Category Archives: teewee

THIS TERRIFYING INTERVIEW!

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sometime last year i had the accidental pleasure of flicking onto Melb’s local community TV station, Ch.31, and being transfixed by the controlled madness of a 6-episode series entitled This Terrifying Ordeal!. after subsequently tracking down the show’s Facebook and YouTube pages, and eventually watching all 6eps, the fanboy switch kicked in. everything about the self-described “zero budget” show was clicking with me somewhere deep in the loins, and i HAD to e-friend the minds who created it. after watching the series a few times over, i felt the need to help get the word out, & what better way then to pick the brain of one of the co-creators, Ms. Emmy Gates (Matthew “Rhombus” Macaulay being the other).

V: howdy doo! how are you doing this fine morn/day/eve/morrow? can you please introduce yourself to the folks at home?

E: hi there! my name’s Emmy (Emily) Gates. i’m one of the co-creating, Rhombus-wrangling, Norwegian-slaying members of the T.T.O! ensemble.

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V: before we delve into the swirling miasma of turgid thoughts and misanthropic adventures that is This Terrifying Ordeal!, give us a bit of a background on your regular non-camera life thus far?

E: oh boy. i was born mousey-haired, freckled and shy. my greatest achievement in society’s standards is that i have done 3.8 years of a four year teaching course. then abandoned it. now i sell tickets, own ferrets, and am happy. i think that’s it.

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V: as you may already know, i just happened to stumble onto your show while randomly perusing Channel 31 one night, and was thrown right into the middle of Episode 2, and was permanently stuck there until the credits rolled. i know i was one of the first fanboys to emerge, and was wondering what the response has been like from the general unsuspecting populace? was getting the word out about the show hard or did the online presence on Facebook and YouTube help?

E: i think it’s STILL stuck in a friends/friends-of-friends ripple. we got a few fan-persons, but i don’t think we’ve really found our niche yet. it’s hard to pitch a show to people when you can’t even describe it to them.

 

V: the show touts itself as being “zero budget”, yet you were all able to create entire worlds with distinct characters and present it in a way that seemed you WEREN’T zero budget. what is it like creating a zero budget project, where do you source all the materials & locations and was the lack of budget ultimately a blessing (to spur creative solutions) or a hindrance?

E: i loved it. as the Art Director, an unemployed student living off roughly $20 a week, everything was sourced from op shops and childhood dress-up boxes. and my braaaaaaiiiiiin. making essentially all of the props myself (though Luke and Lauren were quite a help when needed) was traumatic. we had deadlines, we had no money, and everything was made in one-go. if something didn’t work i had to make it work. God Bless Super-Glue.

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V: i understand the individual stories were all written by different authors, with different directors. did the Rhombus/Emmy co-creatorship oversee these or was it left up to the writer/director? what individual responsibilities did the extended cast and crew have?

E: i’d like to take credit as the evil dictator of the project. i think we all collaborate well as a team. if we didn’t we’d all have killed each other years ago. we assigned certain roles to everyone for each shoot, but due to varying schedules and the sporadic nature of our shoots, we often just had to feel our way through it.

 

V: what was the process of actually getting the show on the air like? how did you approach Ch31: did you make the show first? or sell the pitch first and then make it? or did you show them a demo reel/trailer first?

E: i think we… half made the first episode first? it’s hard to remember. the stories all spawned from little ideas Rhombus and i had. we wanted to make comic books, films, adventure games… then just thought – why not combine it all and make a ridiculous anthology show!

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V: being an avid fan of any and all things considered “stoner” viewing, i really cottoned on to the flow and vibe of T.T.O!. though i don’t necessarily think you were ALL on something to even conceive of such entertaining and creative stuff, the show does lean toward the abstract more often than not. what were your main inspirations, were there any homages we might have missed and how did you guys come up with and develop all the original characters?

E: personally, i’m as sober as can be. i just have the mind of an 8 year-old. and hence my main inspirations were shows and things i loved around that age. we were initially going for a ‘kids playing in their backyard’ kind of vibe for the show. which worked it’s way into cardboard/paper costumes and family dress ups. and filming in Matt‘s backyard! the Bacchus Marsh area was a huge inspiration for us. the range and beauty of the surrounding areas was magnificent.

 

V: is an episode fully scripted or are there a lot of on-the-spot additions and subtractions?

E: well… they start fully scripted! i’d say they wind up about 75-90% accurate in relation to the script. depends how much Luke is involved. that’s not a rip. he’s a great improviser. we did have to chop and change a bit though, depending on timing and improv.

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V: okay, we’ve come to what i’m calling the stream-of-consciousness-happy-funtime-thing-with-the-thing-rapid-fire-questions. they are a result of me re-watching all 6eps in one sitting and taking various notes:

who came up with the funkyass intro sequence?

hahaha! that was made in five minutes. after about 20 hours total of messing around to make our intro sequence work, we’d hit our submission deadline. so we took a screen capture from the original pilot, added a kaleidoscope effect and i added a nifty font. the theme tune is what really makes it work in my opinion, which is entirely Rhombus‘ genius.

who is Eduard, and why is he obsessed with Pavlovia?

i have no idea.
actually, Pavlovia was a ‘we don’t want to be able to be pinned down as racist so let’s invent a country.’ originally it was an erratic homage to Pavlov, then people kept thinking of Pavlova, so we ran with it. both reference salivation anyhow.
Rhombus originally made T.T.O! as YouTube shorts, years ago, edited from old movies in the public domain… and presented by Eduard

 

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if it was in your power, would you like to see the world switch to a Bag Of Rats-based economy and why?

God yes. maniacal laugh economy would suit me better, though. i’d be the richest gal in the world.

i found the music to be highly complimentary to the entire series, who handled the tunes/soundtrack/score?

RhombusRhombusRhombus. there were other people involved, and although their involvement was amazing, i’m giving all credit to Rhombus. because he magicked up whatever we needed, and it was always brilliant.

-what are the pros and cons of being a Slinky Pompadour?

pros: slinky arms. ridiculous voice. adorable offspring.
cons: unflattering angles of my bottom available to the public. being unable to see/breathe.

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-socks vs shoes: which is the superior race?

shoes gots the funk.

-approximately how long did TBWFF (“The Boy Who Found Fear”) wander for until happening upon an advanced superior race of dog, presumably some time in the future?

i would say approximately 37,000 years. but it’s debatable.

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-would you guys ever consider releasing a soundtrack? the song that the Ravenous Flesh-eating WereBear boogies to is quite fonky.

Dunk‘s to thank for that one! i’d love to. Rhombus has this crazy idea of us starting a family band and playing the songs live. i’d love to make music videos for some of the tunes.

-aliens vs a family of angry dolphins. who wins?

depends what kind of alien. ask Zombie Douglas Adams.

-if PumpkinLove could retrieve his legs from the garage with ease, what would be the first thing he did?

i really like to hope he’d shave.

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-what makes a Hobo Tree grow?

wistfulness. the urine of homeless dogs.

-speak briefly on the hidden dangers of Apple Schnappes?

it turns you into a pompous git. but that’s barely hidden.

 

-“The Desert Ballroom” is one of my personal favs (up there with “Pumpkin Patch Epiphany”). the story manages to maintain plot and narrative within the disjointed and twisted nature of the looped story (which cleverly involves our ‘host’, Eduard (not really a question, im now realising)).

you liked P.P.E? masochist.

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historically speaking, whenever a tv show did a musical episode, it would always require extra work. was there more prep time and rehearsals involved for “Pumpkin Patch Epiphany”?

OH GOD IT WAS HORRIBLE DON’T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT IT. we had to cut out our favourite character! i played a stoner platypus! he was amazing. and completely superfluous. we also got rained out about… 3 times? dang Melbourne weather. no rehearsals, though. never any rehearsals.

 

explain the origins of The Messenger Man?

flying pie man. don’t question it.
okay. am i going to do this? Naked Earl Maxal is an anagram of  Alexander Kalma, one of our crew. based on a mad lib i did regarding Rhombus and i about 3 years ago.
that’s right Alex. you’re the flying pie. that explained nothing, sorry. the whole pie part? i don’t even know.

how much does a coffee cost in The Escherland?

$3.70

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what is the Winding Deathowl’s dayjob?

door-to-door trumpet sales.

the crowning glory in the series is without a doubt “Dios del Rabano” (aka The Radish God), which also features one of the series’ truly terrifying moments courtesy of Emmy and her machete. where did you guys shoot the majority of this episode, and what was the length of time everyone spent, on average, creating each episode (from beginning to end?).

we spent approximately 1 weekend filming per 15 minutes of final footage. that’s it. no rehearsals. that’ s not including the two years Rhombus and i spent discussing everything. 24/7. hoo boy.

 

V: and i guess finally, how can the good people of Earth get in touch with you guys for: praise, criticism, possible future work, sexual propositions, Hobo Pie recipes etc.?

E: come visit me! and our ferrets! or visit us virtually via this@terrifyingordeal.com / facebook.com/terrifyingordeal.

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V: thank you so much for your time and for sharing your creative brains with the rest of us. hope to see more of your work(s) in future. any final thoughts you’d like to add before i disappear under water into the bathtub, Eduard-style?

E: i don’t actually use my real voice once in the entire series. and… i’m not as disgusting in real life. i promise. thanks for watching us faff about. and if you didn’t watch… thanks for nothing.

LOVE,

EMMY.

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SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER! // 10 Coolest Things On YouTube (as of 19/01/2013)

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well well WELL. apparently it’s now 2013. but try convincing my brain that. or that i’m fast approaching 29yrs of age. or that life is a motherfucking BATTLEFIELD (actually im pretty convinced of the latter *shakes fist* fucking LIFE). right. so in anticipation of some major awesome blogging that is right around the bend, i wanted to kick off with a concept post i did when i first began this BLAUG in November of 2010: a top 10 of my fav YouTube vids in that current moment in time. since so much time has lapsed b/w the last one of these and NOW, i’m including the “as of” date, just to give an idea of the timeframe in which i discovered these vids, and also cos im a lazy fuck and im getting old and i only wanna remember the most recent date. yep. OKAY, on to the entertainment!

BANE OUTTAKES

a masterful display of immitation and mockery, completely dominated by the now infamous Bane Freestyle Rap segment, but has so many other memorable lil touches that the whole thing is just a big fat fucking win. also leaves me with the craving for cream cheese and frowny biscuits.

DAY JOB ORCHESTRA: STUFF WE FOUND IN THE BUSHES

DJO, still going strong. thank you latenite stoned random discoveries! also get a peek at the Roger Rap, which was separated as its own vid by popular demand.

OMAR…GUY’S LARGE INTERNATIONALLY

in a serendipitous display of pop culture awkwardly mashing with the underground, witness as “Saturday” by OMAR is played by ‘David’ in a season 5 ep of Beverly Hills 90210, whilst ‘Donna’ and that other skank look on disapprovingly.

LIKE A FUCKIN LIZARD ON ICE

Dexter recently concluded its 7th season with the long overdue appearance of Sgt. James Doakes (via flashbacks, but really ANY way of working him back into the story is welcome). Erik King delivers what is probably the line of the season, and a rather obvious but never-mentioned insight into the fact that, yes, Dex DOES have a weird glidey lizardy walk.

DMX – RUDOLPH THE REDNOSE REINDEER

FLESH OF MY FLESH! NOSE OF MYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE.

DIE ANTWOORD – DJ HI-TEK RULEZ

……i have no witty caption for this…song. lol. other than its hilarious for its misleading title, and just the general ‘wtf’ factor.

R.A.E.D – ABOUT TIME

finally. the vid that proves, once and for all, that there IS a church in the wild, motherfuckers. stop hatin.

KOOT BIE – I WANNA FUCK YOU

i am told this is part of a clever German sketch show. damn thing is done so convincingly if it werent for the oversized ears, i woulda thought it was real.

BACKSTREET BOYS – QUIT PLAYIN GAMES WITH MY HEART (ACOUSTIC)

yet another example of my so-far never wrong maxim that “acoustic makes everything better”. you can take the most REVILED song in existence and transform it into an emotionally honest barebones acoustic rendition. not that i consider this song to be horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but acousticising it certainly does add some lovely 90s acoustic poprock charm to it that wasnt there before.

FUCK YOU!

as if we needed ANOTHER reason to worship at the altar of Teh Whedon, he was not only recently involved in writing and directing the 2nd highest grossing film of all time, he also helped bring into fruition what has fast become an underground cult CLASSIC, and one that is only LATELY getting its public due. almost everyone ive shown this film to has LOVED it. you know why? cos they’re fucking awesome.

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JOSS WHEDON thanks fans, considers Jai Alai “Air Bud” reboot & teaches you the correct way to poo

grr, argh.

if ur a Whedon fan, u should know what those two words represent and where u first heard the words uttered while a paper cut-out demon hopped across your screen. it should be etched into your memory as the moment Joss Whedon entered your pop cultural universe, planted his lawnchair and proceeded to build the nerd babylon we refer to as “The WHEDONverse”. you know you’ve made an impact when your name is associated with an entire UNIVERSE, even moreso when they start teaching courses at Universities on TV shows you’ve created. there have been many achievements to already elevate Joss into “god” status when it came to quality TV, film, comics, writing, directing, characterisation, tones of storytelling that frequently oscillate from every human emotion possible and countless mental/emotional/spiritual (one could argue)/COMEDIC punches to the fucking GUTS. but none of it ever seemed ENOUGH, nahmean?

i’m sure every Whedonite has gone through that almost alienated feeling when you’re completely head-over-heels for something he created, but somehow can never properly channel that love into coherent words when time came to attempt to explain it to someone you knew. but at the same time it’s a very KNOWING alienation, that even though your friends choose not to care, there IS a huge fanbase out there and they’re just as apeshit about the man’s work as you are. it’s that resolve (and the unending stream of classic material from Joss and his many minions) that’s solidified and exponentially grown his fanbase into what i will call “The Powderkeg Event” that is THE AVENGERS film, more specifically how awesomely awesome the fucking awesome thing is, and how awesomely it is DOMINATING in almost every corner of the globe right now. not to mention the crazy-ass box office returns (i think it’s already at 1.6 BILLION and counting?). at this point i have to check n make sure we ain’t in the bizarro version of life where talented individuals get rewarded in the end, VINDICATED even. but we kinda are. the epic legacy of JossDance Of JoyWhedon is, over the coming months and years, gonna be on full display for nerds like us to cheer on with immense glee, or for relative newbies to catch up on.

as a sign of that slowly but surely changing tide, the man himself wrote a congratulatory note to his fanboys and fangirls directly on his longtime fansite Whedonesque, touching on various issues in true Whedon fashion. there’s also a link to him teaching a guy how to poo at the very start of the article, make sure u catch that part lol.

from Whedonesque:

The Purple. IN WHICH the guy who comes before “Esque” shares his deep depth, and then links you to a vid of him as a poop coach.

“YeahbuhWHUH?”

–Kitty Pryde

Dear Friends,

Well, it’s been quite a weekend. Someday, long from now, I will even have an emotional reaction to it, like a person would. I can’t wait! But before I become blinded by this “emotion” experience, there’s a few things I’d like to say. Well, type.

People have told me that this matters, that my life is about to change. I am sure that is true. And change is good — change is exciting. I think — not to jinx it — that I may finally be recognized at Comiccon. Imagine! Also, with my percentage of “the Avengers” gross, I can afford to buy… [gets call from agent. Weeps manfully. Resumes typing.] …a fine meal. But REALLY fine, with truffles and s#!+. And I can get a studio to finance my dream project, the reboot of “Air Bud” that we all feel is so long overdue. (He could play Jai Alai! Think of the emotional ramifications of JAI ALAI!!!!)

What doesn’t change is anything that matters. What doesn’t change is that I’ve had the smartest, most loyal, most passionate, most articulate group of — I’m not even gonna say fans. I’m going with “peeps” — that any cult oddity such as my bad self could have dreamt of. When almost no one was watching, when people probably should have STOPPED watching, I’ve had three constants: my family and friends, my collaborators (often the same), and y’all. A lot of stories have come out about my “dark years”, and how I’m “unrecognized”… I love these stories, because they make me seem super-important, but I have never felt the darkness (and I’m ALL about my darkness) that they described. Because I have so much. I have people, in my life, on this site, in places I’ve yet to discover, that always made me feel the truth of success: an artist and an audience communicating. Communicating to the point of collaborating. I’ve thought, “maybe I’m over; maybe I’ve said my piece”. But never with fear. Never with rancor. Because of y’all. Because you knew me when. If you think topping a box office record compares with someone telling you your work helped them through a rough time, you’re probably new here. (For the record, and despite my inhuman distance from the joy-joy of it: topping a box office record is super-dope. I’m an alien, not a robot.) So this is me, saying thank you. All of you. You’ve taken as much guff for loving my work as I have for over-writing it, and you deserve, in this our time of streaming into the main, to crow. To glow. To crow and go “I told you so”, to those Joe Blows not in the know. (LAST time I hire Dr. Seuss to punch my posts up. Yeesh!) Point being, you deserve some honor, AND you deserves some FAQs answered. So please welcome my old friend and certainly not-on-my-payroll reporter/flunky, Rutherford D. Actualperson!

RDA: So good to see you, young Joss! is it possible you’ve gotten more attractive since we last spoke, and less fungal in odor?

JW: Thanks for noticing. Let’s talk.

RDA: “the Scavengers” is a huge success! Does this mean you have changed the very fabric of existence?

JW: Dude, it’s just a movie. Also, yes.

RDA: I’ve seen a lot of a talk about “the Availers” vs “the Dark Knight Rises”. How will you feel if you’re eclipsed by Nolan?

JW: I’m glad I made you ask that. I will feel sad. But let’s look at the bigger picture, and I can’t say this enough: THIS IS NOT A ZERO SUM GAME. Our successes, whoever has the mostest, are a boon to each other. We’re in the business of proving that superhero movies aren’t just eye-candy (they’re eye-TRUFFLES!). People seem intent on setting us against each other, and though I’m proud to be Woody Strode to Nolan’s Kirk Douglas, I think they’re missing the point. Whatever TDKR does on its first weekend, the only stat that matters to me is the ticket I’M definitely buying. Nolan and Raimi INVENTED the true superhero flick, yo. (Special mention to Jon Favreau and James Gunn.) Happy to be in the mix.

RDA: What does this mean for your upcoming slate of tiny independent films/Internet shenanigans? Will they fall by the wayside?

JW: There may be new ideas realized — I always leave myself open to that — but my commitment to Wastelanders and Dr H.2 does not waver. Those stories bubble on my stove.

RDA: And TV?

JW: TV is my great love. To tell stories with that alacrity, intensity, and immediacy… Nothing quite like it. I imagine it’s not dissimilar to the feeling great poker players have: “Here’s what I got, here’s where I’m going… How to trick everybody into thinking I know what I’m doing?” [Full disclosure : Joss hates poker. He is probably talking about bridge. But it should apply nonetheless.].

RDA: What message would you give fans of “the Lavenders” who are not so familiar with your previous work?

JW: “Cabin In the Woods”: still in (some) theaters!

RDA: Is ‘the Ravengers” a perfect movie? It did get an A+ cinemascore…

JW: There are very few perfect movies. “The Court Jester”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Godfather” I & II… The list does not go on and on. “The Avengers” is notably IMperfect, which makes its success mean so much more to me — because it’s striking a chord that matters MORE than its obvious flaws. Like the team, it appears to be more than the sun of its parts. Boo-yah!

RDA: What do you feel is the greatest achievement of “the Avoiders”?

JW: Getting “mewling quim” out there to the masses. Also, Hulk.

RDA: Anyone in particular you’d like to thank?

JW: [Reads from notecard]. I couldn’t have done this myself. Part of this Saturn Award belongs to Jeremy Latcham, Kevin Feige, and the fine Marvel folk… But the secret ingredient is my closest peeps: J-Mo, who did uncredited punch-up work (carrier battle, yo!), Z-bro, Drew “I am Loki only taller and foppier” Goddard, and Kai, all of whom worked the story with me. Without them (and Jeremy), I’d still be figuring out how the Wasp fits in to this, and where to put Red Hulk.

RDA: What’s next for Joss “finally got it right for a change” Whedon?

JW: Can we not call me that?

RDA: Just deal. Whut up?

JW: I really think we should discuss that nickname, but I’m finishing “Much Ado About Nothing” this month. If you liked “the Avengers”, you’ll love… I can’t. It’s Shakespeare. And not in the park. I hope it gets watched.

RDA: Any message to your precious “Whedonesk?”

JW: Whedonettes?

RDA: Weeble-eque?

JW: I’m not aware of that group.

RDA: Didn’t they know you when?

JW: I’m not sure who you mean. I’m discarding my old fans so I can concentrate on fame, Euro-trash guy-jewelry and my precious “Air Bud” reboot. But, dude, don’t print that!

RDA: You have my word.

So, that’s our post! Hope you enjoyed it. Hope you’ll continue to carry the banner even though other people may have joined the parade. (Kind of a gay pride/Newsies vibe: sentence accomplished!) Hope you understand how I feel. Cliff notes: grateful.

“Here’s to us. Who’s like us? Damn few”
— Stephen Sondheim, “Merrily We Roll Along”.

“It took a dog playing Jai Alai to teach us humanity!”
–Me, in that awesome film I’m gonna make.

-j., 5/9/12

[ edited by joss on 2012-05-09 15:26 ]

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DA BASSMENT Crew (aka Swing Mob): The Rise, Fall & Rise Of One Of The Baddest Motherfucking Crews In Modern Music History + the recently unearthed 77min cassette demo tape YOU.MUST.HEAR

let’s take it back to the early/mid-90s for a second and lemme sum up what i’m about to offer up to you, anonymous tastemakers and music-lovers of the Internet:

Jodeci were blowing the fuck up off the strength of their now-classic debut album Forever My Lady in the early 90s (of which all the slow songs were written by mastermind DeVante Swing about a girl he was dating at the time who left & joined the army. random, right?). and amidst all the adulation came some form of power for Mr. Donald “DeVante” DeGrate, who then embarked on an ambitious project that was reminiscent of a bygone era in music. while on tour with Jodeci, he would routinely hear auditions from local groups. after carefully selecting which ones he thought showed real promise and real talent, he amassed them into a collective known as Da Bassment crew (aka Swing Mob) sometime around 1992, tho some people say the ball could’ve got started rolling even before that. this is a large pool of talent that included future legends like Timbaland, Missy Elliott, Tweet, Magoo, Ginuwine, Playa, Static/Major and quite a bit of input from DeVante and Dalvin as well. originally known as the 45.4 Q Clique, and then Swing Mob, the name Da Bassment eventually stuck due to the recording complex that all the artists either lived in or next to (this would be Dajhelon Studios in which the group primarily used the basement studios for their work).

however, the clique imploded sometime after The Show, The Afterparty, The Hotel (an album which had credited and uncredited contributions from various Bassment members, as did Diary Of A Mad Band, this group-mentality of creation being the status quo). while the majority of the goings on and the real reasons for the epic split of this epic crew remained a source of constant wonder and curiosity for nearly two decades (and a certain amount of sadness that it wasn’t fully realised), in the last few years we’ve seen ex-members like Susan Weems (of the group Sugah, of which Tweet and Rolita White were also a part) and emcee, Accion, give lengthy interviews about their experiences in Da Bassment. the former VP of the label, Shannon “Big Shann” Miller also recently recounted the experience with an interview via Skype that’s up on YouTube.

but above all else is this following important information: in 2010 the owner of the Static Major Is Music Blog anonymously recieved a package in the mail after posting a few Bassment-related things. turns out the tape, unmarked and unlabeled, is a full tape of snippets of songs produced and made in Da Bassment, by Da Bassment. since it’s in snippet form, i can only assume it was originally designed to be a mixtape or promo tape of sorts. only a few full-length songs are featured. oh yeah, let me say it again just in case i understated it: UNRELEASED, UNEARTHED TUNES BY YOUR FAVOURITE BASSMENT ARTISTS. this is stuff i, or the collective “we”, thought we’d NEVER EVER end up hearing. when i randomly discovered it in a lazy Google search over a month ago, i almost freaked out. it had become such an unreachable treasure that i didn’t bother to think about it anymore, but here it is y’all: 77MINS OF IT. lol. a sneak peek into the collective creative braintrust known as Da Bassment. and what i hear only confirms my long-held position that, were the ‘experiment’ to work out and the group not disbanded, they would be household names and changed the entire face of modern r&b and hip hop music (as a COLLECTIVE and on their own terms, which is what DeVante was ultimately working towards).

INSANELY, this gem has somehow managed to remain SO under the radar (even Internet’s radar) that i, a confirmed Bassment zealot, didn’t know of its existence til a YEAR after it hit the net. which is some shameful shit (to me). so i have taken it upon myself to help spread the good vibes like i did with the Jack Herrera post. i want this blog post to become the vocal focal point for some Bassment love. come share your adulation for this still-unheralded clique, read up on the day-to-day happenings of the group via eye-witness accounts of ex-members, and how it ultimately all went sour. but like i said, most importantly: DOWNLOAD THE MIXTAPE. listen to all the early weed-soaked creative nuggets that led to mega-stardom and music icons.

FYI: these are tunes that have been directly ripped from a rough cassette tape copy as just “Side 1” and “Side 2” (respectively by Static Major Is Music), i’ve spent a good month chopping em up and figuring out track names, and especially the artists involved in each tack. since some of the members were completely new to me, it took a while to get acclimated to their voice in order to suss out who is who. but i think you’ll find this to be the most complete (and probaly ONLY) functioning tracklist.

FYI (II): i’m designing this post to be sort of a central hub for any and all information regarding the history of Da Bassment throughout its entire run. that includes interviews with former members, rare pics and video glimpses into their world, an attempt at a complete list of Bassment members, unconfirmed rumours (some so crazy they might be true), and of course the songs themselves (incuding all the released material the group were involved with).

we begin the audio assault with THE demo tape that no one seems to know ANYthing about lol. typical Bassment style, even when we get to hear the MUSIC, we’re still left in the dark about the finer details. nevertheless, it’s die-hard fans/music nerds like me that desire to put the pieces together. here we go, courtesy of the afore-mentioned Static Major Is Music blog (wanna make sure they/Buddha get the much-deserved shout-outs on this page cos they broke the news/provided links in the first place).

DA BASSMENT DEMO TAPE

tracklist:

01. Timbaland – Da Funk (1:32)
02. Sista – Sweat You Down (Alternate Version) (feat. Craig Mack) (1:19)
03. Virginia – Slow Drag (3:41)
04. Sista – U Better Be Ready (2:02)
05. Ginuwine – Come Inside (2:03)
06. Ginuwine – I’m Going To Fall In Love (2:23)
07. Sugah – Fly Guy (1:18)
08. Timbaland & Magoo – Plenty Of Styles (feat. Missy Elliott) (3:34)
09. Dante Hawkins – Nobody’s Home (prod. DeVanté Swing & E-Bass) (3:50)
10. Da Boogie Man – Interlude (1:00)
11. Sugah – Sugah Thang (feat. Playa, Accion, Mr. Brendal, Timbaland & Reboc) (1:42)
12. Da Bassment – Ain’t Nuthin’ But A B-Party (4:07)
13. Jodeci – Get Back (6:03)
14. Ginuwine – Let’s Stop Effin’ Around (1:48)
15. Sugah – Expired (2:41)
16. Sista – Find My Love (Alternate Version) (0:58)
17. Playa – Come On, Girl (2:15)
18. Sista – Brand New (Mr. Dalvin’s Ferrari Mix) (Extra Raps) (feat. Mr. Dalvin & Static) (1:11)
19. Timbaland – Makes You Say (1:26)
20. Timbaland – We Can Do This (1:08)
21. Da Bassment – Ain’t Nuthin’ But A B-Party (Alternate Mix) (1:02)
22. Timbaland – Get Down (feat. Playa) (1:07)
23. Static – S-T-A-T-I-C (1:34)
24. Reboc – Untitled (feat. Timbaland) (0:56)
25. Timbaland – Peepin’ My Style (feat. Static & Missy Elliott) (2:37)
26. Timbaland – Do You Wanna (feat. Accion) (3:09)
27. Sugah – Sugah Sensation (feat. Timbaland) (1:44)
28. Sugah – Goin’ Down (feat. Timbaland) (2:11)
29. Virginia – Get Down (feat. Timbaland & Missy Elliott) (3:23)
30. Virginia – Let Me In Your Life (feat. Missy Elliott) (3:28)
31. LB – Baby I Know (0:54)
32. Missy Elliott – Red Lights (feat. Timbaland) (1:12)
33. Sugah – Smokin’ In The Dark (1:23)
34. Sugah – Smokin’ In The Dark (Alternate Mix) (0:34)
35. H-Town – Set It Off (4:12)
36. Sugah – Sugar & Spice (1:51)

runtime = 77:18.

:::DOWNLOAD:::
zip|rar

as u might tell, it’s not yet a COMPLETE tracklist. so if anyone’s got info on tracks 31 & 35 please let me know.

and just to further add to this barrage of Bassment-related audio yumminess, i’ve compiled my own personal mix of more Bassment materials which includes: unreleased stuff, soundtrack cuts & work done for other artists (as you will see, many of the members of the crew participated on the production and writing tip for other artists). it’s slightly riskier for me to post these songs as some of them include some big-name artists that might wanna lay the smackdown on me and this blog, but it’s all for the love. if anyone DOES object to their tunes being present here in this particular mix, please give me a yell first. otherwise, please to be enjoying even more of my favourite Bassment-related goodies 🙂

(and a further note, i’ve tried to include only tracks that feature two or more Bassment members on the track, and also the songs which i think best exemplify Da Bassment sound. i’ve also tried to track down as many deets/credits regarding who did what on each track as possible, but even i can be wrong time to time so if y’all have any corrections to make, please don’t hesitate to tell me off).

Mista Vee Presents…Swing Mobbin’: Sounds From Da Bassment

tracklist:

01. DeVante – P.I.B 4Play
produced by DeVante Swing.

02. Danny Boy – Slip N’ Slide
produced by DeVante Swing & Reggie De’vell Moore.
additional vocals by DeVante Swing & Ginuwine.

03. Aaron Hall – Curiosity (Misdemeanor)
produced by Mr. Dalvin.
written by Aaron Hall, Missy Elliott & Mr. Dalvin.
additional vocals by Missy Elliott.

04. DeVante – Gin & Juice (Remix)
produced by DeVante Swing & Timbaland.
additional vocals by Da Boogie Man, Mr. Brendal, Magoo, Timbaland, Accion, Static & C-Dub.

05. Al Green – Could This Be The Love
produced by DeVante Swing.
additional vocals by DeVante Swing, Playa & Renee Anderson.

06. Mr. Dalvin & Static – True O.G.
produced by Mr. Dalvin & Timbaland.

07. Jodeci – Can We Flo?
written, produced and arranged by DeVante Swing.
background vocals by Playa.

08. Jodeci – Zipper
produced by DeVante Swing.

09. DeVante – Gin & Juice
produced, written & arranged by DeVante Swing.
additional vocals by Static.

10. B Rezell – Blowed Away
produced by DeVante Swing & Timbaland.
additional vocals by DeVante Swing.

11. Jodeci – Room 454: DeVante’s “Inhermission”
produced by DeVante Swing.

12. Da Bassment – Love You Down
produced by DeVante Swing.
vocal arrangements by Playa.
additional vocals by LB, Sugah & DeVante Swing.

13. Jodeci – What About Us (Swing Mob)
produced by DeVante Swing & Timbaland.
additional vocals by Magoo.

14. Ginuwine – I Want You
produced by DeVante Swing.

15. Tony Thompson – Slave
produced by DeVante Swing & Darryl Pearson.
music by DeVante Swing, Darryl Pearson & Missy Elliott.
all instruments by DeVante Swing & Darryl Pearson.
background vocals by Static, Smokey, Darryl Pearson, Missy Elliott & DeVante Swing.
mixed by Prince Charles Alexander.

16. Jodeci – Sweaty
produced by DeVante Swing.
additional vocals by Missy Elliott.
scratches by Timbaland.

17. Sista – Find My Love
produced by DeVante Swing & Timbaland.
additional keys by DeVante Swing.
written by Missy Elliott.

18. Renee Anderson – Gonna Be Your Night
produced by DeVante Swing.

19. Usher – Can U Get Wit It
produced by DeVante Swing.
instruments by DeVante Swing & Timbaland.
guitar by Darryl Pearson.
mixed by Prince Charles Alexander.
additional vocals by DeVante Swing.

20. H-Town – Part Time Lover
produced by DeVante Swing & Darryl Pearson.
additional vocals by DeVante Swing.

runtime = 78:10.

:::DOWNLOAD:::
zip|rar

mix is also available for streaming only via Mixcloud.

BONUS JAMS

there’s also a funky phat bonus track called “Ride Around” (dudes on the net are calling it “RidING Around” but i’ma call it “Ride Around”) that was also apparently featured on the tape, but for some reason was edited out of the final cassette rip by the blogger (i think, but again not sure why). as a result i’m not sure where it sits in the tracklist, therefore i’m callin it a “bonus track”. but far more than a loose end, this is one of THE dopest tracks to surface from the collective. it’s labeled as Da Bassment but it sounds mostly like a Timbo/Playa production. either way, tis some FONKY.SHIT.

Da Bassment – Ride Around (3:33)

***UPDATED JAN 2ND 2012***
did i mention i’m finding new old shit all the damn time now? just seems to be popping up all over the frign place (no complaints here lol, jussayin). so last night while i was messin around on YouTube (which is something i like to do each night before i sleep), i come across another Bassment joint (presumably from the demo tape as well) called “Another Level”. Timbo‘s and Static‘s verses are the same ones later re-used on “Smoke In Da Air”, and the chorus was re-used by Timbo maaaaany years later on his track “Hello” (feat. Keri Hilson). cool to know Tim didn’t mind reachin back to his Bassment days for his current shit (now if only the music could reflect that too).

Da Bassment – Another Level (4:20)

lol @ that intro. Reboc is gangsta as fock. Static gamblin. DeVante being DeVante with his breathy-spoken ass lol. and once again, Static rippin his verse. and i need to add this cos it’s important: STOP SLEEPIN ON MAGANOO. from what little we’ve heard of him from Da Bassment days, he’s just as dope as anyone else in the collective. there’s a reason he was there, folks. Magoo got rhymes.

we now come to the interviews section of this weird and wonderful ride known as Da Bassment. it seems that 2009 was the year that got the ball rolling in terms of solid in-depth information coming out about the entire experience. i’ve tried my best to scour the Internetz for as many as i can find, hopefully it’ll give y’all a clearer picture of how it all went down. i think what’s led to constant confusion over the facts is that back in the 90s we would hear mostly negative things from the camp post-Bassment. and of course, the vicious and never-ending rumour-mill (which i also participated in back in the day, purely out of frustration of not knowing what.the.fuck.went.wrong). Sue Weems & Accion probably give the most in-depth peeks into the Bassment universe, but the short video chat with Bazaar Royale (aka Da Boogie Man/Boogie) seems to be the most honest one (that is, not tipping in an anti-DeVante or anti-Bassment direction but also not over-praising as there was some serious shit going on with De back then which also caused rifts).

anyway, i could waffle on, but these cats tell it much better than i ever could. cos they were, yknow, THERE.

Static/Major @ Murderdog.com (2004ish).
only available at Playa’s Myspace page.

Smoke E./Smokey (of Playa) @ RNBHaven.com (2009).
pg. 1 | pg. 2

DeVante Swing with RNBHaven.com (2009).
can only be found here via the Lipstick Alley msg boards.
originally available here at RNBHaven.com.

Susan Weems @ NJS4ever.com (2009).
pg. 1 | pg. 2 | pg. 3 | pg. 4

Smoke E./Smokey (of Playa) @ NJS4ever.com (2009).
pg. 1 | pg. 2 | pg. 3

Accion @ NJS4ever.com (2010).
pg. 1 | pg. 2 | pg. 3 | pg. 4 | pg. 5

Bazaar Royale (aka Da Boogie Man/Boogie) @ NJS4ever.com (2010).

Shannon Miller (aka Big Shann) @ StaticMajorIsMusic.blogspot (2010).








Tweet @ YouKnowIGotSoul.com (2010).
http://youknowigotsoul.com/?p=3166.

DeVante Swing @ YouKnowIGotSoul.com (2011).
http://youknowigotsoul.com/?p=14843.

Missy Elliot @ Vh1 Behind The Music (2011).


Timbaland @ E! True Hollywood Story (2011).
http://videozer.com/video/ASsGvrb9.

Prince Charles Alexander @ SoulCulture.co.uk (2011).
and as an added bonus, a mad cool retrospective on the Diary Of A Mad Band album by the engineer who mixed it (and other Bassment tracks): http://www.soulculture.co.uk/features/interviews/jodecis-diary-of-a-mad-band-lp-revisited-with-prince-charles-alexander-return-to-the-classics.

in the midst of all this research (let me remind y’all, i’ve been heading toward this large-ass blog post for what seems like a lifetime: i GREW UP on Bassment music), i was able to piece together a decent list of known Bassment/Swing Mob members.

Donald DeGrate (aka DeVante Swing/Boss Playa)
Dalvin DeGrate (aka Mr. Dalvin)
Timothy Mosley (aka Timbaland)
Melvin Barcliff (aka Magoo/Maganoo)
Melissa Elliott (aka Missy/Misdemeanor)
Elgin Lumpkin (aka Ginuwine)
Radiah Scott
Chonita Coleman
LeShawn Shellman
Charlene Keys (aka Tweet)
Susan Weems (aka Susie/Sue)
Rolita White
Jawann Peacock (aka Smokey/Smoke E. Digglera)
Benjamin Bush (aka Black/Digital Black)
Stephen Garrett (aka Static/Major/Stacks)
Renee Anderson (aka Renee)
Bazaar Royale (aka Da Boogie Man/Boogie)
Virginia Williams (aka Virginia/VA)
Dante Hawkins
Charles Wiley (aka C-Dub)
Mr. Brendal
Accion
Reboc
Darryl Pearson
Steven Jordan (aka Stevie J)
Chad Elliott (aka Dr. Seuss)
Shannon Miller (aka Big Shann) (Vice President)
Robert Reives (aka Robb/RR)
D. Brooks (?)
Da Deuce
Special “K” Tay
Big Mel
Reggie De’vell Moore
SMK
LB

RUMOURS, HALF-TRUTHS, BULLSHIT & INNUENDO

welcome to the now-legendary pantheon of theories and assumptions regarding one DeVante Swing and Da Bassment crew. i collected these nuggets from various locales on the web, didn’t feel like crediting anyone as none of it can really be verified. then again, we barely know half the story, and as The Dude might say (in the parlance of our times), new shit is coming to light all the damn time. and like i said at the top of this post: some of this sounds so crazy that it might be true. so, brace yourselves :/

*the members in Jodeci was also sleeping with some of the girls in Da Bassment. K-Ci slept with Missy.

*Mary broke in to some girl’s appartment that K-Ci and DeVante was messing with. Mary “DON’T PLAY” when it comes to K-Ci.

*DeVante was raped and beaten with a bat in his home by Suge Knight and the homies, because he didn’t want to work with Suge anymore. Suge did alot of things to his own artists. Suge is ruthless.

*i live in Rochester & I remember the time period they were here. they also made the last Jodeci CD here. if i remember correctly DeVante‘s cars started getting reposessed here during that period. he also produced a local girl here, had a whole album done. she opened for Maze here & the local station was playing what was supposed to be her 1st single then she vanished. word is that before the album dropped, DeVante pressured her to sleep with him. she wouldn’t & overnight the master tapes to her album were destroyed.

*1. DeVante discovered Missy and some other folks.
2. he moved them up to Rochester to make a compilation album.
3. Missy started to shine and DeVante got salty.
4. DeVante started doing some devious shit because he was angry that Missy was getting her shine on.
5. after spending two years in Rochester, folks weren’t getting paid, there was no album, no food, and no sleep.
6. Missy, Ginuwine, Timbaland, and Magoo had the balls to leave.
7. Missy and Timbaland are now healthy and rolling in money while DeVante looks like the crackhead firefly from the Frog Princess.

*here’s DeVante‘s story in the music biz:
he was doing real good at one point and was making music for everyone, Suge reached out to him and asked that he worked on certain projects. at first he was alright with it but then realized Suge was abusing him and decided to let Suge know he was no longer interested in working on those projects. eventually, Suge had some dudes run up on him in his crib and rape him. after that incident he kept running from house to house, wherever he could stay because he was scared of being home. he started doing drugs heavy and was suicidal at one point… DeVante‘s never been the same since that incident.

*ALL of them were getting raped, Suge helped them get out of the situation at Uptown so their ass was on tap.
Mary was also helped out of that situation.
one of them, either K-Ci or JoJo got the door locked on them in the studio for talking slick.
The Roots wanted to sign with Suge but they didnt want to give up the ass since Questlove has a big juicy one.

*i heard he got blacklisted because Elektra gave him $1 million for his own label, but he couldn’t recoup it.
also burned bridges….he had Suge Knight force Andre Harrell to restructure their contracts, on some “Big Red” Five Heartbeats type ish…lol.
shortly after “All Eyez On Me” dropped, he caught on that Suge was skimming money too, and severed all ties. Suge wasn’t too pleased about that…
also Keyshia Cole….he has a studio out in SF Valley and develops artists out there.
alot of people say, since he’s blacklisted and can’t do anything under his own name, he ghosts for other people, i wouldn’t doubt that.

*i heard that most of the members started having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after two years of minimal food and water.

*Ginuwine is just cool with K-Ci and JoJo and they were always cool..they once had a writer from Vibe magazine who knew DeVante… she even said DeVante doesn’t talk to hardly any of the Da Bassment members besides Static (R.I.P). Timbaland has tried to reach out to DeVante but he aint messing with none of them.

*”the real GENIUS behind Jodeci was DeVante. that’s a real producer for you. those beats, melodies, and vocal arrangements truly caused goosebumps. look at “Feenin'”, case and point. the concept of being in lust over someone so much its painful you need a fix like a dope fiend. the chorus is so strong, i haven’t heard anything since. he was the one who mentored Timbaland, Missy, and Ginuwine. in 1994 they all came here to Rochester NY to record “Show, Afterparty, Hotel” to be low key. i knew Ginuwine as Elgin when he worked at the downtown Footlocker. they were managed by Suge who ran up 500K in recording costs at Dajhelon studios. when the bill came, Suge told them to fuck off and bankrupted them. i had a brief internship there a few years later, where I got to hear most of the amazing unreleased master tapes, particularly from a then unknown named Timbaland. lol, and K-Ci got my sloppy seconds (sorta). i was seeing this dope Rican mami, he scooped her at the mall and it was a done deal. she told me and i said peace.. ah the memories”, by Frank Mancuso (@FrankieEmz) via Twitter, posted April 2011.

FINAL THOUGHTS & MUSINGS

it becomes almost impossible to take sides in a situation like this. legions of us still worship at the altar of D. Swing, but it seems it was his ill-fated association with the human cancer known as Suge Knight that most-likely brought the whole thing down. the stories about DeVante being beaten AND raped in retaliation for severing ties with Suge sound pretty extreme, although the actual story itself WAS reported on quite a bit (however DeVante seemed to play it off as no big deal in an old interview i remember). the story of Suge bankrupting em instead sounds more believable (and less horrifying). even some of the interviews mention the Suge association as being quite a negative influence on DeVante and Da Bassment in general. what pains me is all the random comments some of the members have made about the experience and about DeVante in retrospect, most of em negative. but it seems like suddenly in the last few years everyone’s mellowed out a bit and are giving high praise to DeVante. even Timbo called him a “beast” in the still fresh E! True Hollywood Story episode he did. and from what Accion and Bazaar Royale have said, everyone was living, working and playing on DeVante‘s dime. he basically gave them the opportunity to find themselves as artists, which is why when everyone debuted to the world, they were already at the peak of their craft and basically took the music scene by storm.

in terms of the specific Bassment SOUND, it’s become evident that the sound associated with Da Bassment is actually the style Timbaland made famous and debuted with and basically took all the core members to the top with. it’s been my hunch for a while that Tim kinda hid the fact that it wasn’t he alone that came up with that signature Timbaland style. and now, hearing the demo recordings for the first time i can at least confirm for MYSELF, that it was a style that could’ve only blossomed in the studios of Da Bassment. that means that without the collective, Tim may have not been able to fully express and tap into his innate creativity. i just wished he’d acknowledged the beginnings of his career a lot more, but after he came clean about some of the darker bits from his life during that time, i guess i could understand distancing himself from it all.

DeVante shouts-out Da Bassment crew in the “Show, Afterparty, Hotel” liner notes

at the end of it all, if you do take the time to read all the interviews, listen to the tunes and really absorb everything on offer, then you start to get a sense of the whole Bassment experience. it started off beautiful, simple and sweet. a family of talented individuals being brought together by a newly-established phenom with wealth and power. working, playing and living nothing but music and weed for a couple years and some change. and then having it all kinda turn dark like a stoner having a ‘crashed-back-down-to-earth’ moment and realising “holy shit, all this smokin’s gonna kill me quick”, and wanting to immediately do something about it. i can understand the awesome feelings it must’ve elicited when smoking up and being around nothing but heavy creative heads. it’s a mode of music-making that i myself grew into naturally, and i consider to be one of the purer methods of tapping into that unexplored channels of creativity.

seems to me now that everyone’s grown and had time to do their own thing and achieve greatness (majority of folks who went to De’s “musical boot camp” came out the better for it), there seems to be a largely positive outpouring of affection for the man and at least some solid recognition of the helping hand he gave them. it’s this fan’s hope that Mr. Donald DeGrate, wherever he may be right now, one day gets back in touch with the people he once considered a family. the only recent interview he’s done was from this year and it was about the death of Static mostly (De’s right-hand man and probably his personal favourite member of the supergroup), but he does touch on Da Bassment for the first time in a LONG time (tis in the interviews section). hopefully he’s had time to work through all that ails him, whether it be drug-related or not, and could find it somewhere in his heart to understand and forgive everyone he feels ditched or slighted him, the same way they all seem to be forgiving him (for things that we scantly know about and i’m sure a whole lot more we don’t).

i think Bazaar Royale said it best: imagine if y’all reunited NOW, having been through so much and learned so much. imagine the music Da Bassment crew could make TODAY. and by no means do i aim to shit on everything everyone’s accomplished since breaking from the original crew, but there’s a little extra magic in the music when all the magicians are involved. anyways, consider this a personal love-letter from me to Da Bassment. the sound they were known for and the sound that developed later on (aka Tim‘s signature style) have played such a huge part in my musical development that it’s nuts. all my notions of laid back swag-filled tunes come from them. my love of mid-tempo slap-bass jams come from them. and listening to the demo tape recordings, i can feel some sort of peace for knowing i was right all along: that these guys and girls coulda dominated. and not just the ones who went on and DID do exactly that, i mean ALL of Da Bassment members, forming like Voltron and proceeding to kick the ass of ANYone in their way.

V.

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 29/09/2011 – 13/12/2011

what looks like a Japanese acid-induced maze of torture is actually the most true-to-life game ever invented, teaching you that at any moment and in any place and any time, someone or something WILL fucking kill you

oh Internet, i have once again failed you. in my attempts to carry on with the daily grind of mind-numbing mediocrity, i once again stopped blogging. and you can blame the global take-over by a ruthless, heartless, inhuman corporatocracy for it. the more information i learn about the goings on of our socially-decaying world, the angrier and disillusioned i become with nearly everything. NOT a good way to be, i can assure you lol. to that end, i’m dragging myself back to funnyville by posting some YouTube goodies i’ve accumulated (in-between info dumps of wretched globalist behaviour).

I’ve Got You Under My Skin

i recently got to sit down and finally watch the 2009 film Gamer, which stars guy-who-kicks-Persians-into-craters, Gerard Butler as the protagonist and Michael C. Hall of Dexter as the shmoove suave villain of the piece. it’s all very Running Manesque (with doses of sci fi dystopia) but manages to entertain and spout a message on its own merits. however the highlight was Hall engaging in this twisted song & dance number, where he puts that awkward body of his to good use. it was a very ‘ateur’ish break in the film which i thought was pretty cool.

Syobon Action (aka “Cat Mario”)

i still can’t work up the testicular fortitude to take this game on, as i have trouble even clocking regular Mario. this game does, however, deserve to be praised to near mythical proportion like QWOP was/is lol. just ludicrous and hella hilarious when coupled with the commentary, Syobon Action (also being called Cat Mario) is Japanese-made torture where everything is out to kill you and every square inch of gaming screen is a trap.

This One Is For MAANDELLLLAAA!

you know how you get those invisible urges to watch something really specific? well after powering through some classic 80s buddy cop action flicks, somehow Rush Hour was next in the brain queue. and to my wonderful surprise, they hold up REALLY well. and it’s owed completely to Chris Tucker‘s hilarious ass.

Football Friend

among the many films & television shows i’ve been getting acquainted with over the last few months, is this British masterpiece in adolescent humour: The Inbetweeners. i’ve already stormed through the first 2 series’ AND the recent film (all awesome), only have series 3 left. but it’s safe to say Jay gets ALL the great lines. and he’s even funnier when wigging out, thusly.

I Mama Noodles YOUUU DEEPSHIIIIIT!

if you’re EVER looking for a decent unrated unfiltered alternative comedy program, look no further than Funny Or Die. their online shorts are certified hilarity (one of which is featured in this post starring Lenny Kravitz). in my late-night Foxtel perusings, i noticed they were on TV too. all self-made nuggets of comedy presented in a half-hour format. this particular ad featured in a short by Tim & Eric, and is a FUCKING.PISSER.

The Outback Slug

never quite got over the originality and the majesty of The Maxx project by Sam Keith and the dedicated team at the MTV Oddities camp back in the 90s. it not only stands the test of time, but manages to transcend it by being completely timeless. which makes sense for something that surfs in and out of characters deepest darkest parts of their subconscious. amongst all the heavy and heady stuff (that run-over bunny still unsettles me), there was plenty of laconic comedy thanks to Maxx and his deadpan delivery. this scene is part of a longer portion that details some of the many inhabitants of “The Outback”, a warped version of pre-historic Australia that may or may not exist inside his head.

Quiet Bag

for those frequenters of my Facebook page, you will have already heard of the mighty Day Job Orchestra and their now worldwide famous overdubs of any and everything (but mostly Star Trek clips). in-between they have other random bits n pieces worth mentioning, such as this ad for muffling that loud annoying testicle. YOU KNOW THE ONE, FELLAS.

Lenny Kravitz Is Angry

so pointless yet so well-executed (a Funny Or Die production).

Frank Tells A Story

in what has to be the greatest season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, a recent ep had Frank Reynolds (DeVito) commandeer a boat full of Asian tourists in order to get across town to see the new action film, “Thundergun Express”. but Frank being Frank, instead of landmarks and info about the city, he gleefully recounts his many misadventures with Charlie and The Gang over the years.

Havin’ A Roni

i recently watched Vanilla Ice‘s 1991 film “Cool As Ice” TWICE over the weekend lol. and instead of posting a clip from the moofie (of which there are MANY to choose from, shit is entertainment from beginning to end), i thought i’d dig deeper and post up this acapella track from Ice’s debut album. it holds a special place in my and my older brother’s heart, as we spent hours fucking with it and it brought us endless joy. hearing it uninterrupted and non-“screwed” is actually kinda weird, cos i expect specific parts to start automatically SKIPPING and cutting away lol. regardless of alla that, it’s just kinda funny to listen to anyways.

V.

10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube – ‘Stuff I Made’ Edition: 09/04/2011 – 29/09/2011

enjoy gettin' ripshit on RUM HAM? why not get ripshit and peruse my videos? why not do BOTH? why ask why? as the world keeps trippin' to the D-O double G, it's a doggy-dogg world.

it’s been quite a substantial gap in-between YouTube posts, and in the intervening months i’ve naturally amassed more than 10 nuggets of YouTube gold. but in keeping in line with the concept of this post, i’ll whittle it down to my fav 10. shit’s hard cos i’ve seen about a thousand million billion clips since then, but neglected to post it up. such is LIFE: when you got multiple focuses, the BLAUG always tends to suffer. especially in the “music journalism” category. which is why i like having YouTube posts to fall back on: it’s easy to crap on about random shyte plus it stimulates my writing mind. oh, a fair few of these are my own edits & uploads. actually…all of em are lol (clearly i’ve had the time). had enough reading yet? IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN…BEGun…begun…un…

RUM HAM!

i suppose i better start with the most recent thing tickling my fancies, the illustrious indestructible all-encompassing RUM HAM. it recently made a splash (ha) on episode 2 of the new season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. after i watched it, i quickly hit teh ‘Tube to search for clips to poast onto my Facebook (cos it’s something i like to do…alone…on a Saturday night…in between faps). unfortunately the only clip i found was recorded via camera phone (long the bane of YouTube’s existence). not good enough. so i swiftly upped the damn clip MYSELF. it’s now racked up near 7.5k views within a few days, re-posts, blogs & even this video response of some brave souls actually making & tasting their own rum ham. *******SADLY THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN DOWN BY FOX JUST AS I WENT TO POST THIS BLOG :/ THERE MIGHT STILL BE CLIPS OF IT ON TEH ‘TUBE, BUT MINE IS OFFICIALLY GIZZONE. SORRY Y’ALL.

MIND BULLETS

i also recently got hooked on Hung (that sounds…vaguely like i’m hangin off the tip of..nevermind), a show about a male prostitute doing it tough in post-economic-collapse Detroit (stars Thomas Jane as Ray). started on season 2 on the weekend and couldn’t help but cackle at the introduction of Charlie, an experienced and somewhat of a “Yoda pimp” to the main character of Tanya (Ray‘s pimp). here he discusses a pimps methods, mainly the use of mental darts (or bullets, or i guess any other projectiles).

DIDN’T You!??!!!

during what i will call “Teh Silent Interims From BLAUGations”, i managed to re-watch the ENTIRETY of The Pretender. that’s 4 seasons and two TV movies. i’ve long held an admiration for the show, and moreso the classic characters within it. back in the 90s during its run, i was pretty much obsessed with it from week-to-week. Sydney‘s vocal tone (that of Patrick Bauchau) was also a constant point of imitation via myself, my older brother and my best mate since i was in kindergarten lol. that is to say, the show was a big part of my life for a minute. and it was refreshing to revisit the series and see it through more adult contemporary eyes, allowing me to come to a fuller appreciation of the complex tapestry that is The Pretender. ANYways, another go-to line i’d love reiterating IRL was Jarod’s (the inimitable Michael T. Weiss) sometimes-use of “DIDN’T YOU!?!?!?!” when serving up a wrong-doer. admittedly this didn’t occur as often as i thought it did, but often enough that it left a mark.

SHOOT, You CLOWN!

Bud Spencer and Terence Hill have appeared in this list before. and if i let myself, they would DOMINATE every single YouTube-centric poast. however, i’ll restrain myself to just this golden clip from their CUHLASSIC 1984 flick Double Trouble where Terence goads a mercenary.

Chicken-Man! You Got It

the original 1994 Stargate film (on which the long-running TV shows are based) has plenty of meme-worthy moments. one such occasion involves Kurt Russell (the original Jack O’Neill) asking the locals of Abydos where “the chicken-man” went (i think in reference to Daniel Jackson). the clip takes it all out of context, of course, and just looks like random chicken-related craziness.

AUUWOHHOOOOH

re-watched The Matrix trilogy back-to-back-to-back recently for the first time in years, and glad to say they’ve improved over time (although Revolutions still remains the weakest installment). however, watching things now is vastly different to how i viewed things years ago. i see MORE. i get engaged by the smaller things. in this case, it’s The Oracle‘s smoker-heavy voice making one strange-ass noise in-between sentences that REALLY captured my attention lol.

THERE You Are!

sayin it now so it’s official: Vampire’s Kiss is my favourite Nic Cage film of all-time. no doubt.

Goodbye, Mr. Spatula!

i’m still in the process of upping more funny-ass clips from Ed, this one features local magician Stuckeyville Stan making Ed’s spatula disappear in an overly cheesy manner (cheesy with a wink, tho).

Denzel Thinks You’re Kinda Funny

finally got around to watching Deja Vu, and unexpectedly enjoyed it more than i thought i would. you had a pretty cool sci fi story goin, and a good ratio of “Denzelisms”. i present to you, exhibit A.

EEUHWAH!

the very first meme-ish clip i ever uploaded, was like a fucking thunderbolt from the sky. i was compelled to put it out there. it’s only a few measly seconds, but it’s got amazing replay power. the clip in question is of Arnie on the run, early on in Total Recall. and as he’s fleeing, he bumps a random cunt out of the way, and that random cunt (whomever he may be, Buddha bless him) emits a very RANDOM reactionary noise. one you wouldn’t expect to hear when one is being bumped.

and with that, hopefully this BLAUG will see more regular care. i’d also like to switch over to my own permanent URL too at some stage before the year is through, or perhaps as a New Year’s resolution. BIGGER N BETTER, BABY. cheers.

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Black Dynamite: The Animated Series – The Pilot

in anticipation of Adult Swim’s new fonky toon depiction of Black Dynamite (coming in 2012), they’re released the full pilot episode for viewing online. naturally, within hours some awesome soul had ripped it to YouTube. which is awesome cos i get to embed it on this page and you get to watch it right here! ohhh technology.

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IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA Season 7 promo: Fat Mac

can’t.fucking.wait. on the poundage-gain, creator/writer/star of the show Rob McElhenny explains: “i was watching a very popular sitcom and noticing about how the characters were getting better looking, as the seasons progressed. and, i have never seen a sitcom in which the actors progressively got worse looking, which is, I think, truer to life, especially the lives that these characters lead. and, a character that’s always talking about putting on mass and all he does is eat shit and drink beer would eventually look like this. i thought that would be an interesting experiment, and it seems to be working out”. peep the hyper-dramatic trailer for Season 7 below (starts airing on FX in September).

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 15/02/2011 – 09/04/2011

"HHEEELLOOOO! it'ssss MOIIIEE! Mulligrubs!!! theeesse days i work as a...*giggles* CAAAARTOOON PROSSSTITUTE!"

hwwwell well WELL. it feels like it’s been forever since i BLAUGED on the BLAUG (i will never get tired of this made-up alternate word for “blog” that i..made up), and so i thought to curb all the music-centric posts (let’s face it, that’s probably my LEADING addiction, however this BLAUG is meant to cover all areas of media and the arts) here is yet another edition of the 10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube (can be shortened to “10 Coolest Things…” yknow like they did with “8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter”?).

Harout Pamboukjian – Spaghetti & Meatballs (On Adult Swim)

warning: Armenians, your heads may explode from the sheer randomosity of this clip. my childhood favourite Armo singer and local L.A. celeb Harout “The Beard” Pamboukjian taps into what seems to be one kooky sense of humour, as he serenades us with a beautimus ode to spaghetti & meatballs. i showed it to my folks, also big fans, and it just bewildered them at the most. i, however, replayed it no less than 10 times to achieve nirvana (also: it really made me wanna eat spaghetti & meatballs).

Mulligrubs

OOKKAAAYY. how to describe this wonderful nugget of Aussie kid’s programming known simply as Mulligrubs. what we have here is a show that works on the basis of random structure. as you can see in the clip, we get a mixture of the so-nice-they-could-be-unhinged presenters singing songs about anything they could think of (once they came down from the acid trip, of course). the lady sings a song about going for walkies in the bush and seeing animals, at which point the image turns into an almost voyeuristic scene of young Aussie kids interacting with the local animalia (emus, a pretty common sight in the early 90s, my parents used to take us to parks to feed kangaroos n shit as kids, but nowadays it’s a safety hazard cos, i assume, no one wants to get sued). we also get a bearded man interpreting the sounds of nature on his…”auto-harp”? …what the fuck is an auto-harp? and to round things up, how can one get past that iconic multi-coloured stoned-off-her-tits FACE that will haunt u well into ur teens & 20s.

Cosbymon

witness the delicious marriage of fake Cosby from The Simpsons and the original Pokemon game music.

Michael Ian Black: Taco Party

coming off his recent bid to be Taco Bell‘s official spokesman, i delved into YouTube to find some more MiB & taco love connections and i was able to procure this, a reading from Mike’s book My Custom Van. the portion he reads here is called…Taco Party.

Archer: Terms Of En-Rampage-Ment

while the rest of the world slowly catches up, me & a cadre of others have been enjoying probably the smartest, funniest, edgiest scripted program currently on TV (forget that it’s animated, it still shits all over most live-action productions at the moment). currently in the tail-end of its second season, Archer has only improved with time, moreso by delving into the lives of all the supporting characters. but in a recent episode the title character Sterling Archer, after having been diagnosed with breast cancer, realises he’s been taking placebo medicine & goes on, what he calls, a rampage. he calls it many different things before settling on Terms Of Enrampagement. this is the penultimate scene in the episode where he confronts the man behind all the fake cancer drugs. if this ending looked AT ALL familiar to you…it’s because it was ripped straight from an episode of Magnum, P.I. in a glorious semi-obscure homage. i’ve saved y’all the trouble and linked the scene in question below.

Magnum P.I.: Did You See The Sunrise This Morning?

best believes, a LOT of ppl were driven to this clip cos of Archer. ain’t nothin but a WIN/WIN.

Got Cankles? – The Circulation Booster Ad

my faith in late night Aussie infomercials has been restored! i’ve always felt that opting to be openly lame without acknowledging the lameness is a bad way to go for an infomercial. instead it’s best to accept and own WHAT you are (a soulless image covering the intent to fleece the public of dollars), and go ahead and accentuate the lameness. make it fun to watch, shit, it might even be the CAUSE of ppl buying the product. case in point: The Circulation Booster. a handy dandy device intended to boost the circulation in whatever appendages you think need boosting (penis booster still not available as of this post). there have been a few different variations of the ad floating around, the most well known one involving a woman talking about her “dear old mother“, but i find myself enjoying the cankles-related ones a LOT more lol.

Black Hammer & White Lightning

i very recently plowed through a buncha late 80s/early 90s classics, including Major League 1 & 2. after winning at the end of the first film Cinderella-style, we get presented with a thoroughly corrupted team of players who start concentrating more on their careers instead of playing baseball in ML2. this manifests in many ways, one of em being the film Omar Epps (as Willie Mays Hays, replacing Wesley Snipes) does with Jesse Ventura (in an awesome cameo performance) called Black Hammer & White Lightning (one would assume, lampooning the cross-over ambitions of non-actors transitioning into action movie roles).

*yawn*

if only the volume on this clip was cranked the fuck up, but no big deal, just twiddle the volume knob to a high level and enjoy 3 seconds of pure Walken awesomesauce (Walken, as Max Shreck, delivers this line to Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne from the dark & hella-entertaining Batman Returns).

DEUUEAUGH

another day, another meme. this time someone’s used a small clip of a screaming fish from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. click here to see all the variations.

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 27/01/2011 – 15/02/2011

NO ONE ON DA CORNER IS SHIFTY LIKE US. SHIFTY LIKE US. SHIF-SHIFTY LIKE US

hellooooo BLAUG-O-SPHERE (aka The Sphere of BLAUGATION). even on a crappy-ass 128kpbs Internets connection, i managed to compile an entertaining collection of YouTube beedios for the purpose of laughter and “holy shit!”ing urself out of boredom. emjoy (gently).

Shifty-Eyed Dog

the very end of Season 11 ep 1’s Beyond Blunderdome, which features Mel Gibson as himself. Homer presents the shifty-eyed dog idea to Mel as a possible addition to his new film, noting that the easiest way to make someone or something look shifty is to have a close-up of their darting eyes with ominous music lol. the ep is also notable for Mel accurately predicting his shortcomings (drinking, speeding).

*I’ll* Have A Twist Of Lemon

i often associate my love for Punch-Drunk Love (2002) with L.A. Story (1991), a Steve Martin written and directed ode to love (Steve also stars as the protagonist). the quirky approach to love seems to be the main thread that holds them inside the cockles of my heart, somewhere deep in the inner-cockular region.

Intestiana Jones

Machete (2010) was just one big fat giant WIN. would love to see the sequels that are jokingly referred to at the end of the film.

Harley Quinn – Say That We’re Sweethearts Again

after months of watching the complete Batman Animated toon series in order from beginning to end (i only have a handful of eps left til i get back to Batman Beyond again), i realised that this is THE greatest incarnation of the Batverse ever created. it has a pretty violent and adult tone, and stays very true to its own continuity. among all of that, there are genuinely classic smile-inducing moments, most of em involving Harley Quinn (voiced by the inimitable Arleen Sorkin). in the episode Harlequinade, she performs a light-hearted but dark number titled Say That We’re Sweethearts Again, originally performed by Virginia O’Brien from the 1944 film Meet The People.

Stu Unleashes Hell at Approximately 4:02 A.M

another (sofar) underground YouTube video meme/fad, which features the mangling of a scene involving Stu Pickles from Rugrats waking up at 4am to make Angelica some chocolate pudding.

WINNERSH GO HOME & FFFUCK THE PROHMM QUEEN!

i finally cleared a Saturday night a couple weeks back specifically to watch the epic beast of an action film known as The Rock (1996) (Cage, Connery). IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT (and with that cast? how could it).

Sometimes The Bar…He Eats YOU

i could watch an entire film consisting of nothing but The Stranger & The Dude sitting at a bar talking shit. one of many classic moments from The Big Lebowski (1998). what’s interesting to note in this clip, is that The Stranger (played by Sam Elliot) is mangling this oft-used line: he’s either adding a gender to the bar, or mispronouncing the word “bear” lol. either way it’s fucking gold.

Powdered Toast Man Saves The President

“i, Powdered Toast Man, do solemnly swear to RELIEVE the American citizens…of their basic human rights”. there isn’t much that can match the manic genius of Ren & Stimpy and their side-characters.

Bicycles: Not Just For Riding Anymore

Diana Amft as “Inke” accidentally having an orgasm while riding her bike lol. cute. from the film Mädchen, Mädchen (2001).

Oswald Bates – Keep Your Butt In School

“allow me to expose my colon, once again”.

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 11/01/2011 – 27/01/2011

read this blog or i'll get my buddy Dinky Dawson over there to come take a shit in YOUR aquarium. and if u don't HAVE an aquarium, one will be provided so Dawson can still take a shit in it

mo’ YouTube, mo BLAUGIN’. go forth and be entertained, y’all.

You Just Pulled Landscaping Duty

Ben Stiller‘s finest roles (imo) have always involved him rockin the handlebar ‘stache. this would be his finest in that mode.

NOW WE’RE FCKED

so not too long ago, a YouTube user with the name HighVoltageChrist came up with a video meme/fad vid that is quirky than the usual shit (think how viral the Antoine Dodson shit became, but on a smaller scale). anyways the basic premise is: use footage from the old Mario & Luigi cartoon show to shimmy the convo in a way that ends with one of the characters uttering an expletive. except the editing has to be precision in a way that makes someone SOUND like they’re saying “FUCK”, but in actuality is some jumbled up version that ranges from “FGLUP!” to “FWUACK!”. immediately after this comes a cut up clip of Luigi jauntily strolling singing the word “KOOP/COO” over and over to the melody of some random song (at the behest of the individual editor, there are many others). this one apparently is the original one that started this (sofar) underground YouTube fad/trend.

Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit

Nic Cage, i feel, is a somewhat misunderstood and slightly underrated actor, but definitely one of the best of our generation. and i think that’s the case cos it’s only when he chooses to play tweaked characters (some that are outright psychotic and possibly insane) when we see the depth of his talent. here, lovingly cut together, is a collection of just some of those special moments.

Dawson Leery – Asshole For Hire

i was a BIG Dawson’s Creek fan back when the show first started, and remained a loyal soldier throughout its entire 6-season run. yes everyone knows half the show’s appeal is the very epitome of cheese. however, the hook that differed this show from any kind of teen soap comparison were the characters themselves and how they communicated. long story short: they all talked like smartass psychology professors (and heavy on the sarcastic self-fladulation when it came to Pacey). i never, not once, while watching the show facepalmed or groaned at its lameness, cos it never really was. it was enjoyable, and should now be regarded as vintage television for ppl who grew up watching it. it’s got this nostalgic glow to it, is what i mean. but what happens when its star and namesake can’t shake being labeled as The Dawson? he goes on the offensive. this clip is but one of many that resulted when James Van Der Beek took over funnyordie.com for a week recently. another golden outcome from this takeover was: JamesVanDerMemes.com (if u love Der Beek you’d be a fool not to click).

SAD FORRR YOOOUUUUUU

i remember clicking onto random eps of Dragonball Z as a kid and witnessing those long extended-ass fights between Vegeta and Frieza, but it was all a bit too schizo for me to get into. i do, however, remember Vegeta‘s hectic-ass yelling and screaming of everything that comes out of his mouth.

Flynt Flossy & Whatchyamacallit – Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor (feat. Pretty Raheem)

as i had suspected, in a recent interview with Turquoise Jeep Records founder and artist Flynt Flossy (aka F Dot Floss), it was revealed that the earlier Jeep tracks were produced by fellow artist Whatchyamacallit. i call this the pre-Tummiscratch era. i only held that suspicion cos there was a notcieable increase in the recording quality of the vocals, the flow of the emcees and the overall production of the music. clearly Tummiscratch is the man with the magic touch, producing smangers like Slick Mahony‘s “Sex Syrup” & “Go Grab My Belt“, Flynt‘s “Cavities” (feat. Pretty Raheem & Watchyamacallit), Yung Humma‘s “Lemme Smang It” and a few other album-only cuts that aren’t on YouTube. but even Tummiscratchless, the Jeep does impress. this is an early rough cut of the song “Not Your Professor, But Your Prosexxor” which appears on the newly-released debut album “Keep The Jeep Ridin‘” in a more polished form. most, if not all the sounds i recognise as Fruity Loops/FL Studio presets, but it doesn’t matter cos the song is still smangin.

Kameron Corvet – Know These Things:Shouldn’t You

a decent acoustic cover of an underrated Maxwell song from his 2nd album “Embrya“.

Snuff Box – Boyfriend Scenes

yet another short-lived British sketch show that, judging from this clip, must be seen.

Cushion Muncher

when i was but a child, one of my aunties fed me a styrofoam cup. haven’t seen her since.

Stella – “Bar”

probly one of the most surreal comedy troupes around (i think anything with Michael Ian Black is fantastish anywho). oh ye, the bar owner (aka the guy who can’t cum) is H. Jon Benjamin, currently voicing the title character in the animated hit “Archer“.

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 20/12/2010 – 11/01/2011

RAED, beloved Melbourne rapper, says: "yous shoes the Blues Clues and a...WHOSE WHO of my BOO'S NEWWWSSS!" (translation: read Vahé's blog cos it is really cool, bro)

here it be once again, 10 assorted YouTube clips that will make u laugh, cry and possibly shit ur pants (that’s fucking disgusting man, don’t shit ur pants, unless u really HAVE to, in which case may i recommend using some Quilton to clean up afterwards?).

Letterman interviews Regis

not only is this a masterclass in off-the-cuff, unscripted interviewing technique, two friends of mine who recently got married and were honeymooning in New York were in the crowd for the filming of this episode. not only THAT, during the pre-show warm-up (where Dave comes out and jokes around with the audience, and later refers back to those off-air jokes during his monologues and throughout the show) after Dave mentioned “Dairy Queen”, one of them (Layal, known to Dave as “Linda”) raised her hand and asked “what’s Dairy Queen?”. following Dave’s surprise at Aussies not having had the pleasure of enjoying “Dairy Queen”, it built up into Dave summoning some “Dilly Bars” during the interview, giving one to Regis, one to Layal (who gets some air-time in this clip, along with hubby Gareth) and eats one himself. it’s all rather surreal seeing ppl u know end up being a central point of an entire episode of Letterman. i know i’ve only DREAMED of getting that close to the man himself. congrats guys 🙂

Here’s How A Harem Girl Dances

Andy Richter as Kenny doin a lil dance in 1994’s tweaked-out fantasy-action-comedy film Cabin Boy. lol a solid top 5 movie.

The Micallef Program – This Is Going To Sound Ridiculous…

what can i say, i worship at the comedy altar of Shaun Micallef. THE funniest person Australia has ever produced.

Telemetry Orchestra – Suburban Harmony

they’re Aussie, they’re super chill, and this music vid takes me to my happy place.

The Cone Of Silence

recently i started watching the original Get Smart series from the very start, as i’ve never seen the full series from beginning to end before. this scene takes place in the first episode, and sets the precedent for the insane level of ‘funny’ this show has to offer.

Luckiest People Alive

a compilation of near-misses and heinous brushes with death that somehow don’t end in tragedy and tears.

Raed – Just Ask Me

“CAN I GET A BEEPBEEP A TOOT TOOOOOT!?”. of COURSE u can, RAED! just as soon as i figure out WHAT THE FUCK U ARE ON ABOUT IN UR SONGS, DUDE. this guy RAED (Lebanese-Australian “rapper”) is either completely out of his gourd or possess the most advanced style of emceeing on the planet and we’re just too deficient to “get it”. either way i’m a fan (which probly says more about me than him).

The Base Is Quite Thick!

recently i got to witness an episode of Nigella Lawson doin her thing in the kitchen, and holy canoli @ the amount of sexual innuendos present in her descriptions of food and the cooking process in general. apparently this is something she’s KNOWN for and naturally, someone’s compiled them.

D-FENS Goes Golfing

watched the Michael Douglas flick Falling Down last week, hadn’t seen it for yeaaarrrss. still held up okay (though was a skoche racist in some parts). this scene in particular though cracked me THEE fuck up.

Kirk Farts

*sniffsniff* …a sweet odour like honey.

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube: 02/12/2010 – 20/12/2010

these three little cranky fuckers are cranky cos they're high on sugar all the time. oh, and cos i ain't been doin my blogging duties so well lately.

SO, cos i been busy at work i’ve neglected the weekly installments of this little ball of entertainment. instead i’ma just chuck up the 10 coolest YouTube vids i find within any time period, at my own leisure (as it should be).

Guy Flies Through Train On A Fire Extinguisher

every now and then i watch something like this, sit back in my chair with tears comin out my eyes, and marvel at how far humanity has come in its ability to make me lose my shit. well done.

Now I Show You Some Trick Or Two

clearly, the best fighters and action stars in the world can’t emote for shit, but DANG if it’s not entertaining.

Yooou Shallll Nottt PAAASSS!

i don’t how you guys felt, but i thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was one of the best comedies of the last decade. it holds up to numerous repeat viewings, has got one-liners comin out the ASS and also makes sure to take the audience along for the emotional ride (sometimes embellished) that Peter goes through. i think any broken-hearted man with a sense of humour is gonna identify a lot with the emotions involved within the process of getting over someone who you love like mad, but aren’t actually a good match for. outside of that, Jason Segel (who penned the script) carries the film like a veteran, showing us equal parts vulnerable soft-hearted guy, angry volatile guy and geek-laden funny guy (the latter of which i chose to show here).

The Lollipop Guild

now it’s been a while since i saw The Wizard Of Oz, but this scene seems to have stayed with me for whatever reason. one thing is for sure, you don’t wanna fuck with The Lollipop Guild. the dude on the end looks like he’s bout to have a stroke. i bet they don’t even usually GREET people, but cos Dorothy wasn’t a munchkin The Wiz forced em into doing some lame PR shit (LOOK at how fucking cranky they are lol).

Niles & Frasier: BAAAALLLIIIIN’

an oft-misunderstood show, however that didn’t stop it for running for a decade. i guess the misunderstanding comes with the snooty tone of the show, which puts out a “i’m better than you” vibe, but which also cleverly uses that snootiness for some funny-as-hell moments. eventually you side WITH the snooty Cranes and laugh along with their faux highbrow humour.

What Are You Doing In My Toilet?

Leslie Nielsen recently passed away after an amazing career in tv and film. his brief role in one of my fav tv shows ever, Due South, as Buck Frobisher will be the bits i remember him best for (despite the Naked Gun films and all the other stuff he’s done, got a problem wit dat?!). Leslie played a fart-prone Canadian Mountie. NUFF SAID.

Unnecessarily Censored Smurfs

amazing what some well-placed b***s can do for a video (ohhh see what i did there?).

Purple Berries

im not even sure HOW i stumbled onto this twisted little display of genius editing skills, i WAS in a green haze at the time. HOWEVER, altho most people won’t get the humour, this vid is a perfect example of how you can squeeze laughs out of anything provided you have comic timing and editing skills. mostly through the elongation of certain scenes, and the slooowwwing dooowwnn of others. in the end you are left with a bizarre concoction, but one that’s gonna make people like me (ie those with advanced humour lobes in our brains) kakk til i drop.

Floating Head

lol quite a well-done take on what happens when an evil floating head haunts you, and the emotional attachment that can develop in the process.

LAUGHING TIME IS OVER

unfortunately this is the last vid, and, well, no more laughink for yous (for now).

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week: 25/11/2010 – 02/12/2010

Pokemon!? wit the Pokeee and the Mon and the thing n the ARH AH AH

cartoon Cosby enjoys my taste in random YouTubery, so why shouldn’t you?

VB Ad – “Kebab”

the irony: this ad speaks more truth about the late-night Aussie tradition of grabbin a kebab after a night out on the piss than it does about the quality of beer that is VB.

Have You Been High Today?

i’m bleeding FUCKING A!

Pokemon!?

The Simpsons: still as funny as you remember it being. possibly even moreso when watching through more adult eyes.

I’m Gonna Fuck You In The Ass On Saturday

you KNOW no one fucks with The Jesus (even if he is a “peder-ass”). but he’s even more magnificent to watch when slooowwweed the fugggggg dooowwwnnnnnn….HWOOOOOHHHH!!! *multiple crotch thrusts*.

Flynt Flossy – Cavities (feat. Pretty Raheem & Whatchyamacallit)

last week i was exposed to the utter genius that was Yung Humma and “Lemme Smang It“, which featured Flynt Flossy, one of the most bizarre take-offs of a commercial rapper i’ve ever seen, yet his look and sound and everything doesn’t seem to be BASED on anyone lol. everytime i see him on my computer screen i am in awe. now i can add Pretty Raheem and Whatchyamacallit to the list of Turquoise Jeep artists who are kickin more ass and makin cooler songs than the big-name counterparts they’re parodying. now open up wiiiiide for mo cavities.

Chinese Folk Song (feat. The Asian Christopher Walken)

mind-bogglingly awesome. i’ve often held theories as to the nature of the song and the situation. clearly Asian Christopher Walken is the ‘mack’ in the scenario, and he’s gotta choose between these two bitches who won’t stop bugging him while he’s trynah do his thang on an open green field. don’tchya just hate when ppl gotta be all up in ur shit n fuckin up ur game like that?

VENTUUUUUURRAAAAAA…

still one funny-ass (and actually quite bizarre, if u stop and think about the craziness of the character himself) moofie, made all the more hilario by the short inclusion of Ace’s landlord, “Mr. Shickadance“. his forced double-cough is what gets me the most.

Is This The Cocksucker Residence?

underrated performance from a biting satire film by John Waters called “Serial Mom“, starring Kathleen Turner as a serial killing suburban housewife and mother. in this scene, she says some naughty words.

Friendface

one of two clips i’ve selected from The IT Crowd, cos it’s a pisser of a show and it’s my blog so SHUT IT UP, CAMILLE!

Memory IS RAM!

GAHAHAHAHA @ Moss’ utter indignation at Jen’s ignorance (with Roy disapprovingly shaking his head).

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10 Coolest Things I Found On YouTube This Week: 11/11/2010 – 18/11/2010

this guy reads my blog and reckons you should watch these videos if you wanna be as sensual as him...with tha LAADIEESSS. whuuutt.

it’s fair to say, i do an unfair amount of YouTubing, trolling around for yet one more elusive funny or amazing vid that i can pass on to my friends and make them think i’m the coolest guy EVAR (anything to make people laugh and/or smile). so i feel a weekly compilation will serve this addiction/psychological tick the best. BEHOLD, in no particular order…YOUTUBE VIDEOS..VIdeos..videos…deoos..os…

————-

80s Nerds Looking For Love

guys. fellas. DUDES. i’m sure we’ve all felt like these social retards at some point in our lives. YES I LAUGHED MY BALLS OFF, but it doesn’t mean that their perpetual awkwardness and slightly unhinged yet well-intentioned creepiness didn’t strike home, reminding me of my completely awkward non-game-having self from back in the day (not too far ago, it didn’t change til i was frign 20). as for the video itself, it LOOKS like a dating service tape where hopeful bachelors (some with a penchant for “most phases of data processing”, now how does THIS guy not get laid, i ask you) leave what they think is a sexy message, but is, in fact, a painfully humorous look at how even the ugliest dudes in the world still want the same thing as everyone else: “no fattys, no HAMSTERS, no dopers, no stoners”.

Inverse Phase – Fuck You (8-Bit Version)

a carefully re-constructed chiptuned version of Cee Lo‘s monster smash super box office monkey moofie smash box office smash hit, Fuck You.

BAMIX

a couple of days ago the word BAMIX got stuck in my head, and i went in search of it on YouTube as a means of getting it OUT of my head. that’s kinda how all of these videos work. i get hooked on em, then i have to expose myself to it on YouTube a LOT in order to get over it and move on to the next thing that happens to catch my fancy (e.g. the word “fancy”…*sigh* it never ends). ANYway, in my searching i found what appears to be a Russian infomercial style ad for the blender of all blenders.

Kitteh + Turtle = BFFs Fo LYFE

sometimes all it takes is a kitteh ridin dirty on top of a turtle to bring some joy and happiness back into your bleak and repetitive existence…not that i’m talking about MY bleak and repetitive existence…just everyone’s bleak and repetitive existence in general…yknow? …shuttup.

Auto-Erotic Mummification

from the current season of Dexter, the legendary Vince Masuka (played by C.S. Lee) mimes what he thinks went down at a crime scene while Dex does his patented voice-over commentary of the situation.

Lethal Weapon 5 (Trailer)

the long fabled but never seen Lethal Weapon 5 film, made by the fine folks from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. an extended version featuring Frank Reynolds‘ (DeVito) awkward and spot-on sex scene plus some other bits can be seen in the episode Dee Reynolds: Shaping America’s Youth. apparently the full version of the film will be included on the season 6 DVDs. and holy shitballs this is some FUNNY SHIT.

Bob Log III – Boob Scotch

local Aussie alt. rocker Bob Log III combining two of man’s favourite things into one glorious ode.

Shawn Kemp Statue

this mofo was more talented than we knew. i guess he was waiting for someone to chisel a real statue of him?

Enhance

Super Troopers is a certified classic, simply for the amount of funny time-tested scenes that totally litter the film. in any given week i’ll have a piece of this flick floating around in the mushy parts of my cranium. this week, it is a clip that i employ quite often IRL, but mostly to confused looks. as a result i have concluded that i am cool as shit and y’all ain’t.

STAY DOWN!

THE scene from 1987’s American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (cos there’s no confrontations in the other ones? *shrugs*). Steve James as Sgt. Curtis Jackson was probably one of the most over-acted characters in a ninja movie EVAR, but that’s kinda why he kicks ass.

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Terriers + “Gunfight Epiphany”

sun-drenched mayhem

let’s get one thing out of the way. i live in the faraway magical land of Australia, an island masquerading as a country. unless you have and pay for cable television, you miss out on a lot of cool shit that gets made and shown in the States. case in point, a new show by Shawn Ryan (The Shield) & Ted Griffin (Ocean’s Eleven + Matchstick Men) called Terriers. it stars Donal Logue (Hank Dolworth) and Michael Raymond-James (Britt Pollack) as two unlicensed Private Detectives who get into (and up to) all sortsa shit in and around San Diego. it’s been 10 great, non-cliché, emotional & entertaining episodes

despite the suggestive title and pic, the show has little to do with canines

sofar in its debut season, with about as much time dedicated to character-study as there is to the over-arching plot involving shady businessmen in a land-grab scheme. in-between those two constants are the one-off cases the duo take to make a living. while the description may not sound like the most original idea in the world (it ain’t), it is however in the execution of said ideas where the show really beats a new path. i cannot recommend getting into it enough (Michael Raymond-James in particular has grown on me quickly to become one of my favourite actors (True Blood fans will know him for his role as the unhinged Rene, in Terriers he plays someone very far-removed from that character)).

there’s almost something wistful, fatalistic and transitory about the lives these two lead, all of which is compounded by the highly addictive theme song and opening credits of the show. the song, titled Gunfight Epiphany by Robert Duncan, sounds like dark surfer rock and details, cryptically, the plot of the show (that’s my best guess as the lyrics are quite abstract).

the name Terriers is what PIs used to be referred to back in the day, and..come to think of it there is an episode or two involving A dog, but not a terrier (that sentence was lame but had to be written). the show’s also got a pretty sweet supporting cast consisting of Rockmond Dunbar (top marks for the parents who NAMED THIS GUY…i mean just wauw @ that name) playing Detective Mark Gustafson, Hank’s old partner before Hank got booted off the force presumably for reasons relating to his former alcohol addiction problems; Kimberly Quinn as Gretchen Dolworth, Hank’s ex-wife; & Laura Allen as Katie Nichols, Britt’s emotionally-damaged girlfriend. while these 3 characters are well-worn when having anything to do with a recovering-alcoholic-former-cop-turned-PI, they don’t exactly play to ‘type’, which means familiar scenarios resolve themselves in unfamiliar ways. e.g. there is one episode dealing with Hank’s ex re-marrying which could’ve ended up turning into every similarly-themed tv show cliché you could imagine, but somehow doesn’t. this sense of bucking the ‘expected’, coupled with the chemistry b/w the two leads (no doubt helped by the fact that they’re good mates in real life), makes terriers very familiar yet not at the same time.

the show also employs the vast talents of Tim Minear, who is most famous for his excellent work on Buffy, Angel, Firefly & Wonderfalls (plus a host of other quality shows). with only 3 episodes left in the 1st season, now would be a good time to hop on board and show some e-support for the show, as no one is certain if it’ll return for a 2nd (the curse of a tv show with heavy “critical acclaim” is that more often than not, the ratings are average).

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