts) here is yet another edition of the 10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube (can be shortened to “10 Coolest Things…” yknow like they did with “8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter”?).

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Harout Pamboukjian – Spaghetti & Meatballs (On Adult Swim)

warning: Armenians, your heads may explode from the sheer randomosity of this clip. my childhood favourite Armo singer and local L.A. celeb Harout “The Beard” Pamboukjian taps into what seems to be one kooky sense of humour, as he serenades us with a beautimus ode to spaghetti & meatballs. i showed it to my folks, also big fans, and it just bewildered them at the most. i, however, replayed it no less than 10 times to achieve nirvana (also: it really made me wanna eat spaghetti & meatballs).

Mulligrubs

OOKKAAAYY. how to describe this wonderful nugget of Aussie kid’s programming known simply as Mulligrubs. what we have here is a show that works on the basis of random structure. as you can see in the clip, we get a mixture of the so-nice-they-could-be-unhinged presenters singing songs about anything they could think of (once they came down from the acid trip, of course). the lady sings a song about going for walkies in the bush and seeing animals, at which point the image turns into an almost voyeuristic scene of young Aussie kids interacting with the local animalia (emus, a pretty common sight in the early 90s, my parents used to take us to parks to feed kangaroos n shit as kids, but nowadays it’s a safety hazard cos, i assume, no one wants to get sued). we also get a bearded man interpreting the sounds of nature on his…”auto-harp”? …what the fuck is an auto-harp? and to round things up, how can one get past that iconic multi-coloured stoned-off-her-tits FACE that will haunt u well into ur teens & 20s.

Cosbymon

witness the delicious marriage of fake Cosby from The Simpsons and the original Pokemon game music.

Michael Ian Black: Taco Party

coming off his recent bid to be Taco Bell‘s official spokesman, i delved into YouTube to find some more MiB & taco love connections and i was able to procure this, a reading from Mike’s book My Custom Van. the portion he reads here is called…Taco Party.

Archer: Terms Of En-Rampage-Ment

while the rest of the world slowly catches up, me & a cadre of others have been enjoying probably the smartest, funniest, edgiest scripted program currently on TV (forget that it’s animated, it still shits all over most live-action productions at the moment). currently in the tail-end of its second season, Archer has only improved with time, moreso by delving into the lives of all the supporting characters. but in a recent episode the title character Sterling Archer, after having been diagnosed with breast cancer, realises he’s been taking placebo medicine & goes on, what he calls, a rampage. he calls it many different things before settling on Terms Of Enrampagement. this is the penultimate scene in the episode where he confronts the man behind all the fake cancer drugs. if this ending looked AT ALL familiar to you…it’s because it was ripped straight from an episode of Magnum, P.I. in a glorious semi-obscure homage. i’ve saved y’all the trouble and linked the scene in question below.

Magnum P.I.: Did You See The Sunrise This Morning?

best believes, a LOT of ppl were driven to this clip cos of Archer. ain’t nothin but a WIN/WIN.

Got Cankles? – The Circulation Booster Ad

my faith in late night Aussie infomercials has been restored! i’ve always felt that opting to be openly lame without acknowledging the lameness is a bad way to go for an infomercial. instead it’s best to accept and own WHAT you are (a soulless image covering the intent to fleece the public of dollars), and go ahead and accentuate the lameness. make it fun to watch, shit, it might even be the CAUSE of ppl buying the product. case in point: The Circulation Booster. a handy dandy device intended to boost the circulation in whatever appendages you think need boosting (penis booster still not available as of this post). there have been a few different variations of the ad floating around, the most well known one involving a woman talking about her “dear old mother“, but i find myself enjoying the cankles-related ones a LOT more lol.

Black Hammer & White Lightning

i very recently plowed through a buncha late 80s/early 90s classics, including Major League 1 & 2. after winning at the end of the first film Cinderella-style, we get presented with a thoroughly corrupted team of players who start concentrating more on their careers instead of playing baseball in ML2. this manifests in many ways, one of em being the film Omar Epps (as Willie Mays Hays, replacing Wesley Snipes) does with Jesse Ventura (in an awesome cameo performance) called Black Hammer & White Lightning (one would assume, lampooning the cross-over ambitions of non-actors transitioning into action movie roles).

*yawn*

if only the volume on this clip was cranked the fuck up, but no big deal, just twiddle the volume knob to a high level and enjoy 3 seconds of pure Walken awesomesauce (Walken, as Max Shreck, delivers this line to Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne from the dark & hella-entertaining Batman Returns).

DEUUEAUGH

another day, another meme. this time someone’s used a small clip of a screaming fish from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. click here to see all the variations.

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V.

moofies, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 27/01/2011 – 15/02/2011

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NO ONE ON DA CORNER IS SHIFTY LIKE US. SHIFTY LIKE US. SHIF-SHIFTY LIKE US

hellooooo BLAUG-O-SPHERE (aka The Sphere of BLAUGATION). even on a crappy-ass 128kpbs Internets connection, i managed to compile an entertaining collection of YouTube beedios for the purpose of laughter and “holy shit!”ing urself out of boredom. emjoy (gently).

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Shifty-Eyed Dog

the very end of Season 11 ep 1’s Beyond Blunderdome, which features Mel Gibson as himself. Homer presents the shifty-eyed dog idea to Mel as a possible addition to his new film, noting that the easiest way to make someone or something look shifty is to have a close-up of their darting eyes with ominous music lol. the ep is also notable for Mel accurately predicting his shortcomings (drinking, speeding).

*I’ll* Have A Twist Of Lemon

i often associate my love for Punch-Drunk Love (2002) with L.A. Story (1991), a Steve Martin written and directed ode to love (Steve also stars as the protagonist). the quirky approach to love seems to be the main thread that holds them inside the cockles of my heart, somewhere deep in the inner-cockular region.

Intestiana Jones

Machete (2010) was just one big fat giant WIN. would love to see the sequels that are jokingly referred to at the end of the film.

Harley Quinn – Say That We’re Sweethearts Again

after months of watching the complete Batman Animated toon series in order from beginning to end (i only have a handful of eps left til i get back to Batman Beyond again), i realised that this is THE greatest incarnation of the Batverse ever created. it has a pretty violent and adult tone, and stays very true to its own continuity. among all of that, there are genuinely classic smile-inducing moments, most of em involving Harley Quinn (voiced by the inimitable Arleen Sorkin). in the episode Harlequinade, she performs a light-hearted but dark number titled Say That We’re Sweethearts Again, originally performed by Virginia O’Brien from the 1944 film Meet The People.

Stu Unleashes Hell at Approximately 4:02 A.M

another (sofar) underground YouTube video meme/fad, which features the mangling of a scene involving Stu Pickles from Rugrats waking up at 4am to make Angelica some chocolate pudding.

WINNERSH GO HOME & FFFUCK THE PROHMM QUEEN!

i finally cleared a Saturday night a couple weeks back specifically to watch the epic beast of an action film known as The Rock (1996) (Cage, Connery). IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT (and with that cast? how could it).

Sometimes The Bar…He Eats YOU

i could watch an entire film consisting of nothing but The Stranger & The Dude sitting at a bar talking shit. one of many classic moments from The Big Lebowski (1998). what’s interesting to note in this clip, is that The Stranger (played by Sam Elliot) is mangling this oft-used line: he’s either adding a gender to the bar, or mispronouncing the word “bear” lol. either way it’s fucking gold.

Powdered Toast Man Saves The President

“i, Powdered Toast Man, do solemnly swear to RELIEVE the American citizens…of their basic human rights”. there isn’t much that can match the manic genius of Ren & Stimpy and their side-characters.

Bicycles: Not Just For Riding Anymore

Diana Amft as “Inke” accidentally having an orgasm while riding her bike lol. cute. from the film Mädchen, Mädchen (2001).

Oswald Bates – Keep Your Butt In School

“allow me to expose my colon, once again”.

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V.

miskellanious, moofies, muzak, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 11/01/2011 – 27/01/2011

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read this blog or i'll get my buddy Dinky Dawson over there to come take a shit in YOUR aquarium. and if u don't HAVE an aquarium, one will be provided so Dawson can still take a shit in it

mo’ YouTube, mo BLAUGIN’. go forth and be entertained, y’all.

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You Just Pulled Landscaping Duty

Ben Stiller‘s finest roles (imo) have always involved him rockin the handlebar ‘stache. this would be his finest in that mode.

NOW WE’RE FCKED

so not too long ago, a YouTube user with the name HighVoltageChrist came up with a video meme/fad vid that is quirky than the usual shit (think how viral the Antoine Dodson shit became, but on a smaller scale). anyways the basic premise is: use footage from the old Mario & Luigi cartoon show to shimmy the convo in a way that ends with one of the characters uttering an expletive. except the editing has to be precision in a way that makes someone SOUND like they’re saying “FUCK”, but in actuality is some jumbled up version that ranges from “FGLUP!” to “FWUACK!”. immediately after this comes a cut up clip of Luigi jauntily strolling singing the word “KOOP/COO” over and over to the melody of some random song (at the behest of the individual editor, there are many others). this one apparently is the original one that started this (sofar) underground YouTube fad/trend.

Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit

Nic Cage, i feel, is a somewhat misunderstood and slightly underrated actor, but definitely one of the best of our generation. and i think that’s the case cos it’s only when he chooses to play tweaked characters (some that are outright psychotic and possibly insane) when we see the depth of his talent. here, lovingly cut together, is a collection of just some of those special moments.

Dawson Leery – Asshole For Hire

i was a BIG Dawson’s Creek fan back when the show first started, and remained a loyal soldier throughout its entire 6-season run. yes everyone knows half the show’s appeal is the very epitome of cheese. however, the hook that differed this show from any kind of teen soap comparison were the characters themselves and how they communicated. long story short: they all talked like smartass psychology professors (and heavy on the sarcastic self-fladulation when it came to Pacey). i never, not once, while watching the show facepalmed or groaned at its lameness, cos it never really was. it was enjoyable, and should now be regarded as vintage television for ppl who grew up watching it. it’s got this nostalgic glow to it, is what i mean. but what happens when its star and namesake can’t shake being labeled as The Dawson? he goes on the offensive. this clip is but one of many that resulted when James Van Der Beek took over funnyordie.com for a week recently. another golden outcome from this takeover was: JamesVanDerMemes.com (if u love Der Beek you’d be a fool not to click).

SAD FORRR YOOOUUUUUU

i remember clicking onto random eps of Dragonball Z as a kid and witnessing those long extended-ass fights between Vegeta and Frieza, but it was all a bit too schizo for me to get into. i do, however, remember Vegeta‘s hectic-ass yelling and screaming of everything that comes out of his mouth.

Flynt Flossy & Whatchyamacallit – Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor (feat. Pretty Raheem)

as i had suspected, in a recent interview with Turquoise Jeep Records founder and artist Flynt Flossy (aka F Dot Floss), it was revealed that the earlier Jeep tracks were produced by fellow artist Whatchyamacallit. i call this the pre-Tummiscratch era. i only held that suspicion cos there was a notcieable increase in the recording quality of the vocals, the flow of the emcees and the overall production of the music. clearly Tummiscratch is the man with the magic touch, producing smangers like Slick Mahony‘s “Sex Syrup” & “Go Grab My Belt“, Flynt‘s “Cavities” (feat. Pretty Raheem & Watchyamacallit), Yung Humma‘s “Lemme Smang It” and a few other album-only cuts that aren’t on YouTube. but even Tummiscratchless, the Jeep does impress. this is an early rough cut of the song “Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor” which appears on the newly-released debut album “Keep The Jeep Ridin‘” in a more polished form. most, if not all the sounds i recognise as Fruity Loops/FL Studio presets, but it doesn’t matter cos the song is still smangin.

Kameron Corvet – Know These Things:Shouldn’t You

a decent acoustic cover of an underrated Maxwell song from his 2nd album “Embrya“.

Snuff Box – Boyfriend Scenes

yet another short-lived British sketch show that, judging from this clip, must be seen.

Cushion Muncher

when i was but a child, one of my aunties fed me a styrofoam cup. haven’t seen her since.

Stella – “Bar”

probly one of the most surreal comedy troupes around (i think anything with Michael Ian Black is fantastish anywho). oh ye, the bar owner (aka the guy who can’t cum) is H. Jon Benjamin, currently voicing the title character in the animated hit “Archer“.
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V.

moofies

Anne Hathaway as “Catwoman/Selina Kyle” + Tom Hardy as “Bane” + 1 unknown female lead in Nolan’s 3rd Batflick, “The Dark Knight Rises”

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in the 3rd film, Batman finally takes care of those pesky bats that keep frign following him around everywhere

so it looks like we finally got some confirmation to drown out the sea of rumours that have been circulating on the casting of this film for what seems like an eternity (Johnny Depp as The Riddler, for example). and after Heath Ledger‘s iconic performance as The Joker in the epic pop-culture behemoth known as The Dark Knight, i am reserving judgment on the possible outcome of casting Anne once i actually see the film. under Chris Nolan‘s direction, it should be another solid WIN for the Batman pantheon. Tom Hardy on the other hand, i must confess the only film i’ve seen of his was his role as Eames in Inception, but that was enough for me to dig the dude’s style. apparently he kicked ass in a film called Bronson too (which i will be seeing this weekend), so his ability to pull off the role of the back-breaking roided-up Bane isn’t really in question. what IS in question is the casting of an as-of-yet unnamed co-lead actress.

there is still speculation as to who the other female lead character will be, but as of this moment i have two distinct hunches:

1) Harley Quinn (aka Dr. Harleen Quinzell): a much beloved character that was born on the inimitable and definitive Batman: The Animated Series. her backstory is that she briefly worked at Arkham Asylum as a psychologist of sorts, until she eventually fell in love with The Joker and became the crafty, playful supervillainess Harley Quinn (and Joker’s girlfriend). she mostly gets treated like dirt, but is unendingly loyal to her “Mr. J”. however, introducing her would mean having to include scenes of The Joker, either re-cast or via old footage. either way it wouldn’t work as well without Mr. J being a constant presence.

2) Talia Al Ghul: the daughter of Ra’s Al Ghul (who was one of the chief villains in Batman Begins), Talia has always been depicted as being divided in her love for Bruce Wayne/Batman and her loyalty to her father. although her actions are dodgy at best (usually at the behest of her more maniacal father), bringing her into the fold would take this current incarnation of the Batmovie franchise full circle, perhaps using Ra’s apparent “death” in Batman Begins as a catalyst for her to appear (and i’m not entirely convinced Ra’s perished in the train, he was known for being immortal via the Lazarus Pits, but since the films are trying to remain rooted in reality, perhaps Ra’s is just a master of escape and survival?). as for her story, it would be a complex one as Talia has great affection for Bruce. in the comics they even have a child together. i think her showing up in The Dark Knight Rises is highly more likely, and would interconnect the films quite nicely.

on a final note, after re-watching Batman: The Animated Series from its very beginning (im only halfway thru season 1), i can see a whole LOT of story and plot points that were straight up ripped for the films, which i don’t think is a bad thing at all. the toon is perhaps the best incarnation of the Batverse i’ve ever encountered, and also one of the most enduring (a testament to its quality legacy). my HOPE would be that character cues for Selina and a possible Talia are taken from the cartoon series, as the show portrayed a balanced view of both of these strong females as anti-heroins with a thing for Batman/Bruce. yes they get up to some shady stuff, but they’re also good people at heart. this would be a welcome dynamic from the whole Rachel Dawes thing (which i was never down with from the beginning).

and now? …we wait for July 2012 🙂

V.

miskellanious, moofies, muzak, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 20/12/2010 – 11/01/2011

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RAED, beloved Melbourne rapper, says: "yous shoes the Blues Clues and a...WHOSE WHO of my BOO'S NEWWWSSS!" (translation: read Vahé's blog cos it is really cool, bro)

here it be once again, 10 assorted YouTube clips that will make u laugh, cry and possibly shit ur pants (that’s fucking disgusting man, don’t shit ur pants, unless u really HAVE to, in which case may i recommend using some Quilton to clean up afterwards?).

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Letterman interviews Regis

not only is this a masterclass in off-the-cuff, unscripted interviewing technique, two friends of mine who recently got married and were honeymooning in New York were in the crowd for the filming of this episode. not only THAT, during the pre-show warm-up (where Dave comes out and jokes around with the audience, and later refers back to those off-air jokes during his monologues and throughout the show) after Dave mentioned “Dairy Queen”, one of them (Layal, known to Dave as “Linda”) raised her hand and asked “what’s Dairy Queen?”. following Dave’s surprise at Aussies not having had the pleasure of enjoying “Dairy Queen”, it built up into Dave summoning some “Dilly Bars” during the interview, giving one to Regis, one to Layal (who gets some air-time in this clip, along with hubby Gareth) and eats one himself. it’s all rather surreal seeing ppl u know end up being a central point of an entire episode of Letterman. i know i’ve only DREAMED of getting that close to the man himself. congrats guys 🙂

Here’s How A Harem Girl Dances

Andy Richter as Kenny doin a lil dance in 1994’s tweaked-out fantasy-action-comedy film Cabin Boy. lol a solid top 5 movie.

The Micallef Program – This Is Going To Sound Ridiculous…

what can i say, i worship at the comedy altar of Shaun Micallef. THE funniest person Australia has ever produced.

Telemetry Orchestra – Suburban Harmony

they’re Aussie, they’re super chill, and this music vid takes me to my happy place.

The Cone Of Silence

recently i started watching the original Get Smart series from the very start, as i’ve never seen the full series from beginning to end before. this scene takes place in the first episode, and sets the precedent for the insane level of ‘funny’ this show has to offer.

Luckiest People Alive

a compilation of near-misses and heinous brushes with death that somehow don’t end in tragedy and tears.

Raed – Just Ask Me

“CAN I GET A BEEPBEEP A TOOT TOOOOOT!?”. of COURSE u can, RAED! just as soon as i figure out WHAT THE FUCK U ARE ON ABOUT IN UR SONGS, DUDE. this guy RAED (Lebanese-Australian “rapper”) is either completely out of his gourd or possess the most advanced style of emceeing on the planet and we’re just too deficient to “get it”. either way i’m a fan (which probly says more about me than him).

The Base Is Quite Thick!

recently i got to witness an episode of Nigella Lawson doin her thing in the kitchen, and holy canoli @ the amount of sexual innuendos present in her descriptions of food and the cooking process in general. apparently this is something she’s KNOWN for and naturally, someone’s compiled them.

D-FENS Goes Golfing

watched the Michael Douglas flick Falling Down last week, hadn’t seen it for yeaaarrrss. still held up okay (though was a skoche racist in some parts). this scene in particular though cracked me THEE fuck up.

Kirk Farts

*sniffsniff* …a sweet odour like honey.

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V.

miskellanious, moofies, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 02/12/2010 – 20/12/2010

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these three little cranky fuckers are cranky cos they're high on sugar all the time. oh, and cos i ain't been doin my blogging duties so well lately.

SO, cos i been busy at work i’ve neglected the weekly installments of this little ball of entertainment. instead i’ma just chuck up the 10 coolest YouTube vids i find within any time period, at my own leisure (as it should be).

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Guy Flies Through Train On A Fire Extinguisher

every now and then i watch something like this, sit back in my chair with tears comin out my eyes, and marvel at how far humanity has come in its ability to make me lose my shit. well done.

Now I Show You Some Trick Or Two

clearly, the best fighters and action stars in the world can’t emote for shit, but DANG if it’s not entertaining.

Yooou Shallll Nottt PAAASSS!

i don’t how you guys felt, but i thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was one of the best comedies of the last decade. it holds up to numerous repeat viewings, has got one-liners comin out the ASS and also makes sure to take the audience along for the emotional ride (sometimes embellished) that Peter goes through. i think any broken-hearted man with a sense of humour is gonna identify a lot with the emotions involved within the process of getting over someone who you love like mad, but aren’t actually a good match for. outside of that, Jason Segel (who penned the script) carries the film like a veteran, showing us equal parts vulnerable soft-hearted guy, angry volatile guy and geek-laden funny guy (the latter of which i chose to show here).

The Lollipop Guild

now it’s been a while since i saw The Wizard Of Oz, but this scene seems to have stayed with me for whatever reason. one thing is for sure, you don’t wanna fuck with The Lollipop Guild. the dude on the end looks like he’s bout to have a stroke. i bet they don’t even usually GREET people, but cos Dorothy wasn’t a munchkin The Wiz forced em into doing some lame PR shit (LOOK at how fucking cranky they are lol).

Niles & Frasier: BAAAALLLIIIIN’

an oft-misunderstood show, however that didn’t stop it for running for a decade. i guess the misunderstanding comes with the snooty tone of the show, which puts out a “i’m better than you” vibe, but which also cleverly uses that snootiness for some funny-as-hell moments. eventually you side WITH the snooty Cranes and laugh along with their faux highbrow humour.

What Are You Doing In My Toilet?

Leslie Nielsen recently passed away after an amazing career in tv and film. his brief role in one of my fav tv shows ever, Due South, as Buck Frobisher will be the bits i remember him best for (despite the Naked Gun films and all the other stuff he’s done, got a problem wit dat?!). Leslie played a fart-prone Canadian Mountie. NUFF SAID.

Unnecessarily Censored Smurfs

amazing what some well-placed b***s can do for a video (ohhh see what i did there?).

Purple Berries

im not even sure HOW i stumbled onto this twisted little display of genius editing skills, i WAS in a green haze at the time. HOWEVER, altho most people won’t get the humour, this vid is a perfect example of how you can squeeze laughs out of anything provided you have comic timing and editing skills. mostly through the elongation of certain scenes, and the slooowwwing dooowwnn of others. in the end you are left with a bizarre concoction, but one that’s gonna make people like me (ie those with advanced humour lobes in our brains) kakk til i drop.

Floating Head

lol quite a well-done take on what happens when an evil floating head haunts you, and the emotional attachment that can develop in the process.

LAUGHING TIME IS OVER

unfortunately this is the last vid, and, well, no more laughink for yous (for now).

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V.

miskellanious, moofies, muzak, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week: 25/11/2010 – 02/12/2010

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Pokemon!? wit the Pokeee and the Mon and the thing n the ARH AH AH

cartoon Cosby enjoys my taste in random YouTubery, so why shouldn’t you?

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VB Ad – “Kebab”

the irony: this ad speaks more truth about the late-night Aussie tradition of grabbin a kebab after a night out on the piss than it does about the quality of beer that is VB.

Have You Been High Today?

i’m bleeding FUCKING A!

Pokemon!?

The Simpsons: still as funny as you remember it being. possibly even moreso when watching through more adult eyes.

I’m Gonna Fuck You In The Ass On Saturday

you KNOW no one fucks with The Jesus (even if he is a “peder-ass”). but he’s even more magnificent to watch when slooowwweed the fugggggg dooowwwnnnnnn….HWOOOOOHHHH!!! *multiple crotch thrusts*.

Flynt Flossy – Cavities (feat. Pretty Raheem & Whatchyamacallit)

last week i was exposed to the utter genius that was Yung Humma and “Lemme Smang It“, which featured Flynt Flossy, one of the most bizarre take-offs of a commercial rapper i’ve ever seen, yet his look and sound and everything doesn’t seem to be BASED on anyone lol. everytime i see him on my computer screen i am in awe. now i can add Pretty Raheem and Whatchyamacallit to the list of Turquoise Jeep artists who are kickin more ass and makin cooler songs than the big-name counterparts they’re parodying. now open up wiiiiide for mo cavities.

Chinese Folk Song (feat. The Asian Christopher Walken)

mind-bogglingly awesome. i’ve often held theories as to the nature of the song and the situation. clearly Asian Christopher Walken is the ‘mack’ in the scenario, and he’s gotta choose between these two bitches who won’t stop bugging him while he’s trynah do his thang on an open green field. don’tchya just hate when ppl gotta be all up in ur shit n fuckin up ur game like that?

VENTUUUUUURRAAAAAA…

still one funny-ass (and actually quite bizarre, if u stop and think about the craziness of the character himself) moofie, made all the more hilario by the short inclusion of Ace’s landlord, “Mr. Shickadance“. his forced double-cough is what gets me the most.

Is This The Cocksucker Residence?

underrated performance from a biting satire film by John Waters called “Serial Mom“, starring Kathleen Turner as a serial killing suburban housewife and mother. in this scene, she says some naughty words.

Friendface

one of two clips i’ve selected from The IT Crowd, cos it’s a pisser of a show and it’s my blog so SHUT IT UP, CAMILLE!

Memory IS RAM!

GAHAHAHAHA @ Moss’ utter indignation at Jen’s ignorance (with Roy disapprovingly shaking his head).

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V.

miskellanious, moofies, youtubery

Mista Vee’z ”Top 10 Stoner Fillums” #001

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uh...yeah. .......wha?

i’ve decided that i will periodically disseminate my film picks for essential stoner viewing. initially this was going to be a one-off post but the more films i watch (and they only increase exponentially as i get older), the more recommendations i have. the films in question may not directly involve weed or drugs as part of their plot or story, they may just be trippy in nature and therefore appeal more to the stoner’s sense of wonder and awe than the general sober individual. as a result this list is a mix of comedy, drama, fantasy and thought experiment exercise flicks. all offer something for the stoned mind, that is, an askew look at the world and reality that manifests itself either through belly laughs, introspection or just a general sense of awesome self-awareness that you are watching something fucking cool.

in no particular order:

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Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)

in possibly one of the greatest sequels ever made, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey actually kills off its two main stars and sends them to hell and back. in this classic scene, the boys have to play Death himself (aka “The Reaper”, played by the hugely underrated William Sadler) in order to win their freedom. i’m not sure what the reception was like for this film during its release, but watching it as an adult makes you realise how all-out and ballsy it was. the boys explore the inner-recesses of their minds in multiple chambers throughout hell, confront the devil, mug people in heaven in order to get past the gates to see God himself (depicted as a booming man’s voice), all in an inane attempt to preserve their “excellent” future legacy. watching the first film (which is also quite a trip, but not on par with this (though plenty of ppl feel the opposite)) will help you understand all the little bit characters that pop up throughout the film’s reality and hell sequences.

Head On (1998)

Head On is a decade-old Aussie film that turned out to be one of the most confronting and intense film experiences i’ve ever had. i only got around to watching it a year ago and it felt like i’d been thwacked over the head with a sack of potatoes by the end of it. the amazing performance by Alex Dimitriades gives the entire film a heavy, palpable, moody edge that completely absorbs you (even through the man-on-man action, for those that might be squeamish at such a sight). balancing the depiction of the traditional wog family living in Australia and trying to maintain some sort of cultural identity, with the grungy, complicated, bi-curious and aimless youth of the day makes it riveting to watch (especially as homosexuality and wogs is an eternally touchy subject). this balancing act shows the turmoil present in both aspects of Ari’s (the lead character played by Alex) life, and only adds to the tense washed out atmosphere director Ana Kokkinos helps foster.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

to try and describe the film would leave the uninitiated with a headspin. i watched this for the first time many years ago, and was clearly unready for the genius of the Coen brothers. last year, however, that all changed when i randomly decided to watch it again, for no real reason other than the fact that i was curious why people the world over were still, to this day, hugely obsessed with The Dude and the world of colourful fellow cohorts he inhabits. thankfully, the 2nd viewing did the trick. not only is this a stoner’s wet dream, it’s possibly one of the most quotable films ever made. A MUST SEE.

Waking Life (2001)

this scene from Richard Linklater‘s rotoscoped classic features Alex Jones on one of his many blood-boiling action-inducing rants that make you wanna get up and smash some shit in the name of freedom and justice n alla that good shit. the entire film follows a nameless kid as he strolls through his subconscious within a lucid dream, chatting and listening to all types of people giving their impression of what the world and the universe is all about. this kinda shit is pretty much the default flick for the D n’ M stoner who is looking to awaken a different part of their brain and think about some stuff, all while copping the absolutely unique visual style that is ‘rotoscoping’.

Dark City (1998)

the Aussies are at it again. actually Aussie cinema from the 80s onwards would truly trip even the most stoic stoner out for its sheer audacity and general grunginess. Dark City is a film from highly stylistic and uber-talented director Alex Proyas (who also has The Crow and I, Robot on his resumé). it is also one of the main blueprints the Wachowskis relied upon when shaping The Matrix (which is a nice way of saying they stole/borrowed a lot of shit from Dark City, not just themes and plot, but tone, visuals, entire scenes AND the re-using of constructed set pieces). the film’s protagonist is a man named “John” who has no idea who, where or WHEN he is. around him the world seems to come to a complete standstill, he’s being chased by weird albinos in trench coats, the sun never comes out, and buildings twist and turn and change into other structures (along with the people who also switch identities). either he’s on acid, or somethin hinky is goins on. the film works both on a sci fi level, and a deeply human one as it involves the figuring out and procuring of the human soul. there’s plenty here to get the high mind percolating.

Super Troopers (2001)

i can tell you right meow, this is a certified classic any which way you look at it complete with three stoner viewing essentials: quotables, characters, & weed-induced hilarity. the opening scene alone still warrants hefty belly laughs and uncontrollable chortling. overall it’s the playful nature of the film, and the comic prowess of Broken Lizard that make this (and most of their films) central to a healthy ‘stoner’s film diet’.

Trinity Is Still My Name (1971)

you could argue i’ve included this absolute CLASSIC film because of Bud Spencer and Terence Hill’s iconic ahead-of-their-time humour and comic timing, or because it’s one of the films that kick-started the “Spaghetti Western” genre (one of the first being the predecessor to this film, 1970’s They Call Me Trinity). but if you watch this clip, you’ll see that yes, it’s those things, but mostly? it’s THE FUCKING FOOD. nobody, i mean nobody knows how to eat some food on-screen better than these two. since childhood i’ve watched their films, and in every single one of them there is an extended scene of the two eating an exorbitant amount of food, and really just enjoying the shit out of it. i credit Bud, Terence and the writer/director behind most of their memorable team-ups, Enzo Barboni (aka E.B. Clucher), for making me insanely hungry and providing me with some pretty awesome munchies-related moments throughout my life. on a further note, please track down and watch the two Trinity films. in fact, track down and watch anything these two ever made together. you’ll soon realise you’ve been missing out on an entire classic era of cinema you never knew existed. word=bond.

Return To Oz (1985)

i’m not sure too many people have even heard of this Disney sequel to The Wizard Of Oz. instead of presenting a happy sing-songy munchkinland, this film is more akin to a dark, psychological fantasy film, with enough scary shit in it to leave an indelible mark on me and children like me who were young when they were first exposed to it. the land of Oz is in tatters as Dorothy (played by a young Fairuza Balk in her film debut) navigates it with her pet chicken and encounters all sortsa crazy fucked up shit (ok not my most eloquent description).

Zapped! (1982)

Scott Baio is in a lab accident that gives him telekinetic powers which he, of course, puts to good use by mentally mackin on chicks and other assorted stuff that would make u lose your shit. it’s the 80s, what else ya gonna do (i’ll tell you what else you gonna do, smoke up and enjoy a fat slice of 80s teen movie excess).

The Neverending Story (1984)

yet another supposed kids film that scared the crap out of me as a child. i’m sure everyone remembers Falcor. who the fuck wouldn’t? but does anyone remember the entire planet blowing up? NOPE. but i do.

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V.

moofies, muzak, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week: 18/11/2010 – 25/11/2010

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Yung Humma reckons you can enjoy SMASH/BANG fusion and still have time left to peep this blog

back up in ur ESS, with tha res-uh-REC-shun! it’s time for the 2nd ever “10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week” post. are you excited? and for my dyslexics out there, are you EXITED?

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Zed shuts up ducks

a tender moment between Zed and his lover Laura from “Police Academy 3”.

Bernie Mac – Motherfucker

R.I.P. to the late great Bernie motherfuckin’ Mac. i recently watched Spike Lee’s The Original Kings Of Comedy doco/live show last night for the first time, and in between dying from laughter, i thought Bernie’s sign-off to the whole show: “…and i’m OUT motherfucker!” was fucking gold. his little thoughtful addition post-show was also pretty poignant now that he’s no longer around.

Yung Humma – Lemme Smang It (feat. Flynt Flossy)

i’ve recently been passing this particular video on to friends via Fayzebuuk, sofar all the fellas seem to love it, and all the ladies seem to think it’s the most disgusting thing in the world. i, on the other hand, think it’s the work of absolute genius. definitely on a Club Noir level.

What Mike Tyson Wants In A Woman

…other than himself, of course.

Arnold Schwarzenegger – Fuck You And Me

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Rattrap – We’re All Gonna Die

the only Transformer in history to sound like a wise guy New Yorkian punk. his catchphrase is legendary as he uttered it on what was supposed to be a children’s show, but was in fact one awesome sci fi saga known as Beast Wars. all due props to Scott McNeil for voicing this classic character.

You Got Any Cigarettes?

regular? or menthol? *wink*

Hawaiian Shirt Day

YYYEEAAAAHHHHHHH. yknow the best thing about Office Space? the extras they used as the nameless silent co-workers all look so convincingly depressed and soul-crushed, it just adds more realism to the lame moment you just witnessed (which i’m sure goes on in a lot of places of employ, thankfully i was never subject to dress codes allocated to specifics days).

Ruben Lísias & Paulo Bastos – Achy Breaky Heart (Live Acoustic Cover)

irrationally inspirational. my long-held opinion that you can make an acoustic cover out of any song out there and make it sound sincere n heartfelt kinda came to fruition.

Lady And The Tramp – The Siamese Cat Song

riiiight, and i thought i only dreamed this happened…tha FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!? i remember being utterly in love with the film as a child, but even back then…there was something slightly unhinged about this scene. rubbed me the wrong way. years later, however, it is required stoner viewing. oh, and it may be a little racist. just a skoche. a tad. a TOUCH.

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V.

moofies, muzak, teewee, youtubery

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week: 11/11/2010 – 18/11/2010

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this guy reads my blog and reckons you should watch these videos if you wanna be as sensual as him...with tha LAADIEESSS. whuuutt.

it’s fair to say, i do an unfair amount of YouTubing, trolling around for yet one more elusive funny or amazing vid that i can pass on to my friends and make them think i’m the coolest guy EVAR (anything to make people laugh and/or smile). so i feel a weekly compilation will serve this addiction/psychological tick the best. BEHOLD, in no particular order…YOUTUBE VIDEOS..VIdeos..videos…deoos..os…

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80s Nerds Looking For Love

guys. fellas. DUDES. i’m sure we’ve all felt like these social retards at some point in our lives. YES I LAUGHED MY BALLS OFF, but it doesn’t mean that their perpetual awkwardness and slightly unhinged yet well-intentioned creepiness didn’t strike home, reminding me of my completely awkward non-game-having self from back in the day (not too far ago, it didn’t change til i was frign 20). as for the video itself, it LOOKS like a dating service tape where hopeful bachelors (some with a penchant for “most phases of data processing”, now how does THIS guy not get laid, i ask you) leave what they think is a sexy message, but is, in fact, a painfully humorous look at how even the ugliest dudes in the world still want the same thing as everyone else: “no fattys, no HAMSTERS, no dopers, no stoners”.

Inverse Phase – Fuck You (8-Bit Version)

a carefully re-constructed chiptuned version of Cee Lo‘s monster smash super box office monkey moofie smash box office smash hit, Fuck You.

BAMIX

a couple of days ago the word BAMIX got stuck in my head, and i went in search of it on YouTube as a means of getting it OUT of my head. that’s kinda how all of these videos work. i get hooked on em, then i have to expose myself to it on YouTube a LOT in order to get over it and move on to the next thing that happens to catch my fancy (e.g. the word “fancy”…*sigh* it never ends). ANYway, in my searching i found what appears to be a Russian infomercial style ad for the blender of all blenders.

Kitteh + Turtle = BFFs Fo LYFE

sometimes all it takes is a kitteh ridin dirty on top of a turtle to bring some joy and happiness back into your bleak and repetitive existence…not that i’m talking about MY bleak and repetitive existence…just everyone’s bleak and repetitive existence in general…yknow? …shuttup.

Auto-Erotic Mummification

from the current season of Dexter, the legendary Vince Masuka (played by C.S. Lee) mimes what he thinks went down at a crime scene while Dex does his patented voice-over commentary of the situation.

Lethal Weapon 5 (Trailer)

the long fabled but never seen Lethal Weapon 5 film, made by the fine folks from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. an extended version featuring Frank Reynolds‘ (DeVito) awkward and spot-on sex scene plus some other bits can be seen in the episode Dee Reynolds: Shaping America’s Youth. apparently the full version of the film will be included on the season 6 DVDs. and holy shitballs this is some FUNNY SHIT.

Bob Log III – Boob Scotch

local Aussie alt. rocker Bob Log III combining two of man’s favourite things into one glorious ode.

Shawn Kemp Statue

this mofo was more talented than we knew. i guess he was waiting for someone to chisel a real statue of him?

Enhance

Super Troopers is a certified classic, simply for the amount of funny time-tested scenes that totally litter the film. in any given week i’ll have a piece of this flick floating around in the mushy parts of my cranium. this week, it is a clip that i employ quite often IRL, but mostly to confused looks. as a result i have concluded that i am cool as shit and y’all ain’t.

STAY DOWN!

THE scene from 1987’s American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (cos there’s no confrontations in the other ones? *shrugs*). Steve James as Sgt. Curtis Jackson was probably one of the most over-acted characters in a ninja movie EVAR, but that’s kinda why he kicks ass.

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V.